Hi,

So you may be new to recovery.

Perhaps you only have a week or two of abstinence.

Maybe you have repeated periods of abstinence with no real serenity or sobriety.

I want to share with you how to stay sober:

Right now I am triggered BADLY.!!!!

My carpal tunnel and cubital tunnel are making my life miserable.

I can't do anything creative as an artist because I am in pain.

So I have a choice.

I can act out (look at porn or middle circle images)  which is going to do nothing but demoralize me and compound the problems that I have emotionally. Or I can sit here and write it out in hopes that it will benefit somebody.

You see, early in recovery we are convinced we are powerless, but if you read the wording it says "WE WERE powerless" Powerless is in the past tense. 

Through recovery we do become empowered, and we are capable of making sound decisions for ourselves but it takes time.

It's taken me nearly three  years for me to be able to sit here and write this out.

I am now going to call my sponsor and say "Steve, I'm thinking about masturbating and I don't want to act compulsively".

This is a perfect opportunity to cool off, take a walk, to  think and thank Hashem for all of the things that I have to be grateful for.

Gratitude and service to others is the only way out of this disease of  self interest and self soothing.

When am triggered, i like to get out of my head and do service: wash the dishes, put away seforim in the beis medrish or even pick up garbage outside. When I am lusting I am very selfish. Its all about me. That i should feel good. So i try to turn the tide and get out there and become selfless by doing for others. 

Exactly, and when we write it out we are of service to others, we all benefit from each others stories of strength and hope. I can so relate to what your saying. Acting out is  SOOOO self centered.

"I'm not feeling well so I am going to take whatever I want to feel better regardless of the implication for the individual or collective culture"

or

"You, as a Woman that I don't know, are so unimportant that I am going to medicate myself off your exploitation and suffering"

it's really a sick idea when looked at through the prism of clarity via  being sober