Thank you everyone. I am truly amazed at discovering that what I thought was a personal Mishigus is actually a common experience. I think that this demonstrates once again the Koach of GYE.
This is my question. The acting out that occurs as a result of this spiritual conflict, is it to fill an emotional/ psychological need (i.e. addiction) or is it a spiritual YH? Or is one gorem the other?
I think that understanding this will help us learn how to deal with these situations.
I don't like attributing specific thoughts to the y"h. There's no way to put your finger on his mehalech, and "figure him out". He'll just always be a waaaaaaaaaay ahead of you. All you can really do is just not listen. You decide your hanhagah at the beginning of the day, and you don't budge from it no matter what. But to try to be 'on guard' for anything he tells you, so you can know it's him...... He's just too good. You'll never get to that point.
Of course there are his old and usual tricks, which you can learn not to fall for, like depression and yiush. But generally speaking, he's a malach, and his will is very strong, and he's smart enough to have gotten the greatest of the greatest. We're certainly no match for him.
The acting out is simply the result of him telling you what you need to hear in order for you to do it. If telling you the opposite would get you to do it - he'd tell you that. He doesn't really care
how he gets you to listen to him as long as you do.
