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Do I need a 12 step program
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TOPIC: Do I need a 12 step program 1722 Views

Do I need a 12 step program 06 Jun 2017 19:43 #314762

  • Stardust
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I would like to get feedback from you guys. 
I am new here and this is my first post. 
My question is whether I need a 12 step program.  I am in my fifties and have been free from MZ"L since my mid twenties when I first entered yeshiva.  For me the Kodesh environment of the yeshiva gave me the Koach to break free from that life diminishing habit.   I, however, continued to expose myself, occasionally, to porn, especially with the advent of the internet.  That ended a few months ago when my wife found out about my occasional wanderings.  It was not hard core stuff, just racey youtube stuff, but she was pretty shocked.  Since then I have been working pretty seriously on my eyes and my thoughts.  And I joined this forum.  
My question is whether working a 12 step program is necessary for the long term sustainable recovery?  Right now I feel it's enough to read a couple of horror stories on this website to stay focused, but will that continue to do the job?  Is the sharing of the journey with other people the key to success?
Kol Tuv 

Re: Do I need a 12 step program 06 Jun 2017 20:11 #314767

  • tiger
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stardust, it depends who you ask and there is no clear for anyone,

the fact that you stopped now cause of fear means nothing, i have been scared silly many times but it did not last to long.

my last encounter got me in to SA. I SAID ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, thats usually what gets people in to SA.

you have to ask yourself, am i able to say no and control this? am i getting worse? its very hard to be convinced to go to SA.

and yes, if you are an addict then sharing your journey with others is key, i dont know this from my own experience yet but many have only been helped this way.

​hope hashem gives you the strength to make the right choice.

Re: Do I need a 12 step program 06 Jun 2017 22:01 #314786

  • GrowStrong
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Stardust wrote on 06 Jun 2017 19:43:
I would like to get feedback from you guys. 
I am new here and this is my first post. 
My question is whether I need a 12 step program.  I am in my fifties and have been free from MZ"L since my mid twenties when I first entered yeshiva.  For me the Kodesh environment of the yeshiva gave me the Koach to break free from that life diminishing habit.   I, however, continued to expose myself, occasionally, to porn, especially with the advent of the internet.  That ended a few months ago when my wife found out about my occasional wanderings.  It was not hard core stuff, just racey youtube stuff, but she was pretty shocked.  Since then I have been working pretty seriously on my eyes and my thoughts.  And I joined this forum.  
My question is whether working a 12 step program is necessary for the long term sustainable recovery?  Right now I feel it's enough to read a couple of horror stories on this website to stay focused, but will that continue to do the job?  Is the sharing of the journey with other people the key to success?
Kol Tuv 

Maybe Underachievers Anonymous

Re: Do I need a 12 step program 07 Jun 2017 13:46 #314824

  • MenachemMendel
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Hi,

There are many people who "need" the 12 steps but unfortunately most have no idea about this life-saving program of recovery, that it even exists and that it works!
Even more so it only seems to work for those who "want" it!

For me it is not a question of "need" as if this is a burden to me.

Rather today it is a brocha a blessing to have found my way into a loving, caring and supportive group in the 12 step fellowship I attend regularly.

I enjoy it, it is my foundation my absolute and unconditional support system for any and everything going on in my life.

Today 6 years later I see how HaShem has blessed me and I feel very grateful and fortunate to be an active 12 step member!

So needing it doesn't help much but hopefully with enough pain and desperation you will want it and then when you are willing it will work.

Today I don't need it, I want it!

Re: Do I need a 12 step program 07 Jun 2017 19:03 #314860

  • Stardust
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I'm a little slow.  Could you explain what you mean?

Re: Do I need a 12 step program 07 Jun 2017 19:31 #314862

  • MenachemMendel
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Sure, no problem.

Many people who are in the grips of their addiction, to whatever, is consuming them probably need help but many choose to not get help.

Meaning they don't want help, they are not yet willing to change or take the necessary step to change. Change requires doing something different. And if you don't want to you simply won't do it.

No one can convince me that I needed to get better. I was fine, job, wife etc...
On the outside everything appeared okay and I could easily convince others and myself that I was okay.

If I have a problem or even think I have one, and everyone's degree or level is different so comparing is counter productive, the only question then is am I willing to get help?

I was only willing when I was sick of being sick then I became ready.

The readiness to change comes from wanting to not needing to. If I don't want to, I won't.

Does that make more sense?

If not try to answer these questions for yourself:

Do I think I have a problem and want help?
Have I failed trying to control my using on my own?

In NA we have a simple booklet called "Am I an Addict"
na.org/admin/include/spaw2/uploads/pdf/litfiles/us_english/Booklet/Intro%20Guide%20to%20NA.pdf

Only you can answer this question.
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