Hashivalisesonyishecho wrote on 28 Apr 2017 03:02:

I discuss things with a chashuver person whom I met (not really met, just phone  talk without disclosing our names) through these forums. He had told me recently that I should try to notice good things and thank Hashem. That doesn't come to me naturally, and I need to be reminded, but It's good advice. Being a kvetch is not good, not for gashmius nor for ruchnius. Being thankful gives a good mood and helps with emuna. I am actually thankful to have been advised this. I am thankful that I didn't lose it today, in the face of difficulty. 

Additionally, wifey was a total misery today, and I didn't fall apart. I am about to go to her now and be very magnanimous and to over ride her kvetchyness, and bring some good cheer, whether she likes it or not. I am saying a brief tefila that Hashem help me with this.

B"H some good things have been happening for me lately. I see things looking up. I am thankful.

Warning - I am not speaking to addicts. My message is probably completely irrelevant for addicts. I understand that by using the term 'addict', I am referring to people who turn to their addictive behavior as a constant escape and as the only place to turn to. Although I have seen many definitions of addiction on these forums, this definition is what I have understood from Dov's words. But what ever the definition is, my message is not for addicts. I should really post this clarification before every such message as the one I am about to give.

I have made a change of substance. I have no guarantee that it will last, but even just for the time that it's lasting it's tremendously valuable. There is certainly some truth in my approach as I see it works. Even though I don't have any way, at this point, of seeing how long term it is, just the fact that it works for 78 days means it has some validity, even if it isn't yet quite the whole picture or the whole solution. The change that I made this time is different from what I have done in the past. It's bringing me to make improvements on a constant basis. Not improvements of forcing myself to control myself against my nature, but improvements of finding a more satisfying way of life. Now I have begun learning a little bit more. I hope that will last. I hope it will grow. I am seeing some yeshuos in my life. I believe there is a connection to my behavior. As it says הן לא קצרה יד ד' מהושיע ולא כבדה אזנו משמוע כי אם עונותיכם היו מבדילים ביניכם לבין אלוקיכם . I believe my acting out was actually standing in the way of the good stuff that was at my doorstep but not able to enter. As things are getting better for me, I am wanting to behave better. I am by nature a complainer, (not verbally, but in my own mind) but I am trying to teach myself to notice the good things and be grateful. In the face of the good things I have described here, I am trying to practice being grateful. Seeing the full part of the cup rather than only seeing the un-full part. 

Hashivalisesonyishecho wrote on 16 May 2017 05:02:

Not sure why this is just for "non addicts." Addicts need a life change. I'm not sure what you did, for you weren't clear. B"H either way. Sounds good. Keep it up.

Hashivalisesonyishecho wrote on 16 May 2017 05:02:

Would you like to elaborate on the nature of the "change of substance"?
Thank you.

My change is basically that I have become willing to give up the lifestyle which has the bad behavior in it, and have a totally different life style. Not just to make syagim. It's hard to explain in a nutshell, but I have been explaining it bit by bit in this entire thread. It has been developing over the time since I have started this thread.Now I will share my most recent important event and how I am dealing with it, as it is indicative of my new approach.On this past Thursday night I fell. I searched out and viewed bad things, although very limited because my filter which is very strong doesn't really allow, but I got something bad. After about 5 minutes I stopped, and I regretted it. I have been good since.The fact that it didn't become a 'spree', the fact that I didn't figure 'I already fell so I am in the mud, so I might as well....', is because I am not in a contest with anyone or even with myself. I'm not professing to be a tzaddik at all. I'm just trying to live a good and correct life. So the 'streak' matters little. 5 minutes of sin is bad enough, I don't have to sin more. So as soon as I came to my senses, I stopped. I never said I'm perfect. I did 5 minutes worth of bad and then I stopped. It doesn't define me, as I am not at all looking to define myself one way or the other. It's just a human failing, which is bound to happen, in this area or in other areas. So I cut my losses and continue to try to do the right thing when I can.

I see a very important thing, which is relevant to all areas of self improvement. A person has an inspiration to better himself in a particular area. The inspiration is real, and he actually begins to make the change for the better, and to live with his new standard. (I'm not talking about a momentary inspiration which doesn't last the day. That's probably not very real. It's just to pacify his guilt. I'm talking about an inspiration which keeps him going for a while, and therefore seems to have some real scope.) As long as the inspiration is fresh with him, he follows it. But every inspiration is bound to weaken with time. So the only way is to put into place an active plan to keep the program alive on a steady basis. To keep the inspiration alive. I think therefore a person has to carefully choose the areas which he seeks to improve, because a person can't have countless programs, or even multiple programs, at once. And whatever area it is that he has decided to work on, needs an real active program.

This perfectly describes what I went through in deciding to join SA after I hit 90 days with GYE.

Gut Shabbos

Hashivalisesonyishecho wrote on 23 Apr 2017 04:48:

In a similar vein: Although we do not see our own faults, we manage to see the faults of others. The Baal Shem Tov taught that we must look at other people as if we are looking in a mirror. When we see fault in others, it is a sign from Hashem that we must correct that fault in ourselves.

Trouble wrote on 26 Mar 2019 03:14:

I hope that's not true when looking at one's wife; is it?

Is it? or better said It is

How u been?