Welcome to our community. I highly advise you to join the wall of Honour. It will keep you accountable and you get to track your days of sobriety. The more you read and drink from what GUE has to offer, the quicker your will get on the right pass to recovery.
You obviously have the desire, will power, capabiliy and strenghs within you to maintain your subriety. Two years is amazing, GUE will be abe to teach you how to look at your addiction in an entirely different perspective.
Stay strong.

Welcome to the forum, Struggling  in the UK.

Stick around here; you're on the right track.

It's great you can stay clean for so long.

And as you'll find out here, the struggle is about much more than staying clean or not.

A dry drunk can stay sober for years, but he's still a drunk.

We're working on ourselves so that lust just won't appeal to us anymore.

It's a process moving upwards, and it will have ups and downs.

Good luck.

  --Eye.

Regarding your feelings about your computer, I've had very similar feelings. When I got new earphones, I had the same thoughts (these earphones have never had porn played through them). When I did fall, with the new earphones/new computer, I had to try really hard to avoid giving up because the "seal" was broken on these objects. Of course, this is all just a trick to make you worse. Why should it matter what object was used? If you use it now for good things (like this website), it shouldn't make any difference. Keep using this forum, and you'll find yourself feeling much stronger than you ever have before.

Here are my 2 cents (or shall  I say 2  pence )

There is 2 issues: if we look at the past "acting out" as a "sin" then as believing Jews, we believe b'emunah shliemah in the concept of Tshuvah. Which in our case is quite simple, we stop, we regret, we say viduy!! Then............as a believer we know that we are in the eyes of the Almighty as a "new" person who never sinned! That's right the new you has no conection with the old guy!!

On the other hand if we view our past "acting out" as an addiction, then we are dealing with a sickness that needs to be treated. Period!!

Again no need for feeling as a hypocrite and to throw out the computer! All we need to do is get treatment for our "lust disease"!!

Its really simple but then again I've been hanging out here with Rabienu Guard and Rabienu Dov

Guard in his Attitude "kuntras" deals with this all at great length! Read it u won't regret it

My most heartfelt prayers for your success on the 90 day journey. Take us all along by posting along the way

All the love in the world to a fellow warrior

Noorah the smallest from the house of Amram

thanks very much - it is really appreciated.

I am on day 7

I've felt really tempted since last night. I was really pleased with myself, I went to bed and just went to sleep.

Then although I've had opportunity to be bad today, have b''H managed to resist so far.

The chart on my office wall currently with Day 9 ticked it helping. I don't know what my wife thinks it refers to but nevermind.

Struggling in the UK wrote on 03 Dec 2009 18:51:


Tell her you're working on Shemiras HaLashon.  It's half true!  ;D

First of all - keep on rocking! I feel so good to be part of a chabura of people like you, struggling and succeeding, able to get up after falls and succeed again!

I'm yeshivish, too. I would say, though, that regarding your feelings of hypocrisy - just the opposite. My personal feeling (although I could be wrong, and welcome other people's thoughts on the matter) is that any effort we put into improving ourselves spiritually will help us in other areas - and especially if it's in the same basic area. So your effort is helping you, at least a little.

Plus, you're doing your best to be makpid in one area, and falling in others - you're not going overboard with crazy chumros, you're doing something which lots of Rabbanim (although possibly not all) say is the absolute right thing to do. So look at it this way - even if  you give in to one area, you don't have to let the Y"H take control of other areas, as well!

i survived a tough day b''H

now on day 10. Gut Shabbos to all

Sometimes you feel a little drained, but doesn't it feel good to be victorious after a difficult nisayon? And know that you've done the right thing, that Hashem is smiling at you?

Have a great shabbos!

I love Shabbos - no internet and therefore no test!!

However now, after Shabbos, I'm back at the computer already. 10 days gone, I need to make sure I make it to 11 though.

Motsei Shabbos is one of my biggest black spots. Children asleep, wife asleep, clearing done and then temptation strikes. iy''H tonight I will be strong

Gut voch

We're here for you... Read the handbooks, read previous chizuk e-mails, read stories on the site, etc...

P.S. Do you have a good filter?

Keep on rockin SITU!! Yeah i know all about those motzai shabbosim. But pull through brother.

About to go to bed. Ok so far!!

Guard - long story about the filters. As I explained in OP, my old MacBook which is now my wife's, has K9 on it and is linked to a deleted email account. So basically, short of formatting the machine, it is completely out of action when it comes to misuse.

That's what led me to use my lovely new MacBook Pro for bad things. (Thankfully hasn't happened since and iy''H won't happen again).

Why don't I have K9 on it though? When the old MacBook was mine, I had K9 linked to an deleted email account. Then after a couple of months I had a box appearing in the top right corner every minute telling me to update K9. Of course I couldn't as I didn't know the password. It drove me mad!!

Luckily, about a fortnight after emailing K9 support they believed my tale and gave me a password. I was then able to update and remove the box. However, having a keen interest in the darker corners of the internet, I was soon back to old tricks.

Then I registered it to my work email which I can't access at home. This was based on the idea that I am not tempted at work and then when at night or on home days I was in the mood, there would be nothing I could do. Then one day, I was so tempted, I gave my work login and password to a colleague just so they could login to my work email and give me the temp K9 login. If that's not the yetzer hara at work I don't know what is.

Anyway, long and short of it is I don't know the best way anymore. I don't want that box coming up again. For the time being my desire to keep my computer clean - in every sense - has kept me on the straight and narrow

Struggling,

My wife has the password, and it's linked to her work e-mail account, to which I have no access.

You can do something like that, or you can contact GYE's filter gabbai.