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To tell or not to tell?

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TOPIC: To tell or not to tell? 2476 Views

To tell or not to tell? 22 Nov 2009 14:21 #29878

beamer

I am thinking of discussing these issue with my Rabbi. Hopefully, he won't pass out from the shock.

My question is?

Has anyone had good or bad experiences with this?

I don't need the riot act read to me because I read it to myself every day and I know it by heart. Can a Rabbi really be sympathetic and continue to maintain a relationship with you without you feeling like rubbish? In a way, you want him (or her, I guess) to know the 'real' you in the hope that they can help you but on the other hand...

Last Edit: by Duckjk.

Re: To tell or not to tell? 22 Nov 2009 23:06 #29946

the.guard Current streak: 805 days OFFLINE Moderator Posts: 6438 Karma: 138	Beamer, please see tool #9 of the GYE handbook... P.S. Is your Rabbi a woman?
	Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest. Last Edit: by rahul.

Re: To tell or not to tell? 23 Nov 2009 06:42 #30002

Momo Current streak: 6 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1288 Karma: 3	guardureyes wrote on 22 Nov 2009 23:06: P.S. Is your Rabbi a woman? I don't think so. Beamer wrote "I am thinking of discussing these issue with my Rabbi. Hopefully, he won't pass out from the shock."
	Last Edit: by Ajewinneed.

Re: To tell or not to tell? 23 Nov 2009 12:59 #30043

the.guard Current streak: 805 days OFFLINE Moderator Posts: 6438 Karma: 138	But he also wrote: In a way, you want him (or her, I guess) to know the 'real' you in the hope that they can help you but on the other hand... Unless he meant for others? :D
	Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest. Last Edit: by mlmsrtcb.

Re: To tell or not to tell? 23 Nov 2009 13:16 #30044

beamer	No, Rabbi is a guy. Just trying to be PC!
	Last Edit: by Freddy123.

Re: To tell or not to tell? 23 Nov 2009 15:33 #30070

kedusha Current streak: 717 days OFFLINE Administrator Posts: 3167 Karma: 46	Beamer, If your Rabbi has e-mail, I would suggest communicating with him that way using a pseudonym (I've done that). You can always reveal your identity later, if you see the need.
	Just as an alcoholic needs to avoid that first sip, a lust addict needs to avoid that first slip.Slip today? No way! ;)Fall today? No way, Jose'! Last Edit: 23 Nov 2009 15:59 by yosef6.

Re: To tell or not to tell? 23 Nov 2009 15:42 #30072

beamer	Kedusha wrote on 23 Nov 2009 15:33: Beamer, If your Rabbi has e-mail, I would suggest communicating with him that way using a pseudonym (I've done that with my Rabbi). You can always reveal your identity later, if you see the need. That is a good idea, although I still don't feel good. What was your experience like? Has anyone had experiences where they told their Rabbi?
	Last Edit: by .

Re: To tell or not to tell? 23 Nov 2009 16:04 #30077

kedusha Current streak: 717 days OFFLINE Administrator Posts: 3167 Karma: 46	You only want to tell your Rabbi if there's a need. It's like anything else: you wouldn't say to your Rav, "my wife is going to Mikvah tonight" if there were no purpose in his knowing.
	Just as an alcoholic needs to avoid that first sip, a lust addict needs to avoid that first slip.Slip today? No way! ;)Fall today? No way, Jose'! Last Edit: by vigg2022.

Re: To tell or not to tell? 23 Nov 2009 18:30 #30133

Eye.nonymous OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 2696 Karma: 15	You can always test your Rabbi out first with something lighter and indirect.
	Visit me at Eye.nonymous official countAnd also check out Additional Tools for recovery Last Edit: by Thales.

Re: To tell or not to tell? 23 Nov 2009 23:17 #30216

imtrying25 Current streak: 16 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 3010 Karma: 2	Rage!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I dont think theres an ounce of normalcy in any and i mean any of your posts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( btw thats my way of saying i love your posts man. Keep 'em pumpin)
	Last Edit: by avim26.

Re: To tell or not to tell? 23 Nov 2009 23:18 #30217

the.guard Current streak: 805 days OFFLINE Moderator Posts: 6438 Karma: 138	Rage, please see tool #9 of the GYE handbook...
	Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest. Last Edit: by johndo.

Re: To tell or not to tell? 24 Nov 2009 04:32 #30248

yrts Current streak: 9 days OFFLINE Fresh Boarder Karma: 0	Maybe you should have your rav muvhak, and a rabbi with who you talk to about whatever issues youd like to get off your chest
	Last Edit: by randomraluca.

Re: To tell or not to tell? 24 Nov 2009 07:50 #30281

bahava
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yrts wrote on 24 Nov 2009 04:32:

Maybe you should have your rav muvhak, and a rabbi with who you talk to about whatever issues youd like to get off your chest

I agree with yrts on this.

I found a rav that I've spoken to only about these issues.
He was totally understanding.
I was comforted when he told me that others had approached him with the sane issue. Then again, that was before I found this amazing community.

Last Edit: by abraham613.

Re: To tell or not to tell? 24 Nov 2009 13:47 #30303

Eye.nonymous OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 2696 Karma: 15	Kedusha wrote on 23 Nov 2009 16:04: You only want to tell your Rabbi if there's a need. It's like anything else: you wouldn't say to your Rav, "my wife is going to Mikvah tonight" if there were no purpose in his knowing. Hey, that's a good point.
	Visit me at Eye.nonymous official countAnd also check out Additional Tools for recovery Last Edit: by dogfir.

Re: To tell or not to tell? 24 Nov 2009 19:26 #30372

kanesher
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I'm gonna go with Rage here; many Rabbis are still in denial about this issue - I know this from first hand experience (not being open myself, but with discussing "issues" with them) - though anyone who is more open, involved in marriage counseling/at risk youth/kiruv should be very aware. Really depends on your circles and your rabbi; as I mentioned in another post, another masgiach suggested a bachur should learn more hilchos shabbos. gee. Useful.

A close friend who is the understanding type could be a better idea. Of course, many halachic shaalos can come up from fighting this addiction - and then clear honesty is necessary with the right Rabbi (anonymously? )

Last Edit: by hashemrunstheworld.