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My new life.

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TOPIC: My new life. 4235 Views

My new life. 01 Apr 2016 12:58 #283183

shmulyz19
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I am lucky to be alive each day. Thank you HaShem
Posts: 160
Karma: -1

I am going to honest.
Last night I was tempted by a secular music video.
A singer and his 23 models.
The models were a trigger, Their tops were too loose.
They made me realize that secular music can be a trigger.

The song I really like. Just as long as I minimize the video screen, I should be fine.
I am going to avert my eyes when I am triggered.
There are some people that really got my truck in motion. Thank you to my fellow strugglers, posters, and most important of all, my friends.

Thank you:

MarkZ
Shlomo24
The.Guard
Watson
Workingguy
Peloni Almoni
Skeptical

and last but not least
8. Cordnoy.

Again Thank You for helping brew H O N E S Tea.

Happy April fools everyone and no this not a joke.

See Here.
Shmuly

I am not a therapist offering advice. I am merely a concerned poster and Friend.. You can do it. KOT.

Please chat me anytime. I'm all ears. Thank You
Thank you... Shmuly

Last Edit: 01 Apr 2016 13:20 by shmulyz19. Reason: more info

Re: My new life. 01 Apr 2016 15:41 #283203

abd297
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Thanks for the truthful post. I think secular music and its accompaniments is a real struggle for many people. I think it's the mild nature of it, on the outside. All it is is a song that I don't see or do anything because of it. Right? I personally feel myself saying this a lot. All I can say is that I have to be smarter and more honest with myself about I listen to. It may mean cutting way back on secular music but that's where things are at right now.

Let Hashem Do His Job!

We need to jump off the conveyor belt of life and walk on our own.

You cannot make yourself feel something you do not feel, but you can make yourself do right in spite of your feelings.

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

Last Edit: 08 Apr 2016 17:41 by abd297. Reason: spelling

Re: My new life. 03 Apr 2016 23:09 #283407

shmulyz19
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I am lucky to be alive each day. Thank you HaShem
Posts: 160
Karma: -1

Hello today I went to a dairy Queen for a blizzard. And they started playing iron maiden which is a very bad heavy metal band. They do not sing about HaShem. Instead the song was about demons and I was getting triggered to act out, because I got depressed. I know that Markz is a Aspie, and so am I. Which makes me take the lyrics to heart. I got depressed. I am still wondering how this World could get so full of idol worship. I am actually saddened, because it's a very negative world....On the plus side, I got rid of that other song...

Sorry about the rant.... Shmuly

I am not a therapist offering advice. I am merely a concerned poster and Friend.. You can do it. KOT.

Please chat me anytime. I'm all ears. Thank You
Thank you... Shmuly

Re: My new life. 04 Apr 2016 11:23 #283452

the.guard Current streak: 805 days OFFLINE Moderator Posts: 6438 Karma: 138	Try to get a hold of Jewish music. There is so much out there today, tens of thousands of CDs and websites where you can download infinite amounts of music... Why go for the goyish junk when there's so much good Jewish music?
	Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.

Re: My new life. 04 Apr 2016 17:19 #283483

shmulyz19 OFFLINE Banned I am lucky to be alive each day. Thank you HaShem Posts: 160 Karma: -1	Hi Guard, I agree with you. I think that the goyish music is not that good. Some of it is ok. There is a website called www.jewishrockradio.com. I like this site.
	I am not a therapist offering advice. I am merely a concerned poster and Friend.. You can do it. KOT. Please chat me anytime. I'm all ears. Thank You Thank you... Shmuly

Re: My new life. 04 Apr 2016 20:05 #283507

Dov
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I think your bigger issue that 'how messed up the world is out there' is that this stuff bothers you at all.

Being upset about the stuff people are playing on the radio is not 'sensitivity' or 'caring'. Rather, it's obsessing about things that are none of your business. Just ignore them, man.

There was a gadol (and I mean a real gadol) in bnei Brak who discussed whether they shoulc have the city remove telephone poles because they look like cricifixes (crosses)...R' Zeidle Epstein (an ish emess and gadol baTorah, too) responded when he heard it: "And if a person sees crosses everywhere, something's not right with him perhaps."

Do you get the message?

Stop making things about you, leave other people and other things alone. mostly. If you make them your business, then you will just be making an excuse to watch all the un-tzniyus drressed women out there, next...and have the license to be angry about all the jerks out there, and, and, and.

This is not about right vs wrong. It's about being normal and yourself because you are confident about who you are, vs needing to look all around you to distinguish yourself from others in order to be sure about who you are.

If you do not know who you are yet, ShmulyZ, that's not a sin at all! It's just called adolescence. Everybody goes through it, some till their 20, some till they're 40 and most in-between. So just keep growing up and get used to letting things be as they are while you figure out who you really are. Doing so, will make your adolescence a lot more successful. For there are many of us who never get out of it and keep defining themselves according to the latest enemy out there. The Satmar Rov called them 'cats' vs 'homeowners' - both want to kill mice, but the difference is that the cat cannot tolerate a world with no mice at all (he actually wants more mice).

Workable chaver?

"Off the 18-wheeler and fine on this tricycle!", "I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons...and you are probably the same."

Re: My new life. 04 Apr 2016 20:14 #283508

shmulyz19 OFFLINE Banned I am lucky to be alive each day. Thank you HaShem Posts: 160 Karma: -1	Hello Dov, I must admit I DO NOT need to listen to bad influences. I should probably stick with Jewish music tho. I also think maybe I can dwell on Graduation in 43 days instead of the music.
	I am not a therapist offering advice. I am merely a concerned poster and Friend.. You can do it. KOT. Please chat me anytime. I'm all ears. Thank You Thank you... Shmuly

Re: My new life. 06 Apr 2016 23:02 #283850

shmulyz19
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I am lucky to be alive each day. Thank you HaShem
Posts: 160
Karma: -1

I am saddened to announce I fell again. :cry:But Guard helped me through it.

I will try SA.

If I can't do this. Maybe posting more will help.

I ~~think~~ know I can beat my yetzer hara. Which reminds me of something GYE posted in a email.

A LETTER FROM THE YETZER HARA

To my star pupil,

I am writing this letter to let you know what I think of you. Up here in heaven things are not like they are down on Earth. Over there, people only know what they can see. If they see a person is "successful", they think that he is the greatest guy. When they see somebody struggling, they think he might be one of the weaker elements.

Let me tell you something. Hashem gives every person certain abilities that nobody knows about down where you live. Some people are capable of tremendous things, while others were put there for much smaller purposes. Only Hashem in His infinite wisdom is able to give every person exactly what he needs, to reach his potential.

I am very misunderstood. Most people hate me, and I don't really blame them. Most people think that my job is to make sure that they fail in all aspects of Mitzvos, and that I rejoice every time they sin. This is the furthest thing from the truth. Did you ever watch a boxing coach train his student? It is really a funny sight. The coach will put on gloves, and fight against his student. At first, he won't hit him so hard, or throw his best punches. But, as the student gets better and better, the coach will start to fight him harder and harder. He does this so that the student will improve his skills, and become the best boxer he can be. This is where it gets strange. Every time the coach knocks down the student, the student gets yelled at!! But finally, when the coach threw everything he has at his student, and not only does he withstand the beating, but he knocks the coach down, there is nobody in the world happier then the coach himself!

This is exactly how I feel. If you fail right away, and don't even try to fight back, I see that there is not much talent to work with, and so I take it easy on you. But if you get back up swinging, I realize that I may have a real winner here, and so I start to intensify the beating. With every level that you go up, I increase the intensity of the fight. If you finally deal me a blow that knocks me out, I will get up and embrace you and rejoice with your success.

Sometimes my job is very disappointing I see a person with a lot of potential and I start right in on him. He fights back for a while, but when the fight gets too tough, he quits and just remains on whatever level he was on. (And he usually ends up going down!) I feel like yelling at him, "Get up you fool! Do you have any idea how much more you could be accomplishing?!" But I am not allowed to do so. I just leave him alone, and go try to find another promising candidate.

If I have chosen you to be the target of my more fierce battles, it was not for no reason! You have tremendous ability! You were born into a very special family, you have Rabbeim who really care about you, and parents who would help you grow in Torah and Mitzvos. You are a very respectful and kind person.

I am writing to you now, because I have a very serious request to ask of you. Please don't step fighting! Don't give up! I have been beating too many people lately, and I am losing patience, Believe in yourself, because I would not be involved with you as much as I am if I didn't think you could beat me. Know what your strengths are! A great Rabbi once said: "Woe is to he who doesn't know his weaknesses. But, 'Oy Vavoy' to him who doesn't know his strengths - for he will not have anything with which to fight."

Always remember one thing: you have a secret weapon at your disposal. I shouldn't really be telling you - but I will anyway. Hashem himself is watching our "training" sessions very closely. I'm pleased to inform you that He's rooting for you! If things should ever get tough, almost too tough to bear, just callout to Him with a prayer, and He will immediately come to your aid. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope that after 120 years when your time is up in that world of falsehood, you will come up here to the world of truth, where I will be waiting for you with open arms, to congratulate you on your victory, and personally escort you to your place next to the Kisey HaKavod.

Sincerely, and with great admiration I remain, Your Yetzer Hara I ~~hope think~~ know I can beat him this time around. Shmuly

I am not a therapist offering advice. I am merely a concerned poster and Friend.. You can do it. KOT.

Please chat me anytime. I'm all ears. Thank You
Thank you... Shmuly

Re: My new life. 07 Apr 2016 03:20 #283867

Dov OFFLINE Administrator Posts: 1960 Karma: 383	Then you are not trying 12 Steps, by definition.
	"Off the 18-wheeler and fine on this tricycle!", "I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons...and you are probably the same." Last Edit: 08 Apr 2016 02:20 by Dov.

Re: My new life. 07 Apr 2016 18:11 #283915

shmulyz19 OFFLINE Banned I am lucky to be alive each day. Thank you HaShem Posts: 160 Karma: -1	To be honest. I really do not more people knowing about my problem then what is needed. I tried getting the website on a different computer but it would not go through. I really do not like talking in front of other people like that.
	I am not a therapist offering advice. I am merely a concerned poster and Friend.. You can do it. KOT. Please chat me anytime. I'm all ears. Thank You Thank you... Shmuly

Re: My new life. 08 Apr 2016 02:38 #283953

Dov
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Posts: 1960
Karma: 383

shmulyz18 wrote on 07 Apr 2016 18:11:

To be honest. I really do not more people knowing about my problem then what is needed. I
tried getting the website on a different computer but it would not go through. I really do not like talking in front of other people like that.

'More people'? Who asked you to reveal anything at all to anybody?

You are the one who wrote "I will try SA"...though you did not explain what you mean by "SA". Do you mean you will read the SA books? Or that you will attend SA meetings? or that you will work their steps on your own? Or something else? You never said what you mean. I do not assume anything - except that your meaning is unclear.

And when I wrote "Then you are not trying 12 steps (or SA) by definition", all I meant is that as long as you go and write as you did, "I can beat my yetzer hara"...then you are rejecting the 12 steps altogether anyhow, right from the start.

So make up your mind. Are you giving up to win the way Hashem helps all other successfully sober Jewish and gentile addicts in 12-step groups all over the world - or are you setting out to beat your yetzer hora? It isn't gonna work if it's both. For they are completely mutually exclusive and opposite approaches in attitude and in action. Until you pick, one will always negate the other.

Or have you figured out a 3rd path?

"Off the 18-wheeler and fine on this tricycle!", "I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons...and you are probably the same."

Re: My new life. 08 Apr 2016 02:53 #283956

shmulyz19 OFFLINE Banned I am lucky to be alive each day. Thank you HaShem Posts: 160 Karma: -1	The.Guard suggested I try live SA like meetings and phone conferences. I am kinda nervous that I will mess up automatically. As is my track record for a lot of things. I am going to talk to my parents about the live SA. And their thoughts on it. This is my exit for the night. The gas prices have gone up. LOL But really I am tired of being pulled in by lust. Good night. Shalom.
	I am not a therapist offering advice. I am merely a concerned poster and Friend.. You can do it. KOT. Please chat me anytime. I'm all ears. Thank You Thank you... Shmuly

Re: My new life. 09 Apr 2016 15:26 #284086

shmulyz19
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I am lucky to be alive each day. Thank you HaShem
Posts: 160
Karma: -1

Hello I fell last night on Erev Shabbos.
It's not so much porn anymore. It's masturbation.
I know it's Shabbos. But I needed to get this off my chest. And I am being honest in what happened

I am really saddened that I needed to jack off. I kept telling myself 3 things.

1. It's now Shabbos.
2. Will you feel better?
3. what the hell are you doing?
My other side told me to hell with Shabbos, i'm jacking off.

I really need to keep my occupied with something else.
My Mom was diagnosed with a thyroid Disorder not long ago. And I am scared she will die before we make Aliyah in Nov.-Dec.
Again I am really saddened and disgusted with myself.

I am not a therapist offering advice. I am merely a concerned poster and Friend.. You can do it. KOT.

Please chat me anytime. I'm all ears. Thank You
Thank you... Shmuly

Re: My new life. 09 Apr 2016 21:08 #284089

MeyerLemon
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Shmulyz18, the yetzer hara doesn't rest on Shabbos, and we are human. Please know that you are not the only one not exactly shomer Shabbat, but thank G-d, that at least you feel bad about it. So many Jews don't care about that.

Perhaps you can do Knas in honor of your mother and donate to an organization that she would support. You have no control over whether or not she will make Aliyah in Nov.-Dec. But perhaps we can pray to HaShem that she will receive refuah sheleimah, and that she will make Aliyah.

Re: My new life. 09 Apr 2016 21:54 #284090

shmulyz19 OFFLINE Banned I am lucky to be alive each day. Thank you HaShem Posts: 160 Karma: -1	Thank you Meyer. this helps a lot. I am worried about her. Because Wisconsin spring can be a bit chilly. I am going to keep davening for her, and staying clean.
	I am not a therapist offering advice. I am merely a concerned poster and Friend.. You can do it. KOT. Please chat me anytime. I'm all ears. Thank You Thank you... Shmuly