First off,
I would just like to welcome myself to the "community." I wish everyone Hatzlocha
I have begun sobriety on Rosh Chodesh Shevat. My problem has always been that it is easy in the beginning but, after a few weeks I just cant hold back anymore. What changes after 90 days? does get so much easier after?
Thanx

I like that nickname "me2" - as in "me too". Yes, "you too" have this problem, and "you too" are joining this powerful community of warriors. On this forum, we learn to see the addiction as something good. It is our "spring board" to spiritual heights. It is really a gift from Hashem in disguise, so that in the process of learning to break free we can learn how to give our hearts over to Hashem, as the pasuk says "Ten bni libcha li - give me, my son, your heart".

It says in the sefarim that sometimes we didn't have full bechirah in the past. Never let the past concern you at all. If that is the ONE thing you learn from our entire website, it will have been worth it. The Yetzer Hara's biggest trick is to tell you that you are a sinner and there's no use. Hashem understands how hard it is. He put you in this struggle so you could learn how to love him truly, one step at a time. Each time you make a new push for it, each time you do any small thing to try and get holier and break free, it gives Hashem tremendous nachas ruach.

Please make sure to use out all the tools of our website (see the homepage and the nav bar for the links)... Keep posting on this forum. Read the stories, read the Chizuk tips. Know that the longer you stay clean, the easier it gets. It's hard at first, but as you progress - especially after 90 days, it gets so much easier. Join the phone conferences, keep reading the daily chizuk e-mails... learn the 12-Steps, maybe even join a 12-step group... Call Elya on the hotline, etc... And most importantly - GET A STRONG, FOOLPROOF INTERNET FILTER! You can put in my e-mail address as the contact so you can't get the password from them (and if you need to make adjustments to the filter, I can log on to your computer using a small program called "ShowMyPc" when you give me a specially generated code.)..

We are excited to welcome a new member to our close-knit and vibrant community of sincere yidden who are looking for moral and spiritual purity!

1. About lack of bechirah, do you remember mekoros? It is something that I keep thinking might be the  case, but do not know of any source for.

2. To say that one should never be concerned about the past, does not sound right at all. This is something that is a huge topic, is discussed a lot and depends on many things. I'm sure you know all of this. Sometimes this has to be done, but certainly not always. "Never Say Never," is an understatment here. "Never let the past concern you at all if attention to the past will impede your progress forward", may be the appropriate statement here. That admittedly is often a major stumbling block for many people, many times. But it is not something which always applies at all.

Well, I just saw it this past week in Rav Tzvi Meyer's sefarim on Hischazkus, parshas shemos - shovavim. I would have to look again and see if he brings a Mekor...

Maybe Battleworn would know?

dear me2, yes, it gets easier.i dont feel the urge anymore to take a detour on the way home from shopping.i never thought that this would happen.but it never disappears totally.that's why i call my sponsor once a week to keep myself in line. jack

also, i notice some people worrying about tomorrow.they say 'it's easy today, but how is it going to be tomorrow?' dont do this.i'm sorry to say it this way, but the gemara in sanhedrin says you might not even be ALIVE tomorrow, so you're worrying about a world that might not even be yours!think about today, or better, think about this second, and not any time past the present time.when it comes, then you'll think about it. and, oh yes, one more thing, dont think about the past either - it is gone, it's of no use.when you do teshuva later, then maybe regret the past, but certainly not in the beginning stages.

Rabeinu Guard is right, I do know some mekoros, but I want to look them up before I quote them.

I meant he was right when he said that maybe I know. Sorry for not being more clear

Wow, battleworn just shared with me a Shiur that brings this very concept down from the Steipler in his letters. It's an amazing Shiur and I want to share it with everyone.

Battleworn, what is the URL for downloading it?

guardureyes wrote on 03 Feb 2009 21:10:


I  am also waiting for this shiur. By the way, if it is not in the dowloadable letter, can you tell me where it is in the sefer?
I am not familiar with the Steipler's sforim, but would like to be.

Here it is: www.guardureyes.com/GUE/Music/mus/ShiurYesodos.mp3

I highly suggest everyone struggling with this should listen to this Shiur.

Thank you Battleworn!

I don't need to write the mekoros that are brought in the shiur, but I do want to add a few points.

1) It should be clear that the loshon of the Gemoroh that he he brings "Ma ya'aseh etc." is clearly a implying that in that case there's no bechira.

2) R' Tzadok -in the same place- also brings another Gemoroh (Kesubos 51b) that discusses a particular situation. The Gemoroh says it's considered "oiness" because "yetzer albisha" -The yetzer haroh took hold of her. The Ramba"m in Hilchos Isurei Biah (1.9.) explains as follows: "Ein b'yodoh sheloh tirtzeh, sheyetzer ha'odom v'tivoh kofeh osuh lirtzos" -the yetzer and nature of a person forces him..

3) It's very important to remember what R Tzadok says at the end: A person can not testify on himself that he couldn't have  done better; only Hashem knows.

4) Even if a person could have possibly done better, the sin is measured according to how difficult the test was. If he was almost an oiness, the sin is that much smaller. Not at all like the yetzer horoh wants you to think that you're worthless and hopeless.

5) There is also a Halacha that even if one knew that a certain action is forbidden but he didn't know how severe it is he is considered "shogeg"

6) It's very very important to remember that we always have bechira to do everything in our power to change the situation. One who is lax in taking the nessecary steps, will most definitely pay for it

7) The Zohar that is often quoted that says that Hashem dosen't give a nissoyon that we can't pass, just means that if we can't pass it then it's not a nissoyon and we won't be held responsible.