Hey again.

I fell.........again. this is so annoying. I can't believe I keep fallign this often. its so sad. On one hand I want to have charata(regret) and on the other I'm worried it will bring me to depression (another y'h I"m fighting).

I have k9, but due to password issues I keep falling. My roomate is now in control and helping me through, but its so sad.

the worst part is that its just become so mutar in my mind. I used to be scared when I did it. Now i can't even think once i start. like i know i'm doing it, but i can't stop. i can even be forced to distract myself, but it doens't go away. like tonight i started to fall, went ot class, came back and finished the job.... 1 and a hlaf hours later almost!

i think i want to make a shevua, and i think i could hold to it, but i don't know how to properly phrase it.

I want it to protect me from p#$% for 10 days, but i don't know how to phrase it without falling into the questions of :

          1 - how does one define p$%#
          2 - will accidentally looking at something not tznius be an issur deorayta?
          3- is it appropriate at all?
any advice would be greatly helpful.

in need of help,          Aaron

I feel with you.  I keep falling, too.

I think for your questions how to define porn, how to define a fall, see the GUIDELINES for the 90 DAY chart here on GYE.

Also, I don't know how often you are falling.  Every day?  Once a week?  I've never really used Shavua's to motivate myself--I think I'm afraid of the idea.  BUT, if you choose to, it's probably a good idea to make it just long enough to stretch your abilities now.  OR, just to keep you to consistent.

It might even be better to make a series of short shavuas.

TODAY I'm going to stay clean.

Then do it again tomorrow.  See how it goes.

That's just my thought on the matter.

Please read the Attitude Handbook, Principle #1. You will understand better what you are UP against.

An addiction is not simple to break. But we must or we will end up destroying our lives in this world and the next (not to mention our future family)... Addictions don't get better, only worse...

For the rules about what is considered a fall or a slip, see rule #8 on this page.

Before you make any vows, make sure to read through this page and this page carefully.

The most useful vows are usually if you vow to do something you really do not enjoy doing if you fall. Like a bus ride to the beis Hakevaros to daven by the kever of a tzadik, or to say 50 kappitle tehhilim or do 100 pushups within 1 hour's time, etc...

Also, never make a vow for more than a few days/week at a time... If it works for you, keep remaking the vow before it expires - for longer and longer periods...

May Hashem be with you!