I decided that it is not smart for me to get married until my addiction is under control (clean for 6 months to a year) as suggested by GYE staff. However my friends are all getting married and my parents are pushing me very hard to go into shidduchim. They don't know about this problem and can't figure out why I'm pushing off shidduchim (this is a descision that I already made and is not the reason I am writing this forum). Because of this reason I am in a tremendous rush to pull out fast but I keep falling. I am not sure that it would be smart for me to go to a live 12 step group because I am not holding there yet. Is there a way I can work the 12 steps myself? with a sponsor? the phone confrences don't seem to be helping me. any other ideas? should I run strait to a therapist? I already spent time with introspection, making kabbalos, learning full time in yeshiva, listening to phone confrences and none of it worked. I have literally been trying to fight an unsucceful losing battle for years. I feel hopeless and deppressed and thats why I'm just checking to see if anybody has ideas for me.

what were the nature of the phone conferences, and for how long did you try them?
Have you read any of those books?