hello heilege people!!!  what, as a 17 yr old yeshiva bochur , can i do about my struggles with shmiras ainayim. in my world this topic is not something you can do talk to your rebbe/mashgiach/rosh yeshiva about!!!!!

Tzadik Yesod Olam sweet holy yeshiva man,

Warmest shalom alichem and welcoming  hugs to as you join chabura kadisha!!

There are good people to talk to and it is very important to seek them out. 

The first thing I will tell you and  I'm sure that a Talmud Chochom as yourself is aware of the gemorah that the baal duver starts up with Talmidei chachomim more then with anyone else!

I'm sure u know the Gmara in Kiddushin 82a with reb Amram Chasida!
So there is northing to be embarrassed to speak to someone rov rebbe ry or mashgiach that  u trust. What is embarrassing to admit that you are struggling with the nisyonos of Yosef Hatzadik?

This  whole generation is struggling with these holy nisyonos!

Chazak Chazak Achi!

Oz nidbiru ish el reiyhu.....

With tremendous respect to a Chashuver ben torah and with fiery love to a fellow warrior

Noorah the smallest from the house of Amram

Hey welcome to the forum!

Dont sweat it Hashem loves you, you'll learn to love yourself, and you'll definitely love Reb Guard!

Were all here for each other. If you have any questions or just wanna my email is Yiddle2@gmail.com

-INH

One more thing my dearest friend,

Rabienu Guard the "Rosh Yeshiva" of Yeshivas GuardYourEyes wrote 2 very chashuver kuntreisim   on this sugya and is required reading for all bnei aliya. most of it is shaveh lchol nefesh.  Very well worth your while to read it.

The "kuntraisim" can be found on the top right of the homepage of www.guardyoureyes.org... Download the top two e-books.

They are GUARNTEED

Dear brother

WELCOME aboard our Taivas Noach!

You may be suprised how forthcoming your mashgiach will be!

As you will see here in GYE this problem is very common, struggling with it is less 

So number 1 is, you are perfect normal, even special as you are fighting it!

Number 2, there is a Tremendous amount of chizuk available here and in other places.

Your mashgiach will be more than willing to help you (he knows the situation much better than you) and will look up to you for seeking help (he wishes more would do).
I suppose your mashgiach is a looked up person and this is a golden opportunity to start a relationship with him that will last a lifetime. You will thank Hashem always for this clever move.

be brave, do the right thing and lett us know how it went.

Love always

G

Its too bad to hear you say that but are you sure about that. I went through the yeshiva world as well im actually in kollel now too, and i always felt that there are people to talk to but you have too approach them first. Many rebbeim/mashgichim are hesitant to approach a bocher because thay are afraid of the reaction but they are definitly there to help you. If you dont feel that way then youve definitly come to the right place. There are so many people on this site that love you and want the best for you without even knowing who you are. Check around the site because its got lots to offer and youll be amazed.

Dear yrts,

I'm the admin of this forum. Welcome to our community! You are very fortunate to have found our community and reach out for help at such a young age. Many people's lives are ultimately ruined by these things, and boy do they wish they had had the tools when they were your age!

If you are struggling only with Shmiras Ainayim issues, you may find our daily shmiras ainayim Chizuk e-mail very useful. Sign up here.

There's also a great book that you can download on-line by the Salant Foundation on guarding the eyes. See this page: www.koshereyes.com/page2.php

However, if you are struggling with more than just shmiras ainayim such as an addiction to viewing inappropriate stuff on-line or masturbation, the following tips can really help you:

Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. You’re worth it.

Also, join the daily "Breaking Free" Chizuk e-mail list to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can’t be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week… This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world’s most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. They lay down the cornerstone and foundation of our work, and they make our network much more effective and helpful for people.

You see, until now, people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, a beginner wouldn’t jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while on the other hand, someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn’t be helped by the standard tips of "making fences" putting in "filters" etc… So it was essential to develop a handbook which details all the techniques and tools to dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now with these handbooks, anyone can read through and see what steps they’ve tried already, and if those steps haven’t worked, they can continue on through the handbook where the steps become progressively more powerful and "addiction-oriented".

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Note: You might want to print them out to read away from the computer. Keep in mind though, that if you do this, you won’t be able to click on the many web links in the articles. But you can always come back to them later. The truth is, it’s anyway good to go through the whole handbook once without clicking on links, just to get an overview of all the tools available. Once you did that, you can start again from tool #1 and read each tool through more carefully, click the links and study each technique and assess whether you have tried it fully yet or not…

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook

This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude

The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

May Hashem be with you!

thank you all for your kind words of support. there are two things that you all have to realize about my situation.    1. B''H i am known as a very prestigious bochur in a very prestigious yeshiva ("there is no such thing that exists"), and 2. the rebbe and mashgiach that i have are not equipped with the tools to handle such issues(very shtarke people), and i am sure that bringing this up will only end in expulsion, so if anyone has any ideas, please help me out.         
all the best,
                                                                                    yaakov

I thought I offered some ideas above...  , no?

Also, if you feel you need to speak to someone, call our hotlines: www.guardureyes.com/GUE/hotline/Hotline.asp

Be well!

Hey Reb Yaakov,

I would consider joining a support group if I were you. It may sound extreme, and it did to me only a week ago. But to be honest you dont have to participate and its only an hour a day. And you will want to participate once you are there. The people have great insight and the moderator is amazing. If you want to talk further email me at Yiddle2@gmail.com we can gmail chat or just email. Hatzlocha rabbah.

-INH

Hi, welcome to our community!

I don't post much except in my thread, but I felt like I have to say something since I'm in a similar situation to yours; I'm also 17 and in yeshiva.

I'm not alone, and now you aren't either. In this struggle it's important to have support and be part of a community, because, unfortunately, it's a lot easier to let down Hashem than it is to let down people. Furthermore, this is a place in which you can be proud of what you've accomplished on your journey, and positive support is a great thing.

One important point: you've got to stay here and track your progress. Don't let the original inspiration of teshuva that led you to join this site die.

Good luck on your journey! Let's get to 90 together!

Hello yeshiva bachur yrts.

I'm not sure if your 'shtark' mashgiach etc would not understand. Assuming that they are human and men, they know what its like.
However, as you say, they may not be able to help you much, they may not understand your matzav right now.

Do you have any friends that  are yerai shamayim, and have common sense ( a precious commodity, btw)? Perhaps if you would be brave enough to bring up the subject with one of them, you (and they) would be forever greatful. (pun intended). Dibuk chavairim in a yeshiva setting is priceless.


R' Matisyahu Solomon told a friend of mine, who asked him how to work on kedusha:
the aleph bais is, you need to WANT to be a kadosh.

there are infinite levels of WANTing, so while you obviously DO want (why else would you be here), you can and perhaps need to build on it.

I've found that working on the 'atitude' handbook (link provided by Guard above) on a daily basis does wonders. Also, you can print out a thread (without the colorful avatars and smileys, unfortunately!) in its entirety by clicking on the print tab on the top right of the screen. It uses a lot of paper etc, but it really gives you a chance to read through a whole thread, and there are some very helpful ones, such as bardichevs battle, whats wrong with just looking, etc.

keep off the internet as much as possible, but do step in to let us know how you are doing. We care... it is a chizuk for all of us!

k

Kutan KUtan Kutan always saying the perfect thing at the perfect time. How do you do this?? It must come from your loe for every jew that you have and of course from you anivoos.

THANK YOU, I am trying who is currently 25, for the compliments.

All I can say is that I've 'been there, done that', although the 'that' was on some (many?) occasions the opposite of what I recommend  > .

And, I've learned tons of stuff from the other people on the forum. 7up (who is overflowing with common sense), Bardy (who says it as it is) and Dov (one message, in a 1000 different ways) are my personal favorites.

k

SAYS IT AS IS = HONESTY

IMT: BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF LOOK AT YOURSELF IN THE "WAY' YOU WOULD WANT  OTHERS TP LOOK AT YOU

LOOKS GOOD?

GREAT!!

NOW MAKE IT HAPPEN

BTW

SOMEWHERE IN MIDDLE OF THE UPHILL BIKE RIDE YOU WILL GET A HITCH!