Hi folks,

I'm not dead! Hooray! I've been somewhat absent from the forum lately.  I'm sure I was missed.  You can all breathe easy now.
I am, however, nearly insane. G-d, with His infinite sense of humor, has cast me into a nidah period that is going on 4 weeks now and shows no signs of being over any time soon. HA! I know I'm getting little sympathy from the singles out there. Possibly from anyone.  Not really looking for sympathy.  Empathy? Maybe. Actually, I'm just trying to keep myself clean, and posting always helps. I basically spend my days lately fighting off waves of unwanted thoughts. It's wearing on me. Alas.

Mr. Smith

Dear Mr.Smith,

We all feel for you...

One of the secrets to beating this is to know that we don't have to deal with tomorrow. If you feel weak and you're about to fall, tell yourself that you reserve the right to act-out tomorrow. But just for today, you will stay clean no matter what! You know, we think we can't live without it, but we are often surprised to find that we can. One guy in SA was saying "I won't give in TODAY, even if my tuchus falls off!". And you know something? His tuchus never did fall off - and he is a few years clean today. By taking it one day at a time, you can succeed for periods of 4 weeks and more!

Also, since this is your wife and you know that one day she'll be permitted to you, it is easier. It is "pas be'salo" and not as difficult as if you were single.

Like you said, we have many single people on our network who are clean for months, even years. They do not have "pas be'salo" as you do, and yet they still manage to stay clean.

When your wife is not permitted for long periods, you can look at it as a blessing - in a way. It is an opportunity for you to "turn off" lust completely, and give your desires to G-d. It is an opportunity for growth.

See this story on our website:
www.guardureyes.com/GUE/Stories/FeatureStory.asp
At the very end of the story, we see how this person did not believe they could possibly make it through 6 weeks after birth. Rabbi Twerski answered him there...

See also these pages of our FAQ:
www.guardureyes.com/GUE/Tips/lfln.asp
www.guardureyes.com/GUE/FAQ/FAQ1.asp
www.guardureyes.com/GUE/FAQ/FAQ17.asp

Be well!

For myself, I find that anticipation of being permitted makes it harder. I try to 'shut down' lust wise, and imagine that it is over.
Then  I can only be surprised in a pleasant way.
k

Everyone has his own Nisyonos.  The fact that some people are currently single (hopefully that will change soon, b'Shaah Tova) is not the issue.

Imagine that it's Tisha b'Av, and your fast is going well.  All of a sudden, someone (who is not fasting) decides to cook up a storm, and the aroma of the food starts to make the fast difficult for you.  Our situation is comparable.  We can remove ourselves from this desire for significant periods of time, provided that we don't allow our eyes to stray.