sup.

I've been clean thank God for 2.5 weeks. Things are going really well.  ;D ;D ;D

Would this be a bad time to start dating (to get married)?

I'm 22, so there's no major rush. But I think I might be ready for it.

you should ask a shaila. if not to you're rav than maybe to Rabbi Twersky.
It's extremely important in this area to have guidance from daas torah.
worked for me, BORUCH HASHEM! :D
hatzlacha!

Ah dating...I played that game in addiction land, not so healthy. Found myself either "not caring" about looks because I couldn't separate shmutz from bas yisrael and kind of figured it was all evil, or caring too much, and either way not being able to make an intelligent decison. B"Chasdey Hashem I am married and happily, but that had nothing to with me because I was an idiot. Am, actually.

R' Moshe writes about this addiction to try to get married soon, but for most of us - myself included - found that doesn't seem to help, and having this addiction in your marriage messes things up big time. BIG TIME. So if you can detox (I don't know - figure another few weeks) , let your sensitivity go down, and start being able to deal with a girl in a respectful way, and yourself - in other words, being able to deal with her with self-confidence because she doesn't have total control over you - and yourself - it's a huge ma'ala, and these decisions are too big to made under the influence. Also, often this addiction comes from deeper issues, and those are definetly great to deal with before the chuppah. Don't I know it!!!

Oh yeah, and Kol HaKavod on two 1/2 weeks!

I just got an answer on this question from Rav Avraham Twerski today:

Sorry for the delay.
I don't know of any hard and fast rules on how long one must be abstinent.
It is important to know that the addiction is under control before considering marriage. Marriage is not a hospital and does not cure addiction, and continuation of the addiction is likely to ruin a marriage.
Attendance at SA meetings and getting support from the group can be very helpful.
An excellent therapist is Dr.Richard Leedes in NJ. 609-497-9323.
At the risk of nepotism, I can also recommend my son, Dr. Benzion Twerski in Brooklyn, 718-437-4118
Twerski

b'ahava:

I started a thread called: "dating under the influence", a few weeks ago check it out for a more extensive discussion among members of the GUE community on this topic.

-INH

Alright Gentlemen.

4 weeks clean today thank god.

Also, my first date tonight.

Wish me hatzlacha!!!!!!!!

Good luck!! ;D

Sooo happy for you.

May you find your basherte quickly.

And may you find favor in her/his eyes. (Are you a boy or a girl?)

May everything go smoothly as befits a beloved warrior of the king.

And may you benefit from a healthy and warm home to continue on your path with vigor!

I noticed before that Rabbi Twerski's answers always relate to an addict before fighting his addiction.
He does not elaborate about a fighter well on the way.

My daas baal habayis is that the confidence one gets from a loving and trusting spouse helps a lot to gain confidence and with that courage to fend off any assault from the YH with more ease.

I understand that this depends on each individual how much they progress but in general I believe it is very helpful in securing the future, once we identified the past and took care of it.

Keep us updated PLEEEASE

Yay B'ahava,

Dont forget: dont burp, always let her sit first, smile, tuck your shirt in, and most important of all.... THANK HASHEM.

-INH

P.S give us an update afterwrards. Were like your siblings waiting for you to come home from your date.

g'luck! start davening hard now.

ok, fine. i'll update you guys on the dating situation.

not nearly as awkward as i had expected. and its probably not gonna work out.

but thats okay. it was a learning opportnity. and i gained a lot.

most of all, i got over probably my biggest fear of all time. yeah, it was a crazy 2 weeks leading up to it.

just keeping you guys in the loop.

Yiddle2 wrote on 26 Oct 2009 17:19:


link please ;-)

check this out

rehab-my-site.com/guardureyes/forum/index.php?topic=1444.0

and this

rehab-my-site.com/guardureyes/forum/index.php?topic=1111.0

Somethings gotta be done about these pointless NEW threads. They take up valuable space of old threads that could be on page 1. And i dont mean to say that this is a pointless topic. Just continue this discussion from the thread it was originally on.

-Yiddle

Yiddle2 wrote on 13 Jan 2010 14:22:


yiddle, I merged the two new ones into the old one. Please guys, DO NOT make new threads to reply to a post in an existing thread. It is a tremendous waste of space and time, and your message is less likely to be read by those following the original thread.