Hi. I am B”H a recovering porn addict for over 14 months now. I feel I should share some of my experience as to what helped. These were mistakes that I made and I needed to change my attitude before I was able to break free.
The first messed up attitude that needs to be corrected, is making the big “religious” mistake by saying to yourself, “NOPE, I am going to beat the habit myself, and not only that, but I am going to do a teshuva shelayma. Like the Rambam says, a teshuva shelama is with the same lady, in the same private situation, with the same level of Taivah, and if you are not nichshol then that’s a Teshuva Shelayma.” This is a huge mistake, because the Rambam doesn’t CHAS V’SHALOM mean that you should put yourself in this same situation as you had before that you were nichshol in, in order to test yourself, CHAS V’SHALOM A MILLION TIMES! The Rambam just means that if Chas V’Shalom, totally by accident, you happen to find yourself in the same situation that you once actually sinned and this time you control yourself, so you know that you did a Teshuvah Shelayma. But you are never allowed to “TEST YOURSELF”. So as they say in Brooklyn, “FUGGEDABOUDIT”. This is absolute Atzas Haytzer.
The Teshuva Shelayma is (either by getting rid of the computer, but since typically that’s not possible) YOU MUST INSTALL A TOP LEVEL FILTER. I am talking from experience. I am porn free for over 14 months straight!!! The main thing that helped me was to level with my wife, (I showed her this sight so that she can see just what a Yetzer Hora this can be, and how many people. I especially showed her the first 3 pages of the TaPHSiC post that is on this site. It's a great post because it's so true. It shows how even though a person can really be a Yiras Shomayim, nevertheless the pull for this is very strong, and the excitement is just so overwhelming. So the best idea that works it's to BREAK FREE and put TOP OF THE LINE FILTERS on your computer. I recommend Jnet level 4, or even better, the white list. A huge advantage of the Jnet is that it blackens/blocks all skin color. This doesn't work 100% of the time, but I would say 90% of the time (besides the regular filtering that it does by blocking web pages, but even on web pages that it lets you go to, it still has lots of advertisements showing women that sneak through, but 90% of those get covered. Whatever you set up, it should be backed up with passwords that YOU DO NOT HAVE ACCESS TO. Also, YOUR CELL PHONE MUST NOT HAVE BROWSER CAPABILITIES! if you must have it, and I mean must, TYPICALLY it's because you need email. Well, Jnet has such a setup as well, and there are other apps that can remove the browser from your cell, just look into getting the select phones that these protections work with. THAT'S CALLED BREAKING FREE. YOU WILL SEE THAT AT FIRST IT WILL HURT A LITTLE, BUT EVENTUALLY SINCE IT'S OUT OF SITE, IT WILL BE OUT OF MIND. Now if you are thinking of keeping up your MOVIE habits, then you are in trouble. It will definitely without question ignite the spark of passion in you.
Also, the thoughts that, "I just want to see this "last thing" or the thought that "just today, just this last time, and "that's it", is the oldest story in the book. There's no way you can keep letting yourself "fall" for the Yetzer Horas baloney stories that keep getting you "hook line and sinker".
Another attitude that must be dropped is the feeling, like all addicts feel, of the dread of assuming that the “pain” of not being able to “watch” will stay with you forever, but it’s NOT TRUE. It WILL eventually go away. OUT OF SIGHT IS OUT OF MIND! It’s hard to believe, but it’s true. I am not saying that it will be easy, but it can absolutely be done if you are serious about it. Of course I believe that you need to give up even the stuff that’s not porn, because otherwise watching regular movies will till be feeding the addiction, since 95% of movies have seductive women in them which is going to (eventually) drag you back down. This “pain”, that will eventually go away after getting used to not watching for a while, is all “part of the Kapara”. Now I personally do not know if it’s possible to do just stop porn without stopping to watch “regular” movies, I personally doubt it and I am just giving you my personal story the way I did it.
It wasn’t easy at first, but it was certainly worth it spiritually, regarding doing the Teshuva of ”not straying after one’s eyes, and it also drastically freed up my life to do more productive things such as learning more Torah and putting more time into supporting my family. HOPEFULLY, AT SOME POINT YOU WILL REALIZE, HOLY BLEEP, I’M GETTING MORE AND MORE ADDICTED TO THIS STUFF, AND IT IS GOING TO START AFFECTING YOUR LIFE IN A VERY REAL WAY, MORE AND MORE AND MORE. NOW IS THE TIME TO TAKE THE PLUNGE AND STOP.
In passing I would just note that if you are using Peer-to-peer software, you better not be viewing and or sharing CHIDREN OR EVEN TEENAGE PORN, (anyone under 18 is considered a minor) since IT IS 100% ILLEGAL TO DOWNLOAD AND VIEW. This can bring to REAL JAIL TIME, as crazy as that sounds, as I read articles about this a year ago before Rosh Hashana 5774.
I believe that once you are being blocked from a lot of the entertainment sites the Yetzer Hora will calm down, and you will have less of a need for the movies. Of course if you are watching Television you will have the same problems. Breaking Free will free up your time for many more spiritual endeavors and even business/educational endeavors. You need help. Get people in your life involved. You are normal and part of a huge amount of people that are having the same struggles as you are. Hatzlacha Rabba. Broke Free.