I am starting this topic because I have gotten mixed reviews wheather or not to start dating while still struggling with shmiras einayim and shmiras habris. I can really kind of see it both ways. Although i see more on the side of not dating until its under control. Anyone have any opinions they'd like to share? Should i take this off the forum?

-INH

TZADDIK YOU CAN GET TONS OF ADVICE HERE THIS SUGYA WAS DISCUSSED MANY TIMES

BUT WEDONT KNOW "YOU" THE  BEST IS TO SPEAK WITH "YOUR" REBBE

B

I could speak to my Rebbe about anything that goes onto this website so why should I come here at all if I could do that? I am posting this here to get personal feedback from people that have done this or thought about doing this or are even thinking about doing this.

I FEEL DATING IS TOO PERSONAL AND YOU NEED S/O WHO KNOWS YOU!

how about writing to rabbi twersky with details about where you're up to now and details about where you're coming from, what you struggle with...
that's what i did. and it worked out great!!!!!!!!!!!

LISTEN TO THE GIRL SHE IS

GEVALDIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

how can i contact rabbi twersky?????

THRU GUARD

needy,

heres the thing...hopefully youre here and this will work...hopefully 6 months from now youll be on the road to recovery...that is how this is supposed to work (not that it works the way its supposed to every time) so yes, i would say dont date while youre putting in your time here...you will be able to make such better decisions and have such better vision once youve put some sort of distance between the addiction and the recovery...being stuck in this addicition is like being gagged and bound on the floor...not the best shape to start a marathon, wouldnt you agree?...that being said, if a person is going through a prolonged period of time fighting this then i dont know if he or she should start dating...i mean, if this is taking many years to fix then i dont know if you should or should not put off dating that long...

GUARD RULES!
been there, done that!

Right now my plan is to get a nice streak where I feel under control and to start after that. I feel to some extent a relationship might help my situation.

A relationship can usually help this issue with "normal" people, but it doesn't help much with "addicts". It actually has the potential to do even more damage in our case. Why don't you send me a letter about yourself by e-mail, detailing your situation, how long you are clean for, what is your game plan for beating this, how old you are, why you think marriage is right for you, etc... and I can pass it on to Rabbi Twerski. I can't guarantee he'll answer, but he very well might.

G-d luck!

g'luck!!!!!!

I would add that your self esteem will likely be much greater when you've been sober for some time, and that can only help you in dating.

my personal opinion?
You need three things to find your zivug
a) right person
b) right time
c) right shaliach

so for me, that means that if Hashem wants it to happen it will.
I'm not saying no to suggestions
but obviously Hashem doesn't think I'm ready, because Mr. Right has not yet showed up.
and personally, i know that i seriously need to get this under control. and i don't think I'm ready yet.
So when I really am ready, Hashem is going to know. and He'll send my zivug.
make sense?
but then again, I'm a girl, and I'm no longer a teenager. So maybe this isn't right for a young bachur.
yeah, i'd probably stick with asking R' Twerski.