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saturday night control problem...
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.
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TOPIC: saturday night control problem... 1356 Views

saturday night control problem... 25 Jan 2009 15:43 #2313

  • ein yeush
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Hi everyone.

ok so my problem is this. i usually am able to get myself into a really good routine and hold out from masturbating and/or looking at pornography thru-out the week.
but then comes motzaei shabbos. theres just so much free time to do nothing that...well...you all know.

and i know people are going to say that i need to occupy myself with things but i've tried that and it works...but not always. i just feel like
there is this build up and build up until i cant control myself anymore..

im desperate here!! any advice on what to do i would greatly appreciate!!!
Last Edit: by .

Re: saturday night control problem... 25 Jan 2009 16:13 #2317

  • Binyomin5766
I know exactly what you are talking about.  I have fallen many times on motzaei Shabbos.  On the spiritual side, this is related to the departure of our "extra" soul at the close of Shabbos (which is why we do b'samin during havdalah).

You're right that keeping busy doesn't always work, but the fact is that from what you said it does sometimes work.  All you can do is keep trying.  I started getting more serious about beating this SA nearly three years ago.  I cannot count how many times I have fallen during this time.  Each success, though, is another step toward cleanliness.  Don't give up on keeping busy, but be selective about your activities.  This will take some time to figure out, but evaluate if any particular activities contribute to your being able to successfully fight the Y"H.  When you find at least one (but preferalby more), focus on doing those activities on motzaei Shabbos.  Obviously, if there is an activity that you find increases the possibility that you will fall, you should avoid that.

I don't know if you are married or not, but I go out on a "date" with my wife every motzaei Shabbos.  That time is about us.  We sit over coffee and talk or go out and browse a bookstore or some other activity that gives us time to be together.  I find that this is helpful for me.  If you have a mentor in this process, it may be a good idea to discuss this with him.  Busy-ness in and of itself is not enough; focused activity hopefully will accomplish more.
Last Edit: by 1day.

Re: saturday night control problem... 25 Jan 2009 16:25 #2319

  • Mevakesh Hashem
whether your "nisayon" time happens Motzei Shabbos or any other particular time, you will not pass the test unless you prepare in advance for it.

Whether its a date with your wife, a shiur or  going somewhere with friends, its up to YOU to make sure you are otherwise engaged at that time. Do not be alone and do not be bored at that time, as that's whatthe yetzer Hara is waiting for. Chazal said this centuries ago: "Batala Mavee L'iday Shimum". Chazal are NEVER wrong! Follow their advice.

Chazak V'Ematz!
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Re: saturday night control problem... 25 Jan 2009 20:56 #2338

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Hi,

I have personally struggled with Saturday night surfing and porn abuse as well.

I once heard an explanation regarding why motzei Shabbos seems to be such a restless time for everyone regardless of whether they have the urge to go out for pizza, go to the movies or surf the web. 

On Shabbos, we are given extra ordinary kochos that are rooted in the [/i]nishama yisayra[/i] of Shabbos.  Once Shabbos leaves, so does our nishama yisayra and the additional kochos ha'nefesh that are associated with it.  The void that a Jew experiences as a result of this histaklus is the reason for the unease and restlessness experience after Shabbos.

I personally have been downloading shiurim to my mp3 player and helping my wife clean up the whole house from Shabbos to keep myself busy

I think the bottom line is that we should try and set hard limits for ourselves regarding motzei Shabbos surfing.  If we can distract ourselves and utilize this void to do more productive things like cleaning up from Shabbos, making a new seder or going to a shiur, we will certainly be a lot better off.

I think the takeaway is, don't surf the web motzei Shabbos if this has traditionally been a time when you have been nichsul.

B'Hatzlacha
Last Edit: by baruchshomer.

Re: saturday night control problem... 25 Jan 2009 21:09 #2340

  • Shomer
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Just realized that Ben already pointed out the neshama yisayra aspect.

Sorry for the repetition, but I really feel that this is the emes.
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Re: saturday night control problem... 25 Jan 2009 21:13 #2341

  • ein yeush
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hey shomer and Ben and mevakesh hashem...thank you guys for the advice.
i found the idea of the neshama yeseira leaving and that being one of the reasons why its so difficult saturday nights to control onesself really illuminating.
i think that knowing the cause greatly helps to find the solution.
im going to try avoiding websurfing sat nites and listening to shiurim and the such....
be'zerat hashem it'll work!

thank you guys!
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Re: saturday night control problem... 25 Jan 2009 21:17 #2342

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Actually, funny as it is, I am usually very weak on Saturdays too  ??? Is Saturday the same for gentiles as it is for Jews, or is it just like any other day? If it is like any other, I guess I have to review how I spend my time on Saturdays :D

Luckily I spent my whole yesterday far away from my computer!  8)
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Re: saturday night control problem... 25 Jan 2009 22:38 #2355

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Someone, maybe you have a Jewish soul 

For some idea on healthy activities to keep busy, see the Kosher Isle. Particularly this page.
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: by JewinTraining.

Re: saturday night control problem... 25 Jan 2009 22:51 #2357

  • Binyomin5766
Hi Someone,

As one who has been on both sides (I am a convert), I can say that for many gentiles Saturday is different from weekdays simply because it is not a workday.  Let's say for the sake of argument, that you work Monday through Friday and have Saturday and Sunday off.  The end result is that your struggle on those days differs from you struggle on work days.

That said, I will go out on a bit of a limb here.  While Saturday (Shabbos) is significantly different for Jews, it is possible that it might be different for gentiles as well.  I don't know any writings on this topic, but I would imagine that there is something, somewhere.  There are two things specifically remembered on Shabbos: the Creation of the World and the Exodus from Egypt.  While the Exodus is obviously not so relevent to Gentiles, the creation of the world is in fact quite relevent.  I am no expert in the noachide laws, but I would suspect thate there is some effect that Shabbos has on Gentiles.

One thing to remember though, I have read that in the Jewish world there are different levels of sensitivity to the holiness of Shabbos.  I would suspect that the same would be true for Gentiles as well, so you may be more aware than other Gentiles you know.  In short, some people may not "get" what you're talking about.
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Re: saturday night control problem... 25 Jan 2009 23:16 #2361

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The holy Sefarim write, that just as there was a creation of the physical world, Yetzias Mitzrayim was the creation of the "spiritual world", where G-d showed all that he is king, and that he took the Jews out of the bondage to the Egyptians and brought them to be his servants instead. And aren't we all struggling to leave Mitzrayim symbolically? 
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: by OY VEY.

Re: saturday night control problem... 26 Jan 2009 13:56 #2376

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ok so my problem is this. i usually am able to get myself into a really good routine and hold out from masturbating and/or looking at pornography thru-out the week.
but then comes motzaei shabbos. theres just so much free time to do nothing that...well...you all know.

and i know people are going to say that i need to occupy myself with things but i've tried that and it works...but not always. i just feel like
there is this build up and build up until i cant control myself anymore..

im desperate here!! any advice on what to do i would greatly appreciate!!!


get a sponsor who you can call anytime, and call him when you feel the urge coming on.put your head between your knees, and brace yourself.bite into a sponge, go into a room where noone will hear you and scream your head off.hit your bed with a tennis racket.take a hammer and bang nails into some wood.i assure you, the urge will pass.
even better, meditate, slow down your thinking, concentrate on your breath.the urge will pass.but it'll be back, i assure you. do one or all of these things every time you have the urge. i am extremely serious. scream at your sponsor, tell him you dont hate him first, though.you have to get rid of the urge somehow, in a permissible manner.i used to get rid of it by masturbating.then i found the forum, and with it, elya.i wonder if his ear is still working after all the things i've said to him...seriously, try these things.

(i dont know how to do one of those thingies where you quote someone). jack


Last Edit: 26 Jan 2009 14:12 by shmuel.gye.

Re: saturday night control problem... 26 Jan 2009 14:14 #2377

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Great reply Jack!!!

To quote, here's how to do it:
- you copy the text you want to quote,
- you paste it into your reply,
- you select it,
- you press the "Insert Quote" button on the second row of tools, second from the right.
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: by needtochange.

Re: saturday night control problem... 26 Jan 2009 17:52 #2407

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guardureyes wrote on 25 Jan 2009 22:38:

Someone, maybe you have a Jewish soul 


Wouldn't be bad at all would it

Ben wrote on 25 Jan 2009 22:51:

As one who has been on both sides (I am a convert), I can say that for many gentiles Saturday is different from weekdays simply because it is not a workday.  Let's say for the sake of argument, that you work Monday through Friday and have Saturday and Sunday off.  The end result is that your struggle on those days differs from you struggle on work days.

That said, I will go out on a bit of a limb here.  While Saturday (Shabbos) is significantly different for Jews, it is possible that it might be different for gentiles as well.  I don't know any writings on this topic, but I would imagine that there is something, somewhere.  There are two things specifically remembered on Shabbos: the Creation of the World and the Exodus from Egypt.  While the Exodus is obviously not so relevent to Gentiles, the creation of the world is in fact quite relevent.  I am no expert in the noachide laws, but I would suspect thate there is some effect that Shabbos has on Gentiles.


Thx ben, these are some intresting points!  I also thought through the week-end phenomena in general, but (without keeping statistics), I would assume that I have fallen more often on Saturdays than on Sundays....Might have to do with the fact that it is the first day of the week-end though.

/JG
Last Edit: by mmmm.
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