Hello out there!

In my skirmishes with the YH, I've been looking for tools to help. I came across the taphsic method a while back and at first I didn't think it was for me because I had made nedarim in the past and had unfortanently broken them.

However, after more research, i saw how taphsic isnt just saying i wont masturbate, rather it makes doing it more tangibly (if thats a word) painful.

So I would like to give it a try but i would like some advice on the one i plan on using to see if its good or not. Here it is:

"Ani Nishba, beshaim Ad---- that for the next week,
If I have a fall, which is defined by one of the following things: 
(a) I intentionally motzi zera livatala (masturbate) or touch myself sexually for a length of time that gets me close to ejaculation while fully awake 
or 
(b) I intentionally obtain in any way adult sexual material of any sort, digital or printed (including magazines, DVDs, etc.)
or 
(c) I intentionally go to any websites or web pages, pictures, videos, chats or forums, for the purpose of viewing adult sexual content (including any type of adult oriented images, drawings, videos, audio, or erotic reading material) and I actually viewed or listened to inappropriate content

Then, if I say 5 perakim of tehillim AND learn 5 minutes of mussar AND learn 2 new mishnayos (not part of a seder)
within the 60 minutes preceding my fall
then within 24 hours, I will donate 25$ to tzedaka.

If I did not do any of these things in the 60 minutes preceding my fall, then within the next 24 hours I will say tehillim for an hour and give 100$ to tzedaka. (unless i am unable to acquire the money needed for tzedaka in which case it will be done as soon as possible)"

What do you guys think? Too weak? Too strong? (coming from a guy who had broken 75$ nedarim before) (im a young guy with little or no income so this kind of money is a lot to me)
Any advice would be highly appreciated.

The genius of the taphsic is it's ability to stop you from actually falling.Make sure that the things you have to do before falling will actually keep you from falling.That's the ikkur.

So if you don't think that the learning will stop you (or give you enough time for the ruach shtus to leave) then maybe you can put in that you'll do exercise for a half hour etc.

Another thing, for yeshiva bachurim money might not be the right deterrent, we don't earn it, we don't have the right value for it, and we don't have enough of it (which might make us just break it.You did add to the money which can help but you might want to think about switching it with something else (I believe the taphsic page has some ideas)

Whatever it is, good job on taking steps to help yourself and I wish you a lot of hatzlacha.

Like Inna mentioned, the idea is prevention, that you should not even make it to the point where you are debating "Should I fall? Is it worth breaking my Shevua?" You want to put up barriers so that you don't even have a הוא אמינא of falling.

To that end, maybe you should consider posting on the forum on a steady, consistant basis, whether you are having a good day or not.

I once posed a similar question on the forum here and got mixed reviews about taphsic. Some people told me they broke their shvuos, and some people told me they invented other kabbalos/nedarim in the spirit of taphsic but not taphsic itself. Nobody told me mefurash, "I made a taphsic, and this is how i structured it, and it has helped me overcome my nisyonos." Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that it cannot work, I am saying that I have not heard any direct, first-hand evidence that it has been a lifesaver.

L'maaseh, I never ended up making any nedarim, but I have found that since I decided to become a "regular" on the forum, the yetzer doesn't bother me so much. But that's just my own experience, you may be different. Perhaps I am not "as addicted" as some of the other people here (whatever that means).

Hatzlacha, and let us know what you decide to do.

For someone at a very low level of addiction or habit I can see it working.I think it would've worked for me if I hadn't of had a habit for over 10 years.

I have to disagree with you though, the ikkur of the taphsic (not the battle, which you're right about) is that you can give in to the yetzer and say that you'll fall but you're forced to take a lot more time to do it and by the time you can fall then hopefully you'll be in a better state of mind.

This would only work if, besides in the time of actual struggle one has a strong negative feeling towards it and also if the person is at a ow lever of addiction/habit to begin with.

I think that posting regularly might be a double edged sword sometimes.It can keep a person involved with the issue when he can just stop thinking about it which is a much better idea.The problem is that as always a person has to be honest with himself and if he doesn't post but keeps falling then he's just being silly and isn't posting because he doesn't really want to stop.

L'maysah the best tool is prevention as you said, so the taphsic should probably not be the only thing anyone does.

That was longer than intended...

thanx for responding.

inastruggle,

i think i meet the criteria you mentioned. ive only had these problems for 5 years unlike the 20 year veterans, and i definitely have a negative attitude towards it. your definition of taphsic is pretty much what id use it for because at this point in my battle, (I've done a lot on my own) i just need a bigger tangible deterrent to stop me.

To tryingtoshteig,

Posting daily isnt really possible for me because ill be going to yeshiva soon without internet access. ( )

regarding the taphsic, i would use it as a barrier. not to prevent a hava ameena of falling but rather to prevent acting on the impulse.

If you have any other ideas about removing the actual hava amina please share it!

(hava amina
hava ameena
whatever, i dont hav hebrew)

I think the most important part is to get rid of the hava amina, this doesn't mean the first thought or trigger which is out of our control many times.This means the second after we realize that we're thinking something improper, be it a fantasy or hava amina to act out.

I use the blow it up method to stop it, but there are other ways including and not limited to surrendering the lust to Hashem.

Blow it up method can be found here:
guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/102639-Blow-it-up

Hatzlacha

Again, I am not trying to knock the taphsic method, I think that inastruggle and I are inagreement that the taphsic method is kind of a "last resort" if you already are on the verge of acting out to stop yourself. But you do need other strategies to make sure that you don't get to that point. I think you understand this already.

You are certainly welcome to try the blow it up method, some people seem to do well with it. You can also surrender your lust to Hashem when a thought comes into your head. You can read about that

Another method for dealing with triggering sights that you might will encounter on the street is the three second rule. There was a chizuk email dated 5/21/13 that talks about this.


שוב ראיתי, והנה באמת, הכלל של ג' השניות מקרא מלא הוא בהאנדבוק ד-ג.י.א.,עיין שם

You said that you will not be able to stay in touch with us on the forum while you are away in Yeshiva. We will miss you. However, it is still good to have a safe person who understandss what you are going through and will not judge you for it, but will be there for you to listen to your stuggles and help you along. This could be a rebbe or a good friend.

Hatzlacha!