I AM REPLYING TO BOCHUR

TZADIKKLE I NEED TO BE "MASBIR" SOMETHING THAT TOOK ME TIME TO REALIZE

TIME MEANS THE 25 YEARS I AM FIGHTING THE YH (I AM 37)

TAYVA IN ESSENCE MAKES NO SENSE

THE WHOLE THING IS THAT IT MAKES NO SENSE

IF YOU FOLLOW MY POSTS
YOU WILL SEE I USUALLY SIMPLIFY THINGS

TZADDIK I PROMISE YOU THIS WHOLE "SHAKLA VITARYA"

IS A CHELEK OF ATZAS HAYTETZER

I PROMISE YOU I STRUGGLED WITH JOHNS WIFE

I WONDERED HOW JOHN (WHO WAS LEARNING IN YESHIVAH) LET MS JOHN OUT OF THE HOUSE

OH OF COURSE I WANTED NOTHING TO DO WITH HER (COUGHH HIC..)

ONLY WONDER WHY SHE ACTED THIS WAY WHAT PROMPTED HER? ETC...

DO HER PARENTS KNOW HOW SHE DRESSES ETC?

DOES SHE PICK UP HER KIDS FOM SCHOOL LIKE THAT TOO?

MEANWHILE... MY YH IS CONVINCING ME HEY BARDS YOU ARE A TZADDIK

YES MY YH SAYS YOU ARE A TZADDIK ALMOST LIKE YOSEF HATZADDIK

HELLO BOCHUR28 WHAT SHOULD I TELL YOU I ALMOST ENDED UP IN GEHENNOM!!!!

BRECHH VOMIT THROWUP EKKKEL BUSHA VICHARPA!!!

YES ME AN UPSTANDING BEN TORAH MARBITS TORAH ASKIN PAR EXCELLANCE
FATHER HUSBAND SON TALMID OF THE BIGGEST ROSHEI YESHIVA

I WAS AT THE DOOR OF GEHHNOM!!

ONLY GOT THERE BY BEING "CURIOUS"

TZADDIK I KNOW IT SOUND TOO SIMPLE

HARRYS -JOHNS-YIZTZIES-YOELIS-SAADYAS-USHIR ZELIGS- ETC..

IS NOT A TRIGGER

NO MATTER HOW OR WHY SHE DRESSES

SHE IS NOT SHAYACH TO YOU!!!!!

SHE HAS AS MUCH SHAYCHUS TOO YOU AS THE MONA LISA

YOU ARE YOUR OWN TRIGGER (AND I AM MY OWN TRIGGER)

WHEN YOU ARE HOLDING 'SHTARK" YOU FEEL EKKEL

I CAN GO ON AND ON

TZADDIK BOTTOM LINE

I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR MY ACTIONS AND RE-ACTIONS

SO SHE IS WEARING BOOTS IN JULY

OR EARINGS THAT "BLITCHKKE"

YES HER MAKE UP AND PERFUM MAKE ME WILD TOO!

BUT YHAT IS HER BUSINESS

FUGGEDABOUDIT!!!!!

YOUR REACTIONS ARE YOUR BUSINESS

OK YOU LOOKED SHOIN!! NU NU!!!

MOVE ON!!

KEEP ON TRUCKIN!!!

HABAAH LITA-HER MISAYIN OSO!!

bardichev
















'

there is a reason why I do not like going to PTA's

John's wife seems to have kids of all ages and is on every single line.

strong perfume smell permeating the holy halls.

wafting past the pictures of the gedolim that are across both walls

so I bring a sefer along, and bring my wife along too, to tell me when the coast is clear.

then I ask mrs yechida to let me stay home next time.

so far,request has been denied

HELLO ALL WE CAN TALK ABOUT POOR MS JOHN ALL DAY

LETS MAKE 2 CONCLUSIONS

1 TALKING ABOUT HER IN A BLAME-GAME WAY IT ONLY HAS A EQUAL AND OPPOSITE REACTION

2 SHE MAY BE A PROBLEM BUT SHE IS NOT "YOUR" PROBLEM!!

YESSS HELIGEH YECHIDAH A GOOD WIFE IS THE BEST SHEMIRAH!

BARDICHEVER

THE YARTZEIT OF THE KEDUSHAS LEVI TODAY

MAY YOUR NESHOMAH SHINE BRIGHT WITH HIS WARMTH AND LIGHT

ESPECIALLY HERE AT GYE 

torah from a punk rocker (on Harry's wife):

strange things going on this week in the parasha in the story of the forbidden fruit....for one, why did Gd meet-out such a cruel punishment against Adam and Chava, after all, all they did was lust..ok, a sin, but hey, isnt an enternal curse a bit draconian?...next, how does the punishment address the crime? where is the middah keneged middah correlation? finally, why does the torah, which picks and chooses its words crefully, go into the whole back and forth between Gd and Adam and Chava? Why doesnt the Torah simply say, "and Gd saw what they did and he punished them as follows..."..quite frankly, pesukim 11-13 are entirely superfluous when it says:

יא וַיֹּאמֶר--מִי הִגִּיד לְךָ, כִּי עֵירֹם אָתָּה; הֲמִן-הָעֵץ, אֲשֶׁר צִוִּיתִיךָ לְבִלְתִּי אֲכָל-מִמֶּנּוּ--אָכָלְתָּ.  יב וַיֹּאמֶר, הָאָדָם:  הָאִשָּׁה אֲשֶׁר נָתַתָּה עִמָּדִי, הִוא נָתְנָה-לִּי מִן-הָעֵץ וָאֹכֵל.  יג וַיֹּאמֶר יְהוָה אֱלֹהִים לָאִשָּׁה, מַה-זֹּאת עָשִׂית; וַתֹּאמֶר, הָאִשָּׁה, הַנָּחָשׁ הִשִּׁיאַנִי, וָאֹכֵל

So whats going on here? The answer (maybe) is that Gd was most upset with Adam and Chava for their answers in pesukim 11-13...they failed to take responsibility for their falling in lust instead choosing to peg it on someone else...Adam showed both a failure to take responsibility and a total lack of hakarat hatov when he said, " הָאִשָּׁה אֲשֶׁר נָתַתָּה עִמָּדִי, הִוא נָתְנָה-לִּי מִן-הָעֵץ וָאֹכֵל" and that is why he was punished in Chava's punishment...when Gd punished Chava he said, "אֶל-הָאִשָּׁה אָמַר, ... וְהוּא, יִמְשָׁל-בָּךְ" this was a punishment for Adam...you claim you have no control because she controls you...ok, Adam, from now and for all of eternity you will control her, now lets see if you are able to control your lust any better?" It is a lesson to Adam to not blame Chava (or adam's wife) for his failings...to Chava, who also punted and failed to take responsibility for her fall he says, "וְאֵיבָה אָשִׁית, בֵּינְךָ וּבֵין הָאִשָּׁה, וּבֵין זַרְעֲךָ, וּבֵין זַרְעָהּ:  הוּא יְשׁוּפְךָ רֹאשׁ" He tells CHAVA, "ok, you claim you couldnt say no to the snake, ok, from now on you will never again be able to say YES to the snake, you will hate each other, now lets see if you can control your lust any better...'

The lesson is: take reposnibility and dont point your fingers at others....the failings are in you and all Gd wants is for us to recognize our failngs and work on it...not to point fingers...and had Adam and Chava, after lusting, simply said, "Chatati, Aviti, Pashati, (let me go work the 12 steps)" none of this would have happened...the punishment would not have been so severe....

or not...

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!! (IN YIDDISH GEVALDIGGGGGGGGGGGGG)

Habib

This is part of the problem, not explaining to the girls the severity of such things.

Kedushas eynaim is a subject by the boys and it's a pity they do not emphasis it to the girls :'(

oh, some teachers did try to explain.
but i was one of the few who actually got it.
when a 65 year old rebbetzin gets in front of a group of girls and says
"girls, you don't know how hard it is for the men. mamesh, it's alsomst sakanas nefashos for them to walk outside..."
most girls just stop listening.
and i think 'if only they knew how right she is'

bardichev wrote on 13 Oct 2009 15:32:


Aye Caramba, b!! Thank-you b and y'yasher kochacho!! ...can't imagine this huge yesod said any better! May Hashem help me remember it!

HERE IS BARDS OVERSIMPLIFIED OPINION

GIRLS "NEED" WELL DRESSED AND I WOULD EVEN DARE SAY ATTRACTIVE TEACHERS

HEY WHAT ARE WE COMPETING WITH ....

TEACHERS THAT ARE WELL DRESSED AND DONT LOOK NEBBY

CAN BE A ROLE MODEL (EMPHASIS ON ROLE)

THE PROBLEM WITH "TEACHING" TZNIUS IS IT ENVOLVES HALACHA

AND A 'GEFEEL" THAT NEED TO COME WITH WARMTH CARE AND UNDERSTANDING

MOARH WAS NOT WRONG SHE JUST DIDNT EXPLAIN IT WELL

bards

dov wrote on 13 Oct 2009 16:13:


THANKS REBBERBER=DOV

My daughters are growing up and I am trying (as our friends name here) to get it in their bones. It is hard but...don't they teach them the halachos of yichud?
If they do than it is a good opportunity to glide over to the next topic and if they don't ...:-\

Youch! Wow! Touched a few raw nerves - and that's really what it is. Let me explain -

We're all addicts. And that means we have a lot of raw emotions. But I think all of us - men and women - should be non-judgmental - heck, isn't that what GYE is all about ( hmmm... an oxymoron - am I judging people about being judgmental? )?

Let's look at the non-addict world, dear friends.

Men - someone who was zocheh not to go through these nisayonos - remember, Ever Katan Yesh L'Adam - has a lower threshhold of sensitivity; B"H I can see it myself in these early stages of recovery, and when I was in the throes in my addiction I was angry at every female who didn't look like an overweight wicked witch of the west. Then I realized a few things-

Regarding frum women who truly dressed to kill (beyond the line, according to everybody)-

Why wasn't I as mad at someone, who say, lied and stole and wore a frock. Why wasn't I as mad when the monsey meat scandal came out? Is that less hypocritical?

Two reasons -

A) I was the victim of it.
Tension turns into aggression.

But it didn't have much to with religious fervor. Just that I was on the receiving end of it. True, I have my own obligations, and for them I must answer for and not theirs - but still, we all agree that they made these nisayonos harder.

Also, as the girls pointed out, there is a real, real, female desire to be desired, end of story. Just as strong, and as overpowering as the male desire - just in a different way. Of course, girls have an obligation of modesty - and we also have an obligation. To say one nisayon is easier then the other is ridiculous. They express themselves differently.

And many, many girls struggle with where the line is; and the urge to look good is overpowering; there is no obligation to look frumpy. Some girls and communities dump fashion and makeup; but certainly none can demand girls do that - and I know I would have chance at recovery if my wife did. What is tzinius? The details are endless, and frankly, no sefer can cover it because of the ever changing nature of women's bodies, social fashions and male desire ( Don't even get me started on Oz V'Hadar Levusha) .
That's why tzinius is an sense of self, and a sense of self-esteem and intrinsic desirablitiy, and that is a constant nisayon to maintain from the latest fashions to that outfit that fit last week and anyways I'm going to lose those five pounds and nobody notices anyway and everything else I have is covered in baby spit...yada yada yada. It's oh so very real.

That's why you have a fine girl, who is a genuine Yareh Shamayim, who struggles with tzinius - JUST LIKE US! JUST LIKE US!

And we create it. The more we lust, the more we demand in shidduchim, the more girls feel the desperate pressure "to get noticed" that looks is the key to shadchanim and dates and the chuppah. And afterwards, as well. And add the peer pressure - it's a tremendous nisayon! Throw in an entire culture that worships the body - come on, are we being fair? Yes, it's still an obligation - but definetely a difficult nisayon.

Often married girls dress far more proactively then their single friends - often because of failed marriage, and a desperate need to be noticed be their husband - for a woman that is the equivalent of a slow death (unfortunately, sometimes this happens to attractive girls because they overdid it before, got married without him seeing anything on the inside, and are now left with just the outside, and a relationship can run on just that - John Grey in Mars & Venus on a Date writes about this). And she will do whatever she can to get some feeling of his attention - to heck with other men - or even some validation from other men - see hubby! I am desirable! See!

And again, girls are not obligated to be frumpy because we have no self-control. And I mean us. A woman shouldn't wear something that will draw the male eye, but that means the normal male eye. Because we've given ourselves - we addicts -  super sensitivity does not mean that women need to dress like potatoes. Adrabeh - many a marriage has hit a brickwall because of potatoism. Some have ended up here. And anti-potatoism is often part (NOT all) of the solution.

A Bas Yisrael is allowed to - and should -  look dignified, attractive but not enticing - see R'Moshe Sternbuchs' Toras HaBayis when he recommends that women wear sheitalach for this reason. Respectability. Not looking like you're wandering around in your pajamas.

But a toast to the tzanuos! A toast to those who leave that skirt on the rack , in their closet, - a toast to all those who bite their lips as the men look at her friend and not her. true, a genuine prutzah shares the onesh. Shouldn't a tznuah share the schar? Indeed, Rebbetzin Heller writes of Baaley Teshuvah who complained to her "that they lost their power" when they started dressing in accordance with the Torah (Our Bodies, Our Souls - a great read for the right perspective on all of this) - and she writes how healthy it is, and how she girls develop their "true power' which is so much deeper - and powerful (and not incidentally, the true glue of a marriage). For those who do - thank you, Bnos Yisrael.

And as far as those who don't - Rabbasoi, our obligation is our obligation, and I believe that collectively we've brought much of this upon ourselves, and after some time of self-control things get less attractive, and that many are trying to heal their own feelings of emptiness and lack - in or out of a marriage. May Hashem heal then all, and us as well.
---------------------------------

The unwritten rule these days in Kiruv seminaries (krovim and recokim) is that teachers must be attractive. What a world, what a world...

HELLO TEACH BY EXAMPLE

POINT OUT WHAT YOU DO

I SAY TATTY IS LEAVING NOW BEACUSE I CAN'T STAY HOME WITH THE "GOYTA"(MAID ,OZERET)

BUT WITH A DERHOIBINKITE NOT WITH COLDNESS AND STRICTNESS

BRING THE "ATTA BICHARTANU  MIKOL HA-AMIM

YES YES MAKE "CHOIZIK'OF HANNAH MONTANA AND BRITNEY SPEARS (YM"SH I DONT SAY THAT LIGHTLY RABBIM CHALLAILM HIPILAH YIMACH SHEMAH GEHONNOM  IS NOT DEEP ENOUGH FOR THESE SICKOS THAT THE WORLD WORSHIPS)

Hi chavers...OK, time for a nice niggun break.

yumbumbumbimbumbumbuimbimbayayayayayayayayayayayayayay....yumbumbimbumbimmmmmmmmmmmmm.

OK, now get back to it.