I started on gye about a month ago peasach time sonce then ive been great untill this shabos i ws about to shower and all of a suden it hit me and i couldnt hold back.

For like 5 minutes i sat there pleasuring my my self till i finall stoped.

I was feeling so good about stopping and now this happened. Does this mean that whole month is down the drain?
Did i gain anything at all this past month?

I feell like all this effort went down the drain.

Will i ever be able to tottally break free.

Hi there,

when you say ''pleasuring myself till i stopped,'' does that mean you weren't even motzi zerah? Cos if you weren't then I would not even call that a fall.

In any case my response to you is the same: YOU ARE AMAZING! You managed to stay clean for over a month on your first try. That is amazing. You shouldn't be upset at the fall, you should be extremely happy that you did so well, it's incredible.

Of course you haven't lost any progress. If you get up right away and try again you will be changing that part of your brain that says you need to do this aveiroh. If you keep on trying then eventually that part of your brain will leave you alone completely.

As R' Chaim Shmulevitz writes, more than the yetzer horah wants us to do the aveiroh, he wants us feel the despair after the aveiroh.

Just be very careful over the next few days to avoid the 'chaser affect,' (it's easier to fall after a slip) and you'll be fine.

Seriously, 30 days on your first attempt?! I can't get over how amazing that is.

I have been recover for over a year and couldn't make it to 30 days yet, how did you do it? You must be amazing!

Nothing can destroy that 30 days, its a kodesh kodashim you built and nothing will destroy it, you need to start your days again but you did not loose your days. (That's a paradox)

Keep up the good work!

I recently had a fall that lasted a few weeks. I have gotten back up and am back to day 10.

The important thing is don't let it go to waste. Why did you fall? What were the surrounding environment and attitudes that led you to fall? What kind of things should you avoid/do in the future to keep from getting to that point? In the last 10 days since I have gotten back up, that has been my thinking.

You fell that sucks, the least you can do is learn from it.

Good Luck
Eli