I'm gonna be writing my personal diary here online. I'm pretty much new to this whole thing so please help me out and comment and stuff:

Sunday 30 Shevat 5773
Dear Yetzer Tov,
I’m going to start writing hopefully every night or every other night regarding my daily struggles with shemiras einayim and the like. Today was probably the worst o far with regards to that because yes after 26 days of clean I ended up falling through. This is my first time reaching such a high number so this is pretty painful. Unfortunately even though the GYE emails like to suggest that I never lose the days I was clean let’s face it – I pretty much feel like Ire back to square one.
Maybe writing will help as ill be weighing the ups and downs and just being downright honest with myself. Talking of being honest lets realize a few things.
1. I haven’t kept clean for more than 26 days in the last 2 years.
2. Every time I feel ‘secure’ that I won’t fall again something big happens
3. I have an open ipod touch that can get I pretty much anywhere and it isn’t shayach right now to restrict it
4. When I take on a solid shevuah it usually works – although not a shevuah forever
5. Thinking about every Jewish thing in the book will not stop me when ‘lust strikes’
6. GYE is right. I do usually want to view inappropriate material when I’m feeling down / stressed.
That should be it for now with the reality stuff. Now how about some solutions:
1. Make myself a set schedule for the day and do not change that routine PERIOD.
2. Make more chavrusos – that will encourage the commitment for my new schedule
3. Do more exercise it will get me feeling fit and ready to face the world
4. Volunteer somewhere new in my spare time
5. Reveal to my rabbi this problem and ask for his help
6. Cut internet out of the house. If I need it i'll go to the library. That’s a public place and will be harder to do something wrong

Dear Yetzer Harah,

WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PICK ON US POOR GUYS? We can keep clean for a day, two days, a week, a month, or even longer stretches of time and then when we have a fall which usually takes JUST A FEW MEASLY MINUTES, you make us feel ROTTEN! Then you somehow get us to think, that because you got us to let down our guards in that instance, that all the clean hours, days and months that we accumulated before then was absolutely WORTHLESS and didn't count for ANYTHING!! You make us feel so STUPID and INCOMPETENT and then you KICK US IN THE HEAD WHILE WE'RE DOWN and tell us to go ahead, do something that will make us feel better.....

WELL, GUESS WHAT!! We're tired of your stupid TRICKS! We KNOW that when we do the right thing and stay away from your GARBAGE, we feel good, REALLY GOOD! We're proud of ourselves for ACCOMPLISHING what seems to be SO difficult to accomplish! When we fall, it's a MOMENTARY lapse of judgement and takes NOTHING away from what we accomplished before then.

WE WILL NOT LET YOU KICK US FURTHER AND FURTHER DOWN UNTIL WE FEEL WE CAN'T GET UP ANYMORE! WE WILL GET BACK UP IMMEDIATELY, CLEAN OFF THE SHMUTZ AND CONTINUE TO FIGHT YOU!

You have tried so many times in the past to beat us and make us ashamed of who we are. WELL, WE'RE ONTO YOU! We know how you operate and we're not falling for it! We will maintain our happiness and stick our tongues out at you as we continue to show you who is stronger. No more being depressed for us for a momentary lapse of judgment! Being upbeat and aware of what we TRULY ACCOMPLISHED is THE weapon to beat you.

WATCH OUT!

I hope you got the reason for my whole letter there.

Getting you to be all down and out because of your fall is precisely how the yetzer harah operates. Another way he operates, as you wrote in your list, is to make you feel secure, that you finally beat it. Unfortunately, I know this from experience.

Be proud of what you accomplished, feel great about every hour, day and month that you manage to do the right thing. And REMEMBER that great feeling when the yetzer harah tries to tempt you. Tell him that you don't need his garbage, you feel good without it, precisely BECAUSE you're without it!

Don't become complacent. Don't tell yourself that you've been so good for so long without it that you must be cured. And don't do what I've done and test yourself to prove that you're over it. You don't need to prove it. Just be glad you made it so far and tell yourself that you will continue to stay away from all of that stuff.

Hatzlacha!

Monday 1 Adar 5773
Ok like a little bud poking its nose in again avoda starts. Ha! Today I walked up to random guy who punched in the restrictions code on my ipod touch so basically the only way I can take them off is by formatting the ipod to factory settings. In actuality it doesn’t solve the problem because my ipod is jail broken so I can pretty much download what I want. Will have to rely a little on my Yiras Shomayim and since it takes a long time to download stuff I might be able to control myself when lust strikes.
Just installed my Venishmatem filter on my computer which is so flipping annoying because I can’t access stuff I NEED like Google search which I use for practically everything (kosher stuff obviously). Yeah, I know you can request a lower level – I’m waiting for that. Besides for that it’s pretty good. If I need Facebook in order to update my inspiration page I’ll have to access internet somewhere else. Besides for that it pretty much lets me do what I want (well what my Yetzer Tov wants  ).
What would I do without GYE? I wouldn’t have known where to start. I probably would never have known I had a clinical problem and would never try and change it. Thanks to GYE I know where I am headed and there's 90 days to reach for (as a start) and loads of stuff to get me going. Not really that involved at the moment in conferences and the like – hopefully I’ll be fine with just the emails although until now it seems it hasn’t been working. Let’s make this the last stretch. Next time I fall I’m joining bli neder full time to a phone conference and start working on this seriously because if I fall again in the ninety days I’m up a stage in the GYE handbook of ‘if none of these suggestions worked then try phone conferences’ lol. That’s life, I gotta be real with myself or else I’m never gonna truly live my life as a real person!
Good night!