Hi Dmaot
I know exactly what you feel like.. Specially after being clean for a month the guilt feeling is so unbearable.
You wrote "Please give me practical advices what should i do" The truth is that you know the answer better than anyone else. Even though others can give suggestions but ultimately its you that knows what hashem wants from you. Let me just add:
Regarding getting close to hashem: Don't take any drastic measures. Those are the ones that usually collapse and sometimes even backfire. Take upon yourself something very small. Something that will last. (ex. to bensh or say krias shma every night from a siddur) The main thing is that its something you will be able to do with ease. The permanent things are the ones that really will elevate us! Davening 3 times a day is a great idea - i don't want this preventing you from it. But make sure to to have the unshakable small things - that's what hashem wants from you (and all of us)!! The small kabbolos are the seeds you plant, you will see them grow!!
(Tip: Make 3 of the these small kabbolos yearly an d write them down!!)
Baalei mussar say: Small people think big, big people think small. You make hashem happy by not giving up. You just have to make sure to make a realistic plan!!
But regarding our eyes: We MUST take drastic measures!!! Because even if we are close to hashem, lust is such a great temptation, that the greatest rabanim (even in times of the talmud) didn't trust themselves. At the time of an urge, all closeness to hashem seems to fade away. It doesn't prevent us from acting out. This is a fact. The only weapons against p*rn Ive successfully used are: Filters and TAphsik. Prepare yourself now for the next attack..
May your Dmaot, from now on, only come from happiness!
