One thing that I find odd as I start this journey is that I have to "hide" my GYE activities as much as I had to hide my addiction from those closest to me.  Prior to finding this site I was using my computer and mobile device for inappropriate actions and was of course was hiding it for very good reasons.  Now I am using my computer and mobile device for good reasons, to to teshuvah and to improve my relationship with Hashem, yet I still find that I am in "hiding".  I am not sure that others have had the same experience.  While I am thrilled to be somewhat in control of my actions for the first time in years, I am embarrassed to be seen on the web site or to have anyone seen the GYE publications that I have printed out.  I wonder how others have dealt with this and what advice the community can offer.

Thanks

SC

What follows has helped me very much in this are especially as it relates to my wife:

I've shared with her the Talmudic stories about the sages who didn't trust themselves when it came to the temptation of the flesh and some almost succumbed. Especially the story of Reb Amram chasida found in the Talmud kiddushin 81. It is now that I'm not embarrassed to say that I'm "only human" and don't trust myself.

I haven't shared with her the "gory and sad" details of all my past falls, (could be she knows, as they say the wife always knows ) that wouldn't be fair to her and at this point counterproductive.

So in short, GYE is "just" a site for chizuk and encouragement for what is turning our to be the "test" of our generation! No need to advertise our participation and membership (as the Psalmist says "fortunate is he who covers up his sins") but no need to be paranoid about deleting the history either

Much love

Noorah

there is a thread here in break free called telling the wife....read it...i too am putting the tools of the trade to use to hide gye...in a way i feel like it may actually may things easier because of the continuity from old life to new life....

stevec613,

Ditto for me on what Rav Noorah just wrote.

Noorah,

you have no idea how much you are Mechazake me when you give Chizuk to others. Your care and sincerity shines forth so much.

And stevec613,

don't feel guilty for not wanting other people to know you're on this site. That's o.k. In the Kodshei Kodshim, no-one else is allowed in except the Kohen Gadol. The most Heliegeh things are covered. We always cover the Sefer Torah when not in use because of its Kedusha. You're doing the right thing by coming to this site and trying to get chizuk. It's o.k not to want the whole world to see. Don't feel guilty at all.

Chazak VeEmatz!

Nishmas

I remember a couple months ago, a friend of mine borrowed my computer to make a flyer for some Shabbos event. Of course, when she went to find a generic image of challah and wine, my filter blocked the image search. She was perplexed, and I was totally embarrassed, but I just said that all frum men should have filters on their internet. And when I said that, I discovered that I really believe it. I really believe that a good internet filter is just as important to using the internet as a good browser.

If someone were to find all my activity on GYE, well, I'm not really sure what I would do. So, yeah, I do cover it up from people around me.

I hide it 2. just in case....
mayim genuvim yimtakoo

Hi Steve,

I used to be ultra scared of someone, specifically my wife, finding about my GYE activities.

I was lucky enough to have her find out about my addiction after I entered a 12 step SA fellowship and now I am able to use the GYE freely and openly.

If you are able to overcome your self-destructive behaviors through GYE alone and still have to hide, so be it.  Getting better is the ikkur and if things are not perfect, well things never really are (or at least that is how they appear to us).

If, however, GYE alone is not enough, you may be well advised to take more drastic actions in your recovery.

Before doing so, however, consult w/ Rabbenu Guard or a more qualified member of these forums or someone else you trust.

Thanks for posting and good luck!

Bother me too
Nuff said.