I'm making an exception to one of my addictions--the computer.  I'm using it on an off day.

I've been doing well with guarding my eyes.  I've been trying hard not to look at women on the street.  I've been clean from mas***, and from looking at indecent images.

In addition, I have been trying not to waste time on the computer.  I'm trying to be more available for my wife and children at home.

I've started to feel overwhelmed, though.  I generally feel aches all over, but now I feel like I can barely move.  And I feel SO exhausted.

No doubt, slichos could have something to do with it.  But I don't ever remember feeling this worn out ever before.

Somehow, my relationship with my wife feels more strained lately.  I don't think anything has changed lately, but I think it's bothering me more.  A lot of our conversations are planning, dealing with kids's problems, and somewhat analytical.  I feel like I just don't have any patience for it.

Also, our romantic life, though I don't think we're doing anything any differently than ever before, just hasn't worked out well in a couple of months.  Always something seems to go wrong, or there seems to be some misunderstanding.  In the past we may have had isolated incidents like this and we quickly got over them, but now it seems like something wrong is just schlepping on and on.

I just feel worn out in every respect, and no relief in sight.  I'm managing not to act out as a result, but fantasies are seeming more and more tempting lately--nothing ever goes wrong in those fantasies.

Any of your thoughts would be appreciated.

Hi Eye.

Could it be that you're more aware of these things now than you used to be?
And you're also not running away to any immediate (false) comforts?

I think this time of year might have a lot to do with it also.
R"H, Y"K, slichos, crazy hours... Sukkos around the corner...

sturggle wrote on 23 Sep 2009 05:27:

That's probably a big part of it.  There's no fake relief from stress.  There's just stress.

What's the healthy way to deal with this?

I have some ideas...,
but maybe some of the married guys can help you out a bit more...

Dear Yiddle. What you're going through is perfectly understandable. When we stop "medicating" our uncomfortable feelings, we're left only with the uncomfortable feelings... See daily Dose of Dov in e-mail #587 for what to do about it (from the experts!)

Dearest Chaver,

When was the last time you had a vacation with you wife alone for a few days? It seems that the dr would order one for what ails u

Perhaps if its not feasible right now (it is a hectic time of the year) plan one for right after sukkos. The actual planning can be therapeutic.

Or even a mini vacation of a day and 2 nights.....

Or maybe just for one night.....

If nothing else,  know that Noorah is with you on this, sorta been there done that and trying to extricate myself from the burnout.....when I master the art of "burnout healing" I will share it with all
Love

Noorah

Dear Fellow Beloved Yid Eye.nonymous,

You sound so normal. I feel your pain. You feel like you’re doing the right thing but it feels worse to you in some ways. That’s part of the process. Keep at it. And maybe get more sleep. Maybe getting more sleep right now is of higher priority than some other things just so you can feel more B’Nachas and at ease. I’ve come to realize that when there’s a minor upheaval at home, especially right before you need to daven or go to Shul, that Shalom Bayis and taking care of the kids is actually much more important than going to Shul, especially at my level. I missed Slichos on Tzom Gedalya, because I knew I just didn’t have the energy, and I knew I’d be much worse off. I got to Slichos early both yesterday and today, and for me, that was the right thing to do.

Also, take out your wedding album together with your wife and start looking through the pictures.
Reminisce a little bit. It will be good for your wife, and you, too.

We are all behind you, and rooting for you.

Nishmas

TZADDIK YOU ARE SOO SOO SOO NORMAL

I WAS SO FOCUSED ON MY 90 DAYS I FORGOT WHY I WAS TRYING TO KEEP CLEAN AND HEALTHY FOR

IT REALLY WAS WORK TO EASE UP AND NOT FOCUS SO MUCH

PM ME I CAN GIVE SOME EITZAH
b

thanks for all the replies.

Dear R' E.N,
Everyone has said it already. Nothing for me to add.

So I'll just repeat  :D

It is more important to be rested than to be slichos'ed. At least, for us sensitive types that tend to gravitate to GYE.

It is VERY important to take a mini vacation with your wife. Doesn't matter how small it is. If you can only realistically get away for an hour, do it. But 4 hours is better. A day, even better. Spend time just focusing on each other, no 'tachlis' talk

I used to think that vacations are a goyish thing. For 15 years we have not gone on a vacation. But I've since been advised by really chashuva persons (more than one) that it is essential.

So we took a 6 hour trip, to a nice, quiet, and kosher recreational place that we both liked.

without the kids.  :D

Made a world of a difference.

The hectic RH YK S schedule and pressures can also be a factor. Pull through the YT!

k