Hi,

I'm reaching out. I've been surfing this site for weeks, and was very involved in Duvid Chaim's group in the summer, but now my schedule has changed, and for the last couple of weeks, I've been out of the loop. Worst time of year, too. I've never posted on this forum, though.

And now it's erev rosh hashana, and I missed selichos because of an alarm problem (not my fault), but in my disappointment, I went on the internet, and in a short while, I went to an old favorite site, MB'd, you name it. :'( I feel like a goy, and I don't know how I will face Hashem on Rosh Hashana like this. The pressure of the yom hadin, (and other troubles in my life), will send me to have an even worse din! How ironic!

Any chizuk is much appreciated.

Yosef

you need to understand that its not your fault, your addicted, I am to.

We need to build strong fences and then have other people help us. I am in a somewhat similar situation as you. It is painful.

I know I'm addicted. I understand the 12 step program well. I still watch as all of the guys out there rack together huge amounts of days, and I can barely get more than a week. Making fences doesn't help for me. I've broken through them all, and if I get a strong filter, it won't help. I'll just use a phone or a different computer. The problem is in me, not in my computer, and I can't break away!

Hi Yosef,
Don't eat your heart out. Thats what YH wants to make you Batzvus (depressed) so he can get you again and again. What kind of fences did you put up? Have you tried that you wouldn't go on internet till you learn 15-30 minutes something in Mussar  read Chizuk mails, read your notes from 12 step program,take a walk before you start etc etc. Those things i find helps me. I failed also after 30 days this week but i'm up again Bh. Seems to be Yh is putting in a whole lot of work against us before RH. Lets knock him out this year all together.

welcome yosef!!

the problem is in all of us. we just try to use tricks to help us along. so for me, that includes a really strong filter, and talking to my sponser daily.
and i still fall
ok, baruch hashem, this run i have more than ten days already. but sometimes, especially after a fall, i can't go even one day. the most imortant thing to do is to keep trying.
you fell. now get up, and thank Hashem, for a new year, a new opprtunity, and declare Hashem as king, not just with your words, but with your heart.

i wish i could write more, but i am so busy right now. be'ezrat Hashem, more to come after  RH.
Just stay strong for now, ok? The YH wants you to be sad and depressed, he wants you not to daven, to feel like there's no hope for you anymore. but there is hope. take a peak at the wall of honor, and you'll see.
habib

Remember that on Rosh HaShanah we are judged "Ba'asher Hu Sham" (look out for it in tomorrow's Kriyas HaTorah).  Hashem will judge you, based on where you are holding right then, not based on what you did the month before, or even the day before.

Yosefdoe,

Don't get discouraged. It's not easy. Welcome to the forum! You are reaching out, that's a great step. It's not always easy to go into uncomfortable territory and post on the forum for the first time, but you're doing it. Give yourself a break, and always think of new strategies for yourself.

I found Elya K.'s correspondences a chizuk to me. He's gone through so much and his words are insightful.

You also may want to read some of the Recovery Stories (I think it's here
www.guardureyes.com/GUE/Stories/StoriesRecMain.asp    )

Take it one step at a time. Do you feel that overall you're on a better level than your were before you started Duvid Chaim's group? I gather that overall you have moved forward. What you are going thru can be very frustrating. But keep at it. Even when we progress, we often take 2 steps forward and 1 step backward. Remember, Sheva Yipol Tzadik V'Kum.

You are a Heiligeh Neshama! You are a child of the Ribono Shel Olam!

Nishmas

yosefdoe wrote on 18 Sep 2009 15:49:



I don't exactly want to stomp all over you right after showing up, but what does that mean? I would suggest thinking before posting.


Now, as far as your falling--just take it one day at a time. It's the only way (right, dov?)

You might of needed this Yerida = Fall now so that you can now have an Aliah=Rise.

Like Uri said the other day "We Need To Be or Feel Empty in order to get Full again" somthing like that.

The point is that somtimes we don't realise or comprehend the need for us to really work on this adiction until we hit rock bottom.

So now is a good time to start fresh a brand new page.

Make a Kabolo that this year you will do whatever it takes to fight this adiction & what a better time then now!

You can do it!

Now get up take a dip in the Mikvah you will come out as a new man.

Have A Guarded Year
Efshar Letaken

Sweet Sweet dear brother warrior Yosef,

It may very well be that your participation in the daveninng even a little bit could be considered by the Almighty like the tefilah of the greatest tzadikim. The simple reason is that by us addicts it so difficult.

Quick share: one time after I fell - it was sheer hel* for me to be in shul....we all know the feeling!  Then all of a sudden @ of nowhere an idea fell in my head say viduy -real viduy for what I just acted out. I said "chotosi avisi poshati lfonechah I did blank and blank  please Almighty forgive me for my many sins!  All of a sudden I felt better, I didint feel as if the daveninng was something to be endured.

So simple yet so powerful- it worked for me -try it!!! Teshuva works for real and it aint that difficult!! This is what I learned!

Love and prayers
Ksiva V'chasima tova in the book of tzadikim
Noorah

Thank you all for your posts! I got a lot of chizuk from you all. As the day rolled on, I had my share of temptations. but haven't fallen. Shabbos and yom tov are almost never a problem for me. Sunday is a killer usually, but this week, it's a yomtov, so I'll have 2 days already coming out of Rosh Hashana! ;D
I won't give up! I'll pick myself up! Anyway, the mashal about the dancing prisoner in today's email gave me a lot of chizuk. I love Hashem,and I await his Malchus to be revealed. I can't say I love myself right now, but that's what Rosh Hashana is all about! I saw in Sifsei Chaim that when we sin, we're being selfish, and when we fear the judgement, we're being selfish. It's only about Hashem when it's only about Hashem.
May we all be written in the sefer hachaim. Real Chaim! Chaim of freedom, not walking zombies!

Welcome yosefdoe!

We all feel your pain and know where you're coming from... Your best bet is to stick with DC's calls and go through the handbooks... Download them from the homepage of our website and follow the tools in order. You will find what works for you.




Can you send me that Moshol? I don't remember sending it... Maybe it's from another Chizuk network? (or am I just losing my mind, not surprising either)

LOYNATA HOILECH wrote on 18 Sep 2009 17:41:


L.H, I am SO glad that you're back up and running!. I was really down when you fell and felt horrible afterwards. Keep posting and keep us informed!

Y.D., thanks for mentioning that the mashul of the dancing prisoner was helpful to you. you made my day.