I have failed! I have fallen. After 32 days I lost it. I knew I was losing it and I couldn't stop myself. It started with facebook and I spent the whole day on the computer surfing. I even went home for supper and came back and thought I would control myself, but I didn't.
I don't even want to look in the mirror I am so embarrassed. I just want to cry. After all that hard work, I have thrown it all away.
Is there hope??
I feel like my whole world has crumbled, that I was doing so well and on such a high and then I have sunk so low. I don't know where I will get the strength to get back up and keep going?

Holy Holy Yid!

It's wonderful if you cry. Cry your heart out! But please understand that you haven't thrown it all away at all!!!

You ask if there's hope. There is certainly much more hope than ever before!!! The Gemoroh says "Habah letaher misaayen lo" and also "Biderech she'adom rotzeh leilech molichin osoh" Why does it speak in plural form:  misayen - they help him and molichin - they lead him? So the Maharsha and the Kedushas Levi explain that every resolution and every effort a person makes, creates a malach. And when the army of malachim gets large enough, it has the power to help overcome all the obstacles and lead him to where he wants to get.

I think that now that you've done 32 days [gematria lev] you made for yourself a new heart. Now you're ready to go for a new brain with 48 days. It hurts to fall (I know the feeling very well) but the nachas ruach that we make when we ignore the fall and get right back up, is the greatest there can be!

Use the fall to learn from . Learn to always keep your guard up etc... And then the fall itself will become a zechus and turn you in to a Tzadik!

Also please see Mevakesh's post on habib613's thread (page 2) in the wall of honor section.

Dearest Poshut yid. Today's Chizuk e-mail is dedicated to you!

You know, I see this war in Israel as a reflection of our spiritual battles with evil. Today, Israel was an inch away from agreeing to a ceasefire with Hamas brokered by France. See News article here. In the end though, the cabinet voted it down and the battle continues!! I was thinking of you when I read this. I was wondering if it was in your Zechus that the battle GOES ON!!

In my book, faliure is only when we fail to realize that we have slipped and fail to muster the courage to start again. If one slips off the mountain, shrugs and walks away, he will never reach the summit. If one slips off the mountain, and resolves to climb again (yes, with better gear and safety nets) then he hasn't failed. He merely has taken a small detour, but the summit is still his for the taking!!!

There is nothing "Poshut" about you, You are a YID!!! and Hashem loves you! Start that climb again my dear brother. We are here to help, and Hashem will catch you if you fall!

Chazak V'Ematz!

Mevakesh does it again: to the point.

Well Poshiter I myself fell through on the holy Chanuka days which started so great
I was devastated I could not calm myself indulged in suicidal acts.
Until my friends here made me realize that I still am on a higher rung of the ladder I was a few months ago
I decided to take this fall to greater height.
No net for fun, except Gaurdureyes.
The Zera Koesh explains that a smart person advances after a fall.
He compares this to a ball thrower the more he lowers his hand before the throw, the higher the ball will ascend.
Please be strong and you will strengthen us.
MD

"There poshute yid". Your crying makes me cry because I know exactly how you feel. I am a new member to this site. I have only started my  th day clean today, and I have to admit that my biggest fear is that if I ever fall that i will give up. However I believe that one other way to fight the Y''H in this situation is to tell your mind that you really didn't fall and that today was merely a dream or you just ignore that you fell and you carry on counting as if you didn't fall. Once you reach a week or two pass the incident of that day (which by you was on the 32 day)then you start recounting honestly. Meaning that you really are 2 weeks clean and not 48 days clean. Because by then it will be easier accept that you fell on that day. It doesn't always work but it really is a good way to get around it.
In today's email it talks about how one should separate his mind from his heart.
By doing this you are thinking through your mind and not your heart. 

Well said Phillip! Remember this parable: Even if someone is heading out to the other side of town and on the way he slips on the ice, all he needs to do it just get up and continue. But slipping never takes a person all the way back home. Even if you slip, you are still where you were when you fell. You just need to stand yourself up and continue on from where you left off... JUST DON'T STAY ON THE FLOOR!

Avodas Hashem is like the financial market
You can never judge the market by a week’s history of course not by a day’s account; you have to take a larger glimpse to see what’s really happening.