guard, i didnt censor myself... in case youve missed it, i was born without the filter that exists between most people's brain and their mouth...its not the first time ive been told to shut up and it wont be the last...i think that of all the posts on the topic your simple truths ring the loudest in my head...i change my vote: daven...i hope that i will NEVER have to put this debate to use...going on chai...

ratm

I posted this on my groups forum this morning, thought i'll post it on this thread.

Conversation went like this, it's a depiction of almost every single morning in my life.

7:30am Me: I should get up and go to shul for a change, it's a few days before R"H.
Y'H: (or yetzer tov, not sure which one): yeah, good idea, 5 more minutes and you'll go.
1 hour later:
Me: Wow, it's 8:30 time to go to the office, but I could run to shul and at least daven beychidus like a mentch in a shul setting and say selichos too.
Y'H: your such a shaigetz, 4 days before R'H, when's the last time you davened shachris with a minyan anyway, you need to go to shul and daven the entire thing.
Me: you know what, your right, I don't need to be in my office at 9am, I don't work for anyone so I could go to shul, but I can't it's such a pressure for me, I kinda hate davening and always did, If I at least go to shul and daven my best, even if it only takes 15 minutes at least I'll daven shmoine esrah with a minyan better then davening at home in 3 minutes.
Y'h: Shaigetz, B'heima, mamzer, Hashem is not listening to you the way you are, yeah all that chizuk about doing your best and taking one small step at a time is nice but Elul is here for a reason and so is slichos, remember those shmussen you heard from R' Mattisyahu about being petrified of R'H and אימת הדין, well you have a lot to worry about, your expected to really make an effort these days.  If you don't go to shul your worhtless, and even if you do go you have to be zoche for your teffilos to reach hashem.
Me: right, I should go for the whole thing but I really can't. I give up I'm just going to skip it.
Y'h: right, told you you’re a shaigetz.
Me: But I really can't go for the whole thing, I think I should just step into shul so I made a small effort and I at least get schar halicha, remember last time I did that I ended up davening with a minyan.
Y'h: Sure, think hashem is a ATM machine, you need hatzlocha today so you daven like a goy and he's going to help you just because you asked, davening with a minyan and saying the entire thing is halachicly mandatory, God Hashem hates you.
Me: They say every little effort counts.
Y'h: shaigetz.
Me: right, I am a shaigetz, I give up, I hate myself.

I put teffilin on at home and 4 minutes later I get into my car and drive to office feeling guiltier and guiltier every second

y'h:  told you you’re a goy, you’re going to have a lousy day today, I promise you.  How could have a good day after skipping davening.
Me: I should have gone to shul, I still could if I really want to.  Oochs I'm so stupid stupid stupid, I give up.
y'h: bad bad boy, hashem hates you, don't even talk to him today and ask for hatzlocha, hashem is not a ATM machine dispensing hatzlocha whenever you need it at your whim.
Me:(on my way to work): shigetz that I am, every rosh hashana the same thing.  I'm going to make a small kabbala, a very small one that I can keep, I can work on my mincha maariv with a minyan that's easier than shachris, at least I'll have made a good move.
y'h: sure, mincha, maarive very nice, so you’re going to skip shachris the entire year, what do you think hashem thinks of that?
me: your right, I'm a shiagetz, I have to make shachris otherwise I'm going to be poor and luckless. 
Y'h: You hit the nail on the head,  your kabbala has to include shachris, mincha and mariv otherwise you’re a goy.
Me: k, but I've tried shachris for years and have had no success, can't I try the easier stuff first and maybe by next year I'll be ready for shachris.
Y'h:  shaigetz, so you are going to skip shachris every single day and then beg hashem by mincha, your mincha is worth nothing if you skip sharhris, shaigetz.
me: i'm not going to skip shachris every day, just i'm going to work on my mincha and leave shachris the way it was till now, I should also learn a sefer on teffila to appreciate davening more. It will probably get better automatically.
y'h; sure, your sachris till now was worthless, even the time you went to shul, it was a bracha l'vatalla.
me; what about one small step at a time?
y'h: what about the fact that this time of the year is for teshuva, if  you die today you will burn so badly in gehenom, you will never see the light of day,  all the chizuk and small step talk is very nice but is NOT what hashem wants of you.  Do you really think hashem is going to ignore every time you skipped shachris just because you davened mincha, hashem is not mevater on anything, nothing, not even when you come late to shul or shmooze in shul, remmeber that shiur. SHAIGETZ!
me: I give up, I'm such a loser, I'm so depressed.

MosheF wrote on 16 Sep 2009 01:28:

Moshe - Though I don't know you, and as I'm not trying to convince you of anything, this share is probably safe: What you describe was a regular for me, too, for many years, till about 2 1/2 years sober when things started to radically improve. Anyway, at times like those I need to remember things like this: Gm' Berachos: "R' (someone) says: If you want to accept completely that Hashem is your king, wash your hands, go to the bathroom, say k'riyas sh'ma and daven sh'moneh esrei." I know that halacha developed to include berachos, p'sukei d'zimrah, birchos k'riyas sh'ma, kedusha, borchu, aleinu, etc, etc, all for our own good, but: There is something very, very big to be said for a yid who does just those 4 simple steps. Very big.
When even that doesn't work for me for some reason, I would remember that I was sober.
If that isn't great news enough for me to be happy about regardless of what I am doing wrong (or not doing right), I'd paraphrase the powerful Lecovitcher story the heiligeh guard posted above: "If the fact that an addict is sober today is not good enough for him, he has not yet tasted the waters of recovery." 
This, I believe, is the spirit of "Dayeinu" at the seder: "even if He would have taken us to har sinai and not given us the Torah; etc, etc...It would have been enough for us." "Enough" for what? Enough for us to feel like we got a good deal, to feel OK about things - even w/o x,y,and z. These are ideas I can't afford to "watch as they walk by".
I feel I need to think these things through, not just know them, or say them, c"v. We say them for a reason.
Love for all who struggle, or even those who sturggle,
Dov

MOISHE

LOOK AT THE KOAC OF TEFILLA AND ESPECIALLY BITZIBBUR

TH YH HAS NOTHINH ELSE TO DO

OTHAR THAN GET YOU "NOT" TO DAVEN

TEFILLA BETZIBBUR

IS THE STEALTH BOMBER

YOU SLIP IN UNDER THE RADAR!!

http://www.theamericanmind.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2006/11/stealth-fighter.jpg

OK THIS IS A BIT FLAKY

ENJOY!!

http://www.simpletoremember.com/jewish/blog/joker-personal-growth/

My convo with the Y'H on davening this year

L: this year i really want to daven shachris and mincha every day
Y"H: you'll never make it. give up now. How many years are you going to say this for?
L: no! i really want to make this kabballa work
Y: fine! perfect for me- you'll be good for maybe, like, 3 days and then we'll be back on my track!
L: ugh! i'm not gonna let you win so easily! Baby steps. teeny tiny baby steps
Y: oh, please! what do you think this is? this is shacaris- it's the whole shachris and it all build up on each othr- you can't just do half!
L: well i can't do the whole thing right now
Y: told you
L: well at least i talk to Hashem in english!
Y: (snorts derisively) sure! great! (rolls eyes) L, i gotta tell you something. it aint the saime and honestly, u might as well drop that 2 for all it counts
L: SHUT UP YOU MENUVAL! I'm doing this ans that's that and Hashem values my english tefillos- I know he does. I know that it is so good for me to talk to Hashem- I'ts a feeling so you can't argue with it! BYE!

now for the battle plan...

1. got partner to wake up at same time as me. set alarm and call her at 6:45 every morn.
2. told her to make sure i'm standing up out of bed before we hang up so i don't go back to sleep
3. we report on what we davened and what we skipped each day.

SMITHEREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENS!

I'm honestly the proudesestest sis around  ;D
I also set up a plan , but in even littler steps. One entire tefilah a day. Doing good, but I feel like I'm cheating. Like I can skip the 2 harder ones, shachris n mincha, and jst do maariv. WHO AM I FOOLING?
Still I'm trying, and thats what matters. I won let it get me down.

TrYiNg wrote on 23 Sep 2009 03:09:


the yetzer hara, my dear, that's who.

baby steps. _{teeny tiny baby steps}

or if teeny tiny baby steps dont work for you, lace up them orthopedic doctor martins and take some waffle makin kickin through the shins steps...that may work too...

Way to go choshuva kalah! I want to suggest a #4. never give up! every single day is a clean slate!

good. i woke up SO late today and didn't daven yet but hope to grab some time at work. now that i announced it, i hope it'll push me to really daven.

G'luck. Hope I find time too.

I didn't read all the comments on this thread, but would like to mention that actually I am quite sure that this subject is mentioned in sforim. That is whether to daven or not after doing an (any) aveiroh. I was quite sure that the Mishneh Brurah said something about this, but cannot find it. I also heard a similar thing in a tape from Rav Y. Weinberg ztz"l. I would appreciate it if anyone who knows where this statement by the Chofetz Chaim is, or any other reference to this subject, would please post that source.

Regardless, the idea that I was left with was that one should think to himself, before Shmoneh Esrei, "How disgusting was that aveiroh," and that is enough for this purpose. This is before shmoneh esreh. The rest of davening is not really problematic, as far as I can tell. One of the kavonos of "A-do-nai sfosei tiftoch", is that we ask that our aveiros should not be me'akev or something to that effect. But  we acknowledge the aveiroh and the disgust for it, even if this is not at the level of true charotoh. This (minimally, I suppose) would be enough so that one can say shmoneh esrai.

But, where is that?

BTW. Maybe this is not the place to post this, but it may be helpful here. --- An odom godol once told
me that we have to "listen" to the words of davening, not just try to put our own meanings (and wants)
into the words. Listening to the words without "preconditions" is important, at least sometimes.

Chazak wrote on 29 Nov 2009 07:40:


Thanks holy brother Chazak!! This was a beautiful and inspiring thought

Those who are m "chazak" others will surely merit that the Almighty say to them ..........CHAZAK CHAZAK in a big WAY .

Way to go..... Keep posting your words of chizuk

A very greatfull

Noorah

How about the end of shmoneh esrei: "lma'an yaychaltzun yididecha, etc." Even if an addict just finnished 10 hours of poison on the web or visited his "friend" or whatever, Hashem still considers this man his Yedid. This doesn't mean He's proud of him, of course. To me it's the only hope there is of getting better today, because He even loves a rosho. Kal vechomer an addict!
And how much He must be way out overboard about us while we are finally taking serious steps to get better! YoWWW!! Each one of us is probably His favorite channel 24/7 for the rest of our lives.