im the kind of guy who will or be the best or the worst that means ill have a good week i,ll be the best ill daven with kavanah etc or i wont daven at all kind of wierd. when i found gye and started counting i also started to daven learn but i davka din"t but not with kavana as if i go to high i fall well i was scared that when i"ll fall i wont be able to continue and bevcome depressed. this week i fell i said fanties is not againest the rules well after that i decided so what iff i fell i can continue and wentt to daven as if it dint happen

Fantasies are very much against my rules.
For me they became intrusive thoughts that just about took over my mind.
More than anything else, it was these thoughts that made me realize something was wrong with me, that I wasn't just being a "man."
Baruch Hashem for giving me a way out.

melost wrote on 11 Nov 2012 15:19:


It's the other way. The fantasies are the real root of the problem. There are men that are impotent because of their thoughts. This shows you that arousal is entirely in your head.

i fell three times since i feel sick after being clean for 10days and it was so gasmeck no its hell .i just m***** first thing in the morning .i think i learnt to stop u have to change yourself

starting counting from now help me hashem

Great!
What's the plan?

to do the 12 steps

2 days clean now

a..c..h..a..s v.'.a..c..h..a..s

thanks

acted out two nights ago and last night i blooked my phone .im upset dint daven since shabbos

Sorry to read about your matzav. Looking back at your posts (in an effort to get to know you better), I realize that you never really introduced yourself. You keep using 1-2 liners, without giving much detail. It may me helpful if you sit down, make yourself comfortable, and start from Alef. i.e. tell us a bit about yourself.
How old are you (more or less)?
What type of Yid are you (hassidish, yeshivish, BT, MO, etc)?
Single or married?
What type of issues are you struggling with?
What type of approaches have you tried in the past?
etc. etc.

This way you stand a good chance of finding people who can relate to you and to your issues, and some good advice may come your way as a result.

Hatzlacha

MT

It sounds to me that there is a problem here that cannot be blamed on your wife ("if she only gave me more, then I wouldn't have as much desire!"), cannot be blamed on Hashem ("my yetzer hora made me do it!"), and perhaps calls for the precious attitude of "ein hadovor tloi ella bee": It's time I stop just waiting to lose (counting the days on some ridiculous chart and calling that 'recovery'), and start actually learning how to live in a way that does not require me to medicate by lusting out. That's simple, but it's work. And none opf us are smart enough to figure out how to do that (not even using a book), because our brains are how we got this messed up in the first place.

If nothing changes, nothing changes.

Machshovo wrote on 19 Nov 2012 17:27:

im chashidish around 20 i had done with boys in yeshiva i dont know if u can call me religos i never realy pray actuly now on the days im clean i daven happy on the days i fall i dont i have issues with porn, magerzines masterbating i used/still do m***** once a day twice a day since i found gye i managed to be clean for ten days only starting counted again 3 days basicly when i fall it takes me a few days to get back

melost wrote on 20 Nov 2012 14:40:


Welcome. I'm just curious (ok it's more than idle curiosity), why do you want to srop masurbating?

Much hatzlacha for staying clean today.