Ok....so i went down...more than this subject of eyes, my spiritual life is crashing.
Today i wasnt able to even say the shema, i will put tefilin later, even without bircas haTorah, if needed...I am angry with Hashem I think.
What He wants from me? It is not Torah, because that didnt worked. My family doesnt care about judaism.
So I am alone. But there are girls...I pay them for sex...but it is the only thing...they doesnt care also...so I continue alone. And even more than before.
I hate this self piety...so why do i continue? I feel sometimes that my life is so empty that it could end now...but i will not do that, i know this.
Why I am writing here? I dont know...maybe because someone out there may, at least, hear and understand.
I will not say col tuv, because it is not.

Decide you are going to lift yourself out of this funk you're in.
You can start by appreciating and being grateful for what you have.
Can you see? Hear? Swallow? Speak?
Do your kidneys work, or are you on dialysis?
Do you have food to eat today? A warm and dry place to live?

Choose to focus on the good. Say thank you to Hashem for these things.
It's a start.

I started to feel better after posting...maybe i was just in need to get all those things out of my head.
I will lift myself...at least before another fall.
I was more carefull today with my shemiras einaim.
Yesterday I heard someone saying that you harvest what you planted, and that got in my head...I want something better for me than what i am doing. I deserve something much better than that.
Let's see what will unfold.

Hi there C"O,

I can see you're a good man, and you deserve a good life. Go for it!
With a little effort - one day at a time - you will be able be"H to look back with satisfaction on what you accomplished. So join us GYE'ers and let's all keep on trucking - full speed ahead. No looking back. Start fresh today!

Hatzlacha

MT