Thanx MT I wrote to Nitz in PM's a bit and it cooled me off. Someone sent me a news link about something and on the side was the "sex sell's" stuff I started fishing though the stuff and stopped in my tracks and asked myself "Will this make me happy for a long time or only just a bit of pressure release and then I will be even gloomier. Is this what is wanted from me right now, just to succumb and masturbate to porn?" I closed the website and came here to post and cool down. Now I am out of here and going to socialize a bit with friends.
I might be back later to see what’s up with you guys later but now is not the right time.
I am even ready if I fall later (even though I deep down don’t want to) but now I have the upper hand and I am asking Hashem please help me and take the battle away from me I am right now winning but I WOULD RATHER NOT WIN BUT NOT HAVE TO FIGHT!!! (Even though the fight makes you grow spiritually, I feel that now, it is not for me (yet))
Yitzchok