I know everyone seems to be saying they regret it and it lasts in marriage and they tried to stop before... im still 17. clean. but i see girls. i used to talk to girlsbh dont anymore. the taavah is here. can i stop forever??? we say v'lo neyvosh l'olam vo'ed. i know its possible. does anyone have stories??? i have gotten tonstonstonstonstons of chizuk from all the amazing sad stories and everything and am doing amazing so far... but havent seen alotta bachurim that stopped. i never wanna be in marriage with this problem... tips? advice?

Kedusha,

I can't begin to tell you how much I envy you. You don't realise how precious your youth, energy and time are until you've lost them. The opportunities that you have to learn, form friendships and develop your mind, body and character will never be available again as they currently are at this period in your life. You are not squandering this golden time as I did, due to ignorance of the consequences of masturbation. Even now at the age of 27 and 6 years into recovery, I am still repairing the 'sins of my youth'.

I do remember at the age of 13 thinking to myself 'I can either channel all this massive energy that I have into work, sport, music and become really brilliant, or I can just indulge in sensuality and just be quite good'. That was Satan lying to me. There is no half-way house or third way out. You either climb upwards or you slip down to hell - literally as I was to discover 8 years down the road (and it was a progressively miserable journey I have to tell you).

There is nothing wrong with talking to girls (unless you have an agenda to get them to sleep with you or something immoral like that). We are young men and it's natural that we are attracted to the opposite sex. You are 'clean' so you haven't felt this, but engaging in this sin destroys your self-esteem, self-confidence and makes you devilishly ugly. Which makes it almost impossible to form relationships with the opposite sex. The 'pain' of staying clean is a million times better than giving into lust. Believe me - this is one case where ignorance really is bliss.

Sorry to be long-winded but one more thing: don't know if you feel this but I felt so strong at the age of 13 just before I started masturbating. Running would fill my whole body with ecstatic joy, a physical sensation I've never felt since. Gaining happiness through virtuous living was so easy at that time, because your mind, body and soul are perfect. Doing Tshuva is hard work and things that formerly gave me joy such as reading, music, work etc felt like bloody chores and suffering to an insensitive soul and weakened body.

Keep on track and hope I haven't put you to sleep buddy.

BW,

DL

nonononoono keep goiing that was very moving. amazing. thank you. yes i mean ive watched alot unfortunately but not too deep that i cant get out thats what ive learned and definitely wht youve said is a huge chizuk for me. talking to girls is destructive for me though. when i used to it only did bad .

by the way i meant im clean for 13 days. botch----- sorryoops

sorry was that a misundertanding? just realized...

kedusha,

My advice is to try and treat girls as friends rather than looking at them as sexual objects. I know it's not easy at the age of 17 when any girl who isn't fat or ugly is potentially interesting. If you realise that they are just people as well, that makes things easier.

Btw, porn is more addictive than crack cocaine and heroin. So don't get hooked. The only way is not to take the first drink. Believe me, you always start by thinking oh well I need to know what a girl looks like naked anyway, it's educational bla bla. But before you know it, you start looking at things you would have been disgusted by not so long ago. Even when you know what things look like, you still go back to check just to make sure you really do etc etc. Sound familiar? It's all a con.

Every time you look at porn, you weaken your fiery and holy soul. Even if you feel nothing, it's because you've become desensitissed but the damage still happens.

Kedusha,

One more thing that I remember holding me back from stopping when I was a teenager. First of all, life without orgasm seemed unbearable. I just had to have that pleasure. What I didn't realise was that the price of that pleasure was losing all the pure pleasures that should be yours by right; intelligence, health and strength, dynamism, achievement, self-pride, real friendships.

It's true that when you sacrifice this pleasure that kills you slowly you receive pleasure in other areas of your life. They are far greater and last for far longer.

Another thing was being discouraged by the difficulty, time and work that would have to go into breaking free from lust and addiction. When you are very young, 2-3 years seem like half an eternity. But believe me, the longer you leave it, the harder it gets. The up side is that any effort you put into stop in now will pay far vaster dividends because your body is still very young, growing and capable of recovering very rapidly if you just give it a chance. Don't be deceived by the instant results culture and world that we live in - anything worthwhile takes a lot of time and effort to achieve, but that's why the investment is huge - bc the rewards equal the input.

If I had stopped at 17, it would still have been difficult, but it wouldn't have been unbearably and excruciatingly painful as it turned out to be another 4 years down the road. And I would have been fully recovered by my early twenties, with the capacity to enjoy my young adult years.

Anyway, it's all history for me now, but if I've managed to influence you to take action now, I will feel better and that my experiences weren't all for nothing.

BW and keep us posted,

DL

Desert Lion,
You most definitely have, thank you for your words of wisdom and advice Although ive been through alot of other stuff for a teen, including porn/masturbation addiction i realize that its really not late at all. I see that i dont wanna be involved in this stuff anymore and wanna happy family. Your words are of great inspration. Thank you.

youve got 3 years on me and at least 30 on some others.

Thank Hashem he helped you help yourself at a younger age.

(Also I would probably not hang around girls, It never really helps me get them off my mind. I dont know if you would treat this as a religious question or not but stam in regards to a lust addiction Hanging out with the opposite sex? It makes me want lust more. If you can somehow look at woman as people and not objects (Ide be pretty impressed if you can) then maybe its a different story Im not claiming to be an expert in all things lust related just putting in my 2 cents))

Really delighted that I could help you Kedusha! Yeh and JustKeepGoing has good points too. I don't know your personal situation, but you've got to figure out what works for you re girls etc to keep you on track.

BW,

DL

I am 17 and got out of HS and into Yeshiva for that reason. Try Rabbi Strauss in Lakewood and ask him what he can do. If not, get a good Rabbi and hang on tight!