wow this posting is all whack.
![](https://guardyoureyes.com/components/com_kunena/template/default/images/emoticons/new/tongue.png)
I really get the feeling that you are trying to fight things, that you are going to grab the demon by horns and prove him wrong... maybe this is the first necessary and important stage? But I don't get it. I don't see any recovery structure that I'm used to. Then again, I've been hangin' up my hat at strange places so what do I know.
Anyhow maybe i've been out of the loop for too long, not doing enough work of my own. I feel like my thoughts are the problem, not the solution. And the more I try to think and grapple with things, the deeper I spin my wheels. I've got to stop thinking and just relax and breathe. Maybe.
Anyhow your program seems to be working - do you have a sponsor and do you go to meetings? I guess the powerlessness is the first step, which can well take you to Rosh haShinuy...