Good morning. To answer your question I still go to meetings. They also tend to be more honest especially after a fall. So I just kinda need to think out loud here. For the second time in a row with only a week apart my Internet filter completely disappeared on me. I fell not long after. The actuality that I fell does not bother me as much as the state of mind I went in to and the content saw that bugs me (this is not saying I want to enjoy and control it, I'm just not letting it bug me down). I'm asking the time old question of why. Why has god placed me in such a in my face type of test for the 3rd week in a row. I know my strength and weaknesses and getting over an initial hump of an unprotected device like that is not one of them (yet). It was slightly better this time around. When I say slightly I say it because I took a few minutes to trying make a good effort to conjure up my higher power and will power. I am thankful for the progress thus far. I am able to be honest right after to myself and those around me and as this has happned for the second time in such a short period of time I have taken extra steps to repair the device. Ultimately if I am meant to come in to contact with such a test again no amount of security will prevent that but that's okay with me. These days the only way lust gets to me is with the passage of time. After 2 weeks which is my bodily norm I feel withdrawal symptoms and that when lust kicks in. Not much I can do about that. However stuff life challenges and past negativities are no longer something lust can use( and believe me it used to big time). After a fall I can get back on, faster, stronger, and with greater clarity and honesty. All I can say is im accepting gods terms no matter the turn out as I never really lose when I take it hat way. Sme of us reach sobriety faster some slower. I would categorize myself as slower (not that this is a race) but that's okay. I have direction and that's what sets me on the right tracks. Till next I write, God bless!!
