and i am worried im just not catching on because i mas... for the last 6 nights and i feel im going nowhere fast i dont understand where im going wrong. i know im helpless by myself and only hashem can help me but i dont know what the third entails/means.also any suggestions for good jewsh books based on 12 steps.

sometimes i get this terrible idea to just leave yeshiva read all the books i want to(i like reading)look at all sorts of garbage and then when i finally feel so sick(because at the end of the day lifes got a purpose and subconsciously/consciously we know that) just overdose because this addiction is so sickeningly addictive and depressing-i.e such strong values and understandind but totally ungrounded

Just a thought on the first sentence:
Daniel on the call told me today that recovery has nothing to do with acting out. It has to do with changing your life and attitudes for the better. The acting out will eventually fade to the background (though it won't go away completely).
I'm not sure about the rest of your post, I'm pretty new at this, so I'll let the other chevra chime in here.
Hatzlacha! Cheer up!
Meir