The success continues. And I realize that this is still in the "honeymoon" period, and that all this clarity and new found energy will not, by itself, continue without commitment and vigilance. But regardless, it definitely feels like a good, solid start.

The best way I can describe it is that it feels similar to when I quit smoking cigarettes after 10 years of smoking. It was a sudden, intellectual realization that hit me one day: "This is just stupid. It's not really doing anything worthwhile, and if I'd taken all that money over the past 10 years, I probably could have been able to buy a car." And just like that, the switch went from on to off.

With the porn, it was very similar. I knew...in a profound way, that the net result of all that porn was zero. Or even less than zero, when you factor in all of the negative consequences (i.e. blocking the connection between my soul and Hashem; clouding the mirror, etc.) And the bell went off, just like with the cigarettes, that it was just plain stupid. Then when I began cleaner visualizations and meditations and readings, it became even more clear.

Again, this is just one person's journey/experience. But so far...so good.

Peace.

its amazing that such a simple idea takes us so long to get it.
We could hear it a million times, but it doesnt click until we are ready
and then we think where was i all this time?!?!?!

I know Gesh. Probs is that when we start to break a habit the only thing we have on our side is a thought in our heads and how determined we want to be. We don't feel anything emotionally so the desire to do it isn't as strong. It's only when we're well on the way that we feel all the new energy and we get added impetus to continue.

Congrats skay!

Gesher wrote on 17 Jun 2012 06:38:
With cigarettes, it was a subtle two-step process. When I smoked, I simply didn't want to stop smoking, and until I had the desire to want to stop, I didn't stop. Then, when the light bulb went off about what a stupid habit it was, and it flashed in me that I didn't want to keep doing this dumb, stupid habit any more, it was relatively easy to stop. In fact, it was instantaneous. But as long as I didn't want to stop, it was virtually impossible -- until I reached that clear level of wanting to stop.

With porn, it was a little different. There were definitely times in the past when I'd wanted to stop, but didn't; I felt the hold it had over me was just too strong. Maybe it took the higher level of saturation that the internet provided (i.e. unlimited "free" porn) to finally break through to my brain that even with unlimited access, it STILL added up to zero, or less than zero. THEN the desire to stop, that had been there, on and off, all along, was able to kick in. In a way, it's like being snapped out of a hypnotic trance, along with a sense of amazement when you realize that you could have been so totally unaware of something so obvious while in the trance.

And this process, as I experienced it, sounds different than what DesertLion is describing. For me it wasn't just a "thought"; it was a thought integrated with a powerful emotional component. It was a type of knowing that was more than just an intellectual way of knowing something. It's similar to the way faith is described -- on two levels -- in the book Visions Of A Compassionate World. The first level is intellectual; the second level integrates a strong emotional component/higher way of knowing. And that second level is much more powerful and energizing. (It's like the difference between good/bad and truth/falsehood; truth/falsehood is at a higher level than good/bad.) However, if there isn't an ongoing plan to keep feeding the soul what it needs, rather than "junk food" (i.e. porn), it eventually reverts back to the same pattern as before. That's why I described it as a "honeymoon" period; I know that this is only the beginning, and that the real work lies ahead, but it's a stronger, clearer start than I've ever had before, so for that I'm extremely grateful. It makes taking things one day at a time more comforting. Still, it all boils down to walking the walk, and not just talking the talk.

skaybaltimore wrote on 17 Jun 2012 12:58:


doesnt it always, doesnt it always.