I think I'm starting to understand why the yeitzer hara is compared to the crashing of waves at sea.

Two days ago I felt a great calm; greatly inspired.

I still feel the ability to tap into this, but yesterday I felt overpowered by the yeitzer hara.  It was a lot harder to control my eyes; I felt that I couldn't.  I almost felt that I didn't want to.  I looked through the GYE handbooks, and felt completely numb.  I searched the table of contents for some advice, some attitude that would speak to me.  THIS ISN'T GOING TO HELP ME!  That's all I felt.  THIS IS NEVER GOING TO HELP ME!

But today, the yeitzer didn't feel as strong.  Even more surprisingly, the words that I read--the words I felt were useless yesterday--were still there today.  They helped somewhat.

Perhaps tomorrow the tide of the yeitzer will ebb somewhat more.

I realized not to get discouraged too much at the ups and downs.  It may not be a sign of my own failings.

Rather, the yeitzer flows back and forth between high tide and low tide.

And no effort is wasted.  If it didn't seem to help today, it might turn out to be useful tomorrow.

Heiliga Eye,

What you are describing is the building of Keilim. The constant ebb and flow of the Y"H allows you to be stronger - especially if you didn't fall when you felt underwater. This is a gift from Hashem and should never get us deppresed.

And even when we Chas Vesholom fall, we have to tap into our ability for Hischadshus. The guy who sinned two hours ago is not me. So Mr. Y"H, if you want to get me deppressed about the fall, I am not recognizing you, since I wasn't the same guy who fell. Reb Nachman used to start fresh several times a day.

Thank you for this post.

Pintele Yid

Reb Eye, your post is something I too can relate to... you describe it wonderfully. 

Its helpful to be reminded about it, so that we not give up the fort when the hergesh and ratzon seem to be on vacation.

thanks,
kutan

Eye, great point! Couldn't of said it better!

2B