Dov wrote on 06 Apr 2016 21:48:

Sounds like you need some help. How about SA?

Hey, your concern is fabulous...but why do you think he is appropriate for SA? I just want to throw out a suggestion for a little caution.

The guy you are responding to there is no newbie...(he is a great guy and) he has has been around the GYE merry-go-round for a very long time. Perhaps he needs professional advice and care before he gets dropped into a 12 step group. Joining a real, live 12 step group saved my life. I could never ever have gotten sober in a virtual place like GYE. But 12 step groups are best geared for people who are suffering enough that they are ready to do things, ready to take actions and to reach out for real in-person help. Most people are here on GYE davka because they are not yet willing to do most of those things. And I have watched over a hundred GYE members change into program-attendees...but it is certainly not for most of them.

Is he ready for real groups? Only he knows, I guess.

Boruch Hashem, newcomers will be loved but won't be coddled or chased-after in real, live 12 step groups. Probably no one will beg them not to masturbate nor ask them to "please get well!" in a 12 step group. And that is exactly as it needs to be. And by the same token, many there would sell their shoes to help any other addict in or out of the group.

So going to meetings is a bit like 'going to the Mir', for some people. You will get from it what you put in to it. If one is not willing to really make relationships there, there is little they will walk away with. And if they do, then what they will get is far more than any person can ever give them.

Is he ready for something like that, or will he just flounder there? Only he knows, I guess.

The other little caveat for me on this same issue:

We in 12 step groups like to know that only serious people are walking into the rooms.  Our reputations are ultimately protected by G-d, but it is nice to know that minors and other curious onlookers are not coming in. Those types are generally terrified to walk in - which is our best security. People who have no clue what anonymity means are a terror.

Is he ready for something like that? Is he safe for the other people in the rooms? I have no idea. He probably has some idea, himself.

These are some of the things I think about before suggesting the option of meetings to guys who describe they have problems in sex and lust obsession. So I just took the opportunity to share it here with my friends.

I gave up and things were going fine. I would look at what ever I wanted and do what ever I wanted. I was not happy; M never made me happy. It numbs everything and makes all the pain go away for a while. Today I suddenly felt really bad because a good Jew would vomit if they saw what I look at. Its about 1:00 here. I was lying in bed trying to fall asleep and one thought would not stop running through my head. Yaakov called Reuben the first of his strength, or something like that. What he meant was that the first time he had ever released seed was when he begot Reuben. He was so proud of this that he included it in the last words he said.

I surrendered, gave up, quit, etc. Yet the guilt is still there. It was gone for a while, but now it is back. I hate this. When I fight I am in pain, and when I do not fight I am in pain. I just want to pain to stop.

P.S. To everyone who will tell me that Hashem is not looking for perfection, he is looking for progress: I kept track of the length of my streaks for well over a year. When graphed Streak # vs. Streak Length, the equation for the trend line is -0.097x + 48.732 with R = 0.0018. What this means is that the length of my streaks has not changed since I began.

".Your Rabbi always gives you the same advice. "Be happy. The world is good. Just be happy

?Are you following his advice
.Depression is poison 
.Guilt is poison
.There's no way you will see any positive results if you keep beating yourself up

some_guy wrote on 29 Jun 2016 05:18:

for us non-mathematicians can you explain that in more detail?
thanks!