some_guy wrote on 29 May 2012 21:37:


Hey. You may not have the ability right now to be clean for the next month - but you do have a choice in this matter, and that choice is this:

You can keep right on doing the same things you have been doing all along (and we all have done, too): whining, blaming your problem on "the yetzer hora", "humbly" self-pitying, or pridefully assuming Hashem really expects you to be and remain clean from today and on....

Or you can start to do something about it, for real. And it will not be immediate success. Sorry, but learning how to live without this stuff is not the same "immediate success" that your (our) porn and masturbation is. It is a process. And that's where real humility comes in.

And the idea that you do not deserve the help is just whining. It's silly thinking. After 120, G-d will definitely say to you, "Why'd you give up on yourself? I didn't give up on you for a second." We give

By the same token, the idea that you will not spill more sperm again in the near future is silly, too. You will masturbate again, chaver. Contrary to your opinion, Hashem is not a dumbell. He knows this is a process. And yet it is obvious that He wants you to DO SOMETHING. Start - He doesn't expect you to finish today, not even tomorrow. But start something real - not half-hearted, and not perfect - just real.

He loves you even with your zera on your clothes. Yes. Read Tomer Devorah by the RaMa"K. Read the Yom Kippur piyut: though You have millions of supernal and pure malochim singing in perfect unison...You see fit to mechabed Yourself davka through us - through people. People who have intestines filled with excrement (the Paytan's words, not mine). People who screw up (ok, that's my words) and who will obviously keep screwing up at times along the way to getting better.

Let go of the big, dramatic dream. Our all-or-nothing thinking was part of why we had to keep masturbating in the first place. Reading the Torah and sforim the wrong way makes it sound like all-or-nothing is what Hashem wants - the only thing He wants. Gevalt. It is a big, fat, romantic lie. Religious lust fantasy. That is not what the Torah wants from us.

Outgrowing this problem with be a process. It will take time.

Hatzlocha, SomegreatGuy!

- Dov

Thank you for the advice. To answer Eye.nonymous's question, there is not really anything that I am not doing that I could, but it FEELS like there is. Dov, I'm sorry but I don't understand your advice. Could you try explaining it again.

I am not giving you 'advice', per se. Please try reading it again and take your time. I am relating my personal experience. It is a process. Knowing that but remaining self-condemning and impatient is one thing - accepting it and moving on from there is a completely different experience. You will be successful living with Hashem - even if your desires win out sometimes. But you will not likely be successful living with your yetzer hora, even if you cry to G-d constantly.

Many of us report that things started to change when we finally climbed out of the toilet of self-disgust and accepted the fact that Hashem loves us exactly as we are - even masturbating.

That is not the ending point, to say "so I might as well go masturbate to porn again!" - rather, it is the starting point for learning to start growing up. And you will not be perfect on the way there.

Is that any clearer or is it still muddy waters?

I asked, mainly, what is all this help available to you that you are referring to?

The doing or not doing was really parenthetical.

--Elyah

Dov, I think I understand. You're saying that for most people accepting that this is a long, difficult process is the first step to recovery. You are also saying that Hashem loves everyone no matter what they do. I am reading a book on Chasidic thinking that says that a lot. I just don't understand how that can be possible. How can He just forgive me for doing this disgusting, immoral sin. I read in a few book that this sin is the worst one in the torah. I just not good enough to deserve compassion. Like a few days ago. As soon as I got out of bed, even befor washing my hands or using the rest room, I went to my family's computer. I was not able to even slow myself down. How can He just forget about that like it didn't matter.

hi guy,

just checking in.

happy to see you keeping up your posting.

keep at it.

some_guy wrote on 08 Jun 2012 03:56:


Hi,

My name is not Dov, and nobody asked me; but if somebody would have, I would have replied: Maybe Hashem knows you and your limitations better than you know yourself. And Maybe He's more merciful than you could ever imagine. And maybe he loves you much more than you love yourself.

Anyhow chabibi - we all love you as well, and hope for your success.

MT

some_guy wrote on 08 Jun 2012 03:56:


Yes, the battle begins when we open our eyes, and doesn't let up until we drift off to sleep at night.

We need to be very aggressive with our sobriety. Upon awakening, we sit up and say Modeh Ani. Right after that, we can add a tefilla asking Hashem to keep us clean and sober today. Then we need to take charge of our minds.

Once you've been away from the drug for a while, it will get easier. But really away from all forms of the drug.

What in the world does Him forgiving you for this sin have anything to do with Him loving you?

Nothing.

Try to imagine the greatest love that exists on this earth- it's a parable to Hashem's love for you, so that you can better understand Hashem's love for you. All relationships in this world are mosholim for our relationship with the Ribono Shel Olam.
When a child runs across the street, does that minimize the love of the parent for the child? Not in the least. Low grades? Nope. And the parent doesn't even KNOW what goes on in the kid's mind, that he was depressed at his progress and couldn't study. Hashem knows you, he knows how hard it was, and he loves you... If He is disappointed about your failure, he still wants you to succeed, and He is willing to help anytime you reach out. He loves you. Believe it.
And, we at the forum love you too (on a smaller, mortal scale), and want to see you succeed.
B'Ahava,
Meir

Hashem did the first bunch of makkos in order to help Par'oh do teshuvah and stop doing his aveira of holding onto his Jews. Not for the Yidden, but for Par'oh. That's what it says in the Torah. I'm not making this up. Not only did he feed Par'oh and care for him and his household all that time, but He made incredible nissim of the makkos, partially for the sake of caring for Par'oh's Tikkun. He wrote that in His Torah at least three or four times. (Only after Par'oh had his bechirah taken away later on, did Hashem start doing makkos in order to cause pain to Par'oh for another reason that is beyond the scope of this piece).

Are you worse than Par'oh?

No you are not. You are a plain yid in the confused time we are in, who like the rest of us knows practically nothing about Hashem, and is a mess. Nu. Join the club.Membership is free.

And if deep down inside you really do think you are worse than Par'oh to Hashem, then I suggest you have the wrong god, plain and simple. Not Hashem, but something else.

At least I am sure that we here like you more than you like yourself. Nu. You may not have yourself, but at least you have friends!

Thank you. If feels great to think of thing in that way. I just wish that I could stop sinning befor He swiches for trying to help to punishing.

some_guy wrote on 18 Jun 2012 15:00:

No such thing.
Derashos HaRan, Drush Yud

B'Ahava, Meir

I do not mean to insult you at all. I relate 100% to what you write. And from personal experience I can tell you this and mean it 100%:

Your entire punishing fixation is childish and not based on Judaism. How old are you, really?

Sorry, but you have your own religion, and you worship your made-up god of fire and hatred, not the G-d of the Torah.

I just came back for a jewish camp. I was there for a month without internet, cell phones, ect. I couldn't stay clean while I was there, nor the night I got back. I am not going to get depressed over that. I am going to have a all new out-look on this problem. I am going to try being happier, even if I fall. I read the book Let Us Make Man. It is all about low self-estime and judiasm. The first few chapters outline syntoms of a person with low self-estime and I realized I had almost all of them. So now I am going to fight it. I will talk to my theripist regarding this book. I am sure that I can beat this now, it's just a matter of time.