another fall yesterday
another one today, 1 fall was thru the internet, i destroid 60$ total 120$
looking in to "GYE in a nut shell" what I should do
guardyoureyes.com/the-gye-program/initial-evaluation

i am up to the thaphsic nethod here we go:

for the next 5 days (testing small)

i am not swearing... i dont thing it is nececcery

If I have a fall, which is defined by one of the following things:

Either
(a) I intentionally motzi zera livatala (masturbate) while fully awake
or
(b) I intentionally obtain in any way adult sexual material of any sort, digital or printed (including magazines, DVDs, etc.)
or
(c) I intentionally go to any websites or web pages, pictures, videos, chats or forums, for the purpose of viewing adult sexual content (including any type of adult oriented images, drawings, videos, audio, or erotic reading material) and I actually viewed or listened to inappropriate content
or
(d) if I initiate contact with - or respond positively to - any woman other than my wife for a sexually related purpose (including by e-mail, chat, webcams, etc.)
or
(e) if I partake of any illicit sexually oriented services of any kind (including calls to adult phone lines, massages)

Then, if i hear 1 full gye phone conference


within the 90 minutes before my fall, then
within the next 7 days I will take a cold shower with no cold watter, and go for a 30 min brisk walk

If I did not do my distraction in the 90 minutes before my fall, then
within the next 36 hours I will give 1000$ from my savings account to tzedaka


If I had to do [‘Normal Knas'] more than 3 times within 2 days, the shvuah should no longer be binding on me.


If I had to do [‘Heavy Knas'] even once, the shvuah should no longer be binding on me.


If I had a fall without remembering that I made this decision, I will only do the small knas

ether way if i fall thru the internet or if i just go browsing on the internet for no purpose i will destroy 60$,
If I am honestly not sure that I had a fall, or browsed with out a purpose I will not have any KNAS.

Hashem... please help me
Thank you!

As usual with my posts, you will be misled about what my point is, unless you read it through to the end. Hatzlocha!

You are begging Him...but why should He help you at all?

1- I do not see in what way you are doing anything for Him regarding your problem. Each of these concerns and tactics are all about you and your penis, you and your kedusha, you and your punishments. What does any of that have to do with G-d?
Just cuz it hurts and u can call it something Hebrew, does not make it holy, chaver. And anyhow, Holy is not much of a virtue, really. Sfas Emess writes that Hashem asks us not to be k'doshim - but to be "k'doshim leilokeichem".

Now, I am not saying that anyone needs to get clean for G-d's sake at all - but just that acting like you deserve His help because after all you are doing and trying sdo much for Him, is useless pretending and not the way to daven.

2- If you depend so much on these k'nasos, plans, and definitions - it seems simple to me that you are really not depending on Him at all. How do you know you are not just fully depending on these hishtadluyos to save you? If you are, then why in the world would He be inclined to do you a favor and spring you? That'd only bring you farther from Him, cuz you'd be even more sure of your power, then. The fact that you might not be spilling sperm any more is small potatoes compared to that, chaver.

So really, it may be that you are neither doing anything for His sake about this problem - only for yourself; and it may be that you are not even believing in His ability to help you - but just trusting that if only you'd try hard enough you can beat it...or should be able to, so you are not depending on Him. (And saying "No, I am just doing 'hishtadlus' but still trusting Him!," has no teeth. It's just words. You may be trying exactly the same thing you have always tried - just much harder and with much higher stakes, now. That's no change at all, in my book.)

So where exactly is the relationship? Why bother begging Him for help? He does not want you to grovel. Why would He? He doesn't need you at all - He's G-d, for G-d's sake. Is G-d just our Superman, coming to 'save us' from our problems like a cosmic, invisible butler? OR is He the one who gives us the challenges in the first place, so that we may learn from it how to have a relationship with Him?
I believe it is the latter, not the former.

But if you - like many other yidden and goyim - believe in a superhero janitor-type god, I have nothing to say further about it except that I don't know why you'd want to pray to it...nu - but it sounds 'contrite' and 'frum', so I guess it's a nechoma and makes a person feel like they really are good and really are trying. But the nechoma does not help one get clean, I guess. Reality works best, not fantasy.

When your god drops dead, I figure you may have a chance to get better, be"H, one day at a time....but that'l require a few changes.

Hope you take wjhat I wrote positively (if you take it at all).

So what's your motivation? Are you doing this for G-d, or for yourself?

Personally, I'd never have gotten sober for G-d. Never. I tried for years and years cuz I have a holy Neshomah, too. Like you. Sof davar, I could only get sober for myself. To keep my life rather than lose it ignobly. So I am not suggesting you ought to be doing this for Hashem. Not at all. All I am saying is be honest about what's really motivating you and what you really want it for. Then go that way with real steps that matter. New steps. Constructive steps. Actions that others with similar motivation as you have, used for success.

That's all. Hope we are 'still' friends and you can use this stuff. And if I am all wrong about you, let me know. It would be the first time. It's OK.

- Dov

You are begging Him...but why should He help you at all?
because he likes me

1- I do not see in what way you are doing anything for Him regarding your problem. Each of these concerns and tactics are all about you and your penis, you and your kedusha, you and your punishments. What does any of that have to do with G-d?
i beleve that god is happy that i try to be holy, as he asked us in the toroh kedoshim tihu

If you depend so much on these k'nasos, plans, and definitions - it seems simple to me that you are really not depending on Him at all.
i do depend on him and beleve that he want me to do that

I beleve that i am doing it for god and myself

i understand you are saying if it motivates me not to sin if i know it is not good for me i should take steps about this motivation.

yes it is a good point, thank you!
for now i am taking 1 step at a time, so i did the thaphsic method

extending this thaphsic method till next thursday

I think you completely missed the point I was trying to make, gyegye2, by just giving prepackaged answers to the questions. If you really were doing this out of a deep concern for kedushas habris or the Torah hak'dosha, then you would not be needing to tear up money to stop. Stopping so that you do not tear up or throw away money, is using pain to make you stop - because Hashem and His Torah do not make you stop. You are just finding a selfish motivation that works. And you say you are doing it out of faith in Him and His love for you?

I believe what you wrote is 100% true: He does love you, gyegye2, no matter what you do, and there is nothing you can possibly do to make Hashem stop loving you and doing everything He can for your good. And also, I believe that the Torah hakedosha is kedai to suffer for, to tear up money for, whatever.

But none of those beliefs ever stopped me from using szex videos and having sex with myself as you are doing. I did those things anyway. And I assume you are, too.

Hey, lots of people have a yetzer hora, you know, and Chaza"l were certainly not wasting their breath talking about "ma ya'aseh haben v'lo yecheto?," and Reishis Cochma was certainly written for someone! - But if you really do have a chronic problem with this for years and years and have tried all that already and it does not work, then I do not accept that what Hashem wants from you is just good short-term tricks for a lifetime. It's trashy, painful, and lonely way to live (and does not work, anyhow). I don't buy it. I would better see it as just a nice, frum-sounding excuse for not facing the real problem and accepting the work that is really needed in order to eventually come to true avodas Hashem. You can hang it on Hashem, but I would then believe it is what you want to do, period. And calling it "kedoshim tihyu" because you lemayseh see less sperm on your floor today, does not make it so. It's just technically kedusha...but it's really just les tum'ah. But they are not the same, at all. Anyway, Kedusha is in you about your heart, not just about how clean your floor is.

People here have been posting to you things from the start because they saw your short-term tricks are not 'taking things one step at a time', but just running for another day. And it has not woirked well yet, has it?

If that's what you want, fine. But if - if - c"v you do not succeed, I hope you can have faith that Hashem really does want you to be His own and for you to be clean somehow - and that He sees your problem not as a kedusha issue at all, but as a mental and emotional illness that needs hard work and real, long term action - not just 'the daily trick' to be 'ggod'. We may be fooled to keep running into a brick wall, but Hashem is no fool.

Hatzlocha!

Love (I mean it),

Dov

today i contacted the filter company to advise them about a site that needs to be blpcked and they blocked it

extending this thaphsic method till next week thursday

i see you think that i am doing wrong now, ok
what method did you use that helped you long term?

When you wrote "I fell," what do you mean, specifically? What did you do? This is a very simple question....maybe hard to answer, but very simple.

Has this been a habit of yours for years, now, or not? Doing exactly what?

Have you been a success at this yourself and insist on keeping on trying you...or you think you need help but just insist on hiding behind a fake name on this (only virtual) forum (and not even telling them exactly what behaviors you are doing)?

Gevalt. Ripping up $100 is nothing compared to being honest with another real person. And to another addict there is no shame! It's not the shame that is the pain - it is the terror and pain of JUST BEING HONEST. We can't take it! The frummer we are, the bigger liars we are when it comes to the sex escapades. Because we need to get even better at hiding even more shameful evil stuff.

Gevalt. What do you want, dear chaver?

I dont want to think back now after about 2-3 weeks clean what my sin was

it is a habit of about 5 years, but it the consistentsy is about 1 year old (now B"h i am getting better)

I am getting better by following the GYE nutshel program... I dont see for neccesary now to write my name now... you can imagine why

i understand that the long term trick is to speak openly with other addicts, Sounds good... but in my situation, why bother if the thaphsic method works so far?
Thank you

Hey...if you believe you are doing better and getting better and it's OK for you, then it's certainly A-OK for me! It's just that I was wrong, that's all. I read "I fell again" in your messages, and assumed you were dissatisfied with how things were going and looking for a better way.

But it is not the first time I have been wrong.

Continued hatzlocha my friend!!

thank you Dov for your help and support

i am extending my thaphsic methid till next week thursday

yesterday i bought a reward for being 30 days cleanbushing it off already a few month

That is geshmak! It feels so much better to just be 'ok', for a change. It's ok to be just 'ok'...no need to be a groiseh gedilleh any more. Clean is good by itself and worth it. Wow, chaver. Ashreinu!