Hi
I wanted some chizuk, why is this problem and the desire worsened since i made the conscious effort to join here
I got to 45 days then after that a few weeks but now i feel despite reading the material and exercising, i am feeling worse than ever and like a walking disaster waiting to happen, i can get to 7 days but they arent 7 good days, they r just delaying the inevitable... i have read everything, 12 steps, the books and deep down i think its just a huge emotional charachter flaw and masking a kind of boredom and emotional immaturity....i know why its happening but now how i can change it, yes i go through good periods, i know its wrong i listen to stuff but i cant get into the right zone consistently.

Also, I am looking for a sponsor and havent found one via the new link, my first sponsor disappeared and now no one is accepting my requests...id really like to speak to a sponsor once a day or every few days via email as i am getting nowhere at the moment

newstart wrote on 08 May 2012 20:08:


To know,
and to not do,
is not to know.

It's great that you want to be free of this. You've put the time in reading, and expect to see results. I don't know why things are worse. Perhaps it's because although you've read the material, you haven't taken enough action.

Sobriety requires ongoing action. Lifelong, but one day at a time. What actions have you committed to?

well, actually have had my best 2 days since then because ive decided i need to jump into it whole heartedly
listen to the audio on this site, a shiur on way to work and back again and at lunch time, trying desparately not to look in the street.

It is so bad for me at moment that i must try so hard to avoid any trigger- when I was driving I caught a glimpse of a womans cheek, i didnt even see her whole face and that almost set me off,
I have also read properly more of the Guard Your eyes stuff and written a list of why i dont want to sin to read every day.
plus, i made a neder for first time ever to fine myself the sum of 18 if i am ayver again
I will tell you my biggest problem, its the same as most people, wanting everything and wanting it now- its an emotional immaturity I have to seek pleasure if I am bored or frustrated to "change" the picture in my head.

I know what you're talking about
I had the same difficulty. I wrote it off as the yetzer hara trying to break my resolve by re-doubling his efforts.
It's not easy. Just take it one day at a time - they say.