my problem is that as soon as i lie in bed and cant fall asleep i turn on my side onto the blanket and be m.z.l.... AND IT HAPPENS EVERY NIGHT AND I JUST CANT STOP .BEEN LIKE THIS FOR 3 YEARS AND IS BECOMING WOSE -MORE CONSTANT AND I CANT AVOID MY BED...ANY SUGGESTIONS????

Welcome. What have you tried so far? Have you read the GYE handbook?

we;; i did read the handbook....like i scanned through it but theproblem is that its impulsive and even if i say that if i do it ill give money to tzedoka i still do it anyway and ive lost money and my confidence to carry on fighting.....

It sounds like you have an addiction. I can't tell you what to do, but many people in your situation have found that since they're addicted, they can't stop on their own. Does that resonate with you?
Addicted people do get help though through 12 step programs. I would suggest trying one of those. If you're not ready for that, a good frum psychologist can offer some help.

Agree.
And if you're addicted, you need complete abstinence from your drug (lust) in order to get sober. The way to cut off your supply of the drug is aggressive shmiras eynayim, and guarding your mind against fantasies (as I mentioned in your other thread).
You may also try getting up earlier, so you're really ready to sleep when you hit the bed at night.

well im not interested in getting involved with time consuming things like 12 steps. im in yeshiva and ive messed myself over agai .im just totally screwed...i cant stand living with these desires and i cant live w.o. them ...im not interested in living and struggling all the time
btw does the fact that recently i had a4 day clean break mean im not really addicted?
whats the difference btw addiction and a non addiction and what are the differences in ramification????

My friend, I understand.
I wish I wasn't this way either.
But I've admitted that I'm an addict. I am. So I might as well be honest with myself.

I can also relate to not wanting to make such a huge deal about this. Y'know, dealing with so many steps. But I've already told you all you need to do to break free [admit that you are powerless over lust and therefore your only hope is to avoid it, guard your eyes, guard your mind, daven--turning the battle over to Hashem]. It's basically just the first 3 steps. Once you are sober, you can decide if you want to take your recovery further.

Now regarding not wanting to struggle. You're going to struggle either way. You can keep doing what you're doing, and feeling miserable, and moving further into the abyss of addiction, away from reality, away from Hashem, away from people, family.
Or, you can accept the challenge of doing something that works. In the beginning, it will be a major effort. In the end, you will be happy and free.
But right now, your addict doesn't want to hear about anything that stops him from getting his fix.
Who will win? You or he?

but can you explain why those 3 steps help???
(i sort of like to understand how things work-not that i wont try anyway)

Hashgocha protis! A member just posted Torah sources for the first 3 steps. Shabbos reading.

www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=5273.msg136020#msg136020

i dont get what to do with the steps i thought them over in my head when i had a lust attack and i just went ahead and was mzl.

im starting yeshiva on monday and i'm completely stuck. i feel totally sick of myself,life.im withdrawing into myseld and i feel like im never going to stop .i cant even get one day clean. if 12 hours.

i dont want to live.im stuck in life.cant get off and wish i wasnt here in the first place.
every day i wake after doing it the night b4 i dont have the willpower to carry on.

please answer and answer clearly dont just throw words EXPLAIN.
i feel siiick..........

My friend, we are with you in your struggle. I have been exactly where you are, except I didn't know what was wrong with me, so I stayed there for decades until I found this site.

In your other thread, I gave you the simple eitzos that I used to break free. Thinking them through in your head isn't enough, though. You need to at least speak them out. Ideally, you write them out also.

Make breaking free from this addiction your number 1 priority. Be very aggressive and proactive. First thing in the morning, right after Modeh Ani, ask Hashem in your own words to help you stay clean today.

You are dealing with a very well-armed and skilled opponent. Take him seriously and give him the respect he deserves. Daven for syata d'shmaya constantly. Don't give up. If you don't understand the tefilah I suggested, say it anyway. Don't think it. Say it. Every single time an intrusive thought comes. Even if it's a thousand times a day. Hashem's intervention is your only hope. Whenever lust comes knocking, in any form, you get davening.

Surrendering your lust to Hashem means you are willing to give up this pleasure. You want Hashem to take it away. Not your appropriate sexuality, just your lust. They're two different things. If you don't fully understand, that's OK. It's difficult to understand when you're in active addiction. Go through the motions. Say the words. Write them down. Keep at it. Be willing to give up lust. I know you want to. Because it's killing you.

Hatzlocha!
Alex

Hi,
Ill have to be breif. Im in a rush. But i saw your post and could hold myself back. Ah. Your words could have been mine a few months ago. Yeshiva was the worst for me. I would have such highs, learn, daven, etc. And i would come to my bed and.................. I remember even when i was a choson i would lie on my bed and m***** while talking to my calla on the phone... :-[. I felt that I was on some kind of terrible horrifying roller coaster, run by some evil monster who would make me feel as though I am finally rising up above everything and then he would slam me down, down, down, into the dark recesses of this addiction. I got married, etc, and thought everything would changed. For some time it did, but it did not last. Slowly, but surely I saw myself returning to my filth. And deeper than before. I couldnt belive it. I came out every now and then but, like before, a rollercoaster. On my way down, though, i found GYE. I too, found that at first nothing was helping. And it was all a waste of time. 81 days ago, after already being familiar with GYE for a few months, I finally picked up the phone and called someone in recovery for about 4 years. We spoke for about 15 minutes. Since then, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, sometimes even just 30 seconds at a time, I am clean. And its avoida. 12 steps/GYE are not just some magic wand to be waved around, and this addiction is not just some piece of dirt that merely requires an extra strong washing detergent. We have a spritual cancer that requires a lifetime of work to help us. But dont get disheartened, the avoida needed to 'cure' us (if we could ever truly be defined as 'cured') actually makes us into a human being. And a proper Jew.

And as for not enough time, know that this is what Hashem wants from you. And Hashem only asks for what He knows we can do (Midrash). And He only gives us nisyonos that He knows we can overcome. Dont worry, trust in Hashem and He will show you the way. But dont expect immediate results

Another thing....you say you dont do anything unless you understand it. When a doctor gives you a pill, do you disagree to take it until you understand how it cures you? Before you put on tefillin, did you understand what they do? etc etc.
Its a mitzvas ase to pray to Hashem when in need (Rambam). And boy, are we in need. Thats just the beginning of GYE program and 12 steps.
Hotzlocho robbo umuflaga.
Dont wait around!

FELL AGAIN. LIFE IS HELL FOR A NESHAMA THE WAY ITS GOING
HELP???

But you should know that you are on the up....There is a vital difference between the way you used to fall and the way you fall now. Now you open up and tell us on the forum. This, my friend, is the beginning of recovery.

My friend it's all in the mind. You can stop in an instant if you want to. The road to recovery just begins with the thought I am going to break free no matter how hard and painful and long it takes. And it will be long and hard but it's worth it. We usually refuse to give up because we haven't accepted that hard work, dedication and pain will be involved. BUT the pain of recovery is far better than the pain of addiction. You have felt it already. NO PAIN NO GAIN. Hard work is the easiest way out in the long run.

Believe that you can do it. Know that you can do it. (Read the handbooks, daily Chizuk e-mails and look at all the other guys who've done it.) God never tests a soul beyond it's strength. He gave you this challenge knowing that you have the power to overcome this hurdle. Just say no the urge even if you have to stay up all night. Play a video game, post on the forum, watch TV, do work, go to the kitchen and eat, anything other than masturbate. With just one night clean you will gain confidence and know that you can do it.

Practical suggestions:

1.) Build exercise into your daily routine - helps you relax and deal with stress and being a bit tired helps you to fall asleep more easily. Also, try and get into the fresh air and catch some sun (produces some chemical which helps you fall asleep).

2.) Listen to some soothing music/drink some milk before you go to bed/read a boring book.

3.) Scan the Zohar. This is a good site: dailyzohar.com/. The webmaster is also a very helpful, kind and wise man. Ask him for help and advice too if you want to.

4.) If none of the above help then try more extreme measures: put a box of matches next to your bed. If you start masturbating then burn your hand.

5.) I used to put a pen knife next to my bed and poked my hand everytime I started being naughty.

Also, masturbation leads to insomnia (I know from experience and from Traditinonal Chinese medicine) so it's just a vicious circle. Break the circle, smash the Klipah and set yourself free!!!

We are cheering you on lol :D

Good LUCK!!!

DL