I feel really stupid posting this question but it has been bothering me for sometime. I will probably get punished for asking. Why does Hashem put us into situations that we feel we have no control over? I try so hard not to think of thoughts that might arouse me yet i get teased when I catch a glimpse on a trigger. It takes all my strength to control myself not to act upon that glimpse. It happens many times.

Then I start asking why am I being put into such a situation at such a vulnerable time.

Peasch has just passed. We thank Hashem for taking us out of galos Mitzrayim, but why were we put there in the first place. Yes we were in the Mem Tes Sharei Timah and needed his help but we were put into this situation by force.

I know I shouldn't ask such questions and need help with this. But maybe if I understand, It would make my nisyonis easier to BEAR.

Just because you've made a commitment to recovery and avoiding triggers (which is amazing -- keep on), do you expect the whole world to suddenly change? Should all women suddenly dress tznius. Should the tznius ones who are triggers anyway now take different routes to avoid you?

OK. You're right. Hashem is in control of everything. So if you see something, He orchestrated it. He wants you to continue to grow. He wants you to exercise your personal-kedusha muscles. He knows you can do it. Otherwise you might become complacent.

You're struggling mightily. It will get easier. Stay good.

first of all to ask the question is totally legitamite (as long as one is asking from a need for an answer(which i have no doubt you are) and not for the sake of the question)

hashem puts us in nisyonos. but only in nisyonos that we can actually overcome, yet if we feel as if we cant overcome then the nisayon is greater than one which we feel we can overcome. yet at the end of the day only a nisayon that we can really pass is a nisayon and anything else isnt (if so why we have nisyonos is a good question which the meforshim speak about in Sefer Breishis by Avraham)
the feeling of helplessness during a nisayon is what makes it a nisayon (when you know you are being tested and know and feel that you can succeed it is less of a nisayon making that feeling of helplessness an integral part of the nisayon)

Because you mentioned yetzias mitzrayim I'll start from there.
Rav Zev Leff gives a great mashal (btw if he can ask the question youre in good company)
imagine an orthopedic doctor who out of the blue runs over to some guy on the street and bashes his kneecaps with a crowbar, then says "have no fear! I'm a doctor! I'll take care of it and fix you up like new at no charge!" Great doctor huh? Would the victim say thanks to him after months and months of taking care of him "at no charge"? of course not! who asked you to break them in the first place?
Now take the same scenario with one difference. The doctor says "I noticed by the way that you were walking that you have a very rare disease that had you walked one more step you would have been paralyzed for life!" "I had to act swiftly and by breaking your legs I can reset them properly and you'll be able to walk properly for the rest of your life!"
Now does the doctor deserve a thank you? Of course!
In the same vein HKBH saw something in Klal Yisrael that was detrimental to our existence, maybe sinas achim maybe something else, G-d only knows (thats true :) but it needed to be fixed and mitzrayim was the only way to do it, and we came out perfected and ready to be molded into proper jews for eternity.
Until now I never applied this idea to our situation, but thanks to your question I think we can say it here as well. There is something in this area that needs to be fixed in each one of us. Something that HKBH knows can only be fixed by our suffering thru the difficulty, by overcoming the urges etc... He's making us better by putting us thru this process. I think the nesivos shalom discusses how there are special things hidden in our neshomos that HKBH wants us to bring out by perfecting ourselves in this area specifically. I dont have the exact quote in front of me now, perhaps I'll be able to find it in the near future.
Thank you for your question!

Thank you Gesher Tzar Meod for those inspiring words, it really does make sense! I believe and hope now, that this answer will give me cause to continue the constant battle!

Thanks Gesher
I have heard that vort before, but never thought to apply it to our struggle.
I know that I really had little control over becoming an addict in the first place. I know Hashem put me into this for a reason. Now you have added some insight into what that reason may be.
Thanks for the question, NYS

Gesher wrote on 16 Apr 2012 21:27:


Gesher,
I disagree slightly with the nimshal. One could ask: Hashem had the ability to take away the rare disease in the first place, eliminating the necesity to 'break the legs', and 'heal them'. Now the mashal sounds like a doctor who implanted a rare disease in someone, waited until the last minute before this rare disease would paralyse, broke his legs so he could heal him...?

I prefer other explanations such as the one brought in Tanya, as follows:
There are some people will all their lives have a struggle with the yetzer horo. Every waking hour, they will need to always make sure that every thought, word and action is according to Hashem's will, despite their inner (evil) inclination to constantly do otherwise. The Baal haTanya asks, what is the point of their constant war, when they never really succeed? The answer is, that this is the purpose of their creation, and it gives Hashem tremendous nachas, when this person is constantly fulfilling the mitzva of 'velo tasuru acharei levavchem veacharai eyneychem asher atem zonim acharayhem'. This also fulfils the purpose for creating the world, to make this lowly world into a dwelling place for Hashem (Midrash Tanchuma). Hashem made lowly people like us, addicted to lust, because He desires that really lowly beings become a house for Him, where He can abide. When we succeed in our battle (even though the battle is constant. and success is not getting rid of our bad desires, but thinking speaking and acting only good) then we become a house for Hashem where He can live.

I have to think a little how that would relate to the mashal you quoted...

I highly doubt that you will get "punished for asking" this question. The real question is what's the true motivation for asking it. If its a deep down desire to find an excuse why you don't have to get sober (along the lines of you see Hashem really doesn't want me sober look how many obstacles He's putting in my way). I would say it is not a beneficial question to be asking since no answer will truly satisfy you.
At the same time if you recognise that you really need to get sober because your life is out of control then does it really matter what the answer is. Although I would probably say its probably not a good way to get sober by thinking that Hashem has to answer to you.
If you are simply looking to make your nisyanos "easier to bear." Then take comfort with the fact that the creator of the entire universe was benevolent enough to give little you another day of life (which without knowing you I can't say for certain but I imagine it includes a long list of wonderful things like the ability to see even though you may have used your eyes in the past to violate His will).
Finally, to the extent you have some intellectual need to know why, I would say defer the question until you have 6 months of sobriety. You'll be glad you did.

some insight that I just received in my chizuk email.
in case you're still listening (reading)

There can only be Yaakov if there's Esav.
Sent by "IloveHashem"

I just wanted to share something that I heard in name of R' Yerucham. It says that Rivka went to Beis Shem ve'Eiver to ask about her difficult pregnancy. They told her that she was going to have two entirely different types of children. The meforshim understand that after she was told that, she was comforted. The question is, once she knew she was about to bring one of the most wicked people into the world, why on earth was she comforted? R' Yerucham explains that she was told a Yesod: one can only grow from having a bad side too. There can only be a Yaakov if there is also an a Eisav.

And in order to become klal yisroel and develop into the generation that would get the Torah, they had to be in Mitzrayim, one of the most impure places in the world. We find that only one mamzer was born during that entire period, and that was by force. It was through the merit of upholding Kedusha davka in the most impure place on Earth, that made us worthy of becoming "The Chosen Nation".

Those who struggle with lust have special souls that were put in this world of today, the most impure period in history, to purify ourselves and become one of the greatest people of all time.

Step by step...
Just to add to what everyone else is saying here...

1st Perek Mesilas Yeshorim: We are here in this world to receive the ultimate pleasure. However, we would not appreciate it if we did not earn it first. We are put in this world to earn it.

Every person gets his own individual tests- this is in order to make every person's Olam Haba different then everyone else's. (Heard somewhere)

Rabbi Tatz: A person needs to have a relatively good idea of what is his own fault, and what is Hashem setting up his individual test (meaning, beyond his control and bechira). Bechira is a person being put in a test where his good character and bad character are equally fighting- he must CHOOSE correctly. In any situation that his good or bad side is stronger, that is not strictly bechira, if he fails his liability is much less, and if he passes his reward is less (UNLESS his passing is due to his own work at some earlier stage- the schar remains the same even though the effort is less!).

Also Rabbi Tatz: Just like a muscle only grows when it is being strained, so too our spiritual muscles only grow when strained.

Hashem, who loves us all, wants to enable us to be constantly growing, so He will throw challenges at us to help us along. We can get out of this by creating our own strain, stretching our own limits.(Rabeinu Yona)

And this summarizes my own motivations for doing the right thing in life. It is VERY self-centered, but I don't care so long as it works. Most of the time. When I remember to remind myself.

Hatzlacha!
Meir

WHy is there so much shmutz out there? Why is the world so filled with evil?

Why is avoiding it so difficult?

Why would Hashem create such a world?

For one simple reason: He loves Teshuvah, and is waiting for yours and mine every moment of every day.

Birah

Guys (or should I say Gye's ?) shkoach for the answers (it wasnt my question, but i had great hanoe from the answers).

Gesher, are you sure that jener child was a mamzer?

I feel the same and have been going around with these questions for a long time. I've come to realise that as long as I need the answers I'm not going to get sober I'm learning with the 12 step program to accept Hashem will and trust that He knows whats good for us and this includes giving us tests that are immposible. We see in parshas vayeshev that Yehudah had an afair with a zonah and we dont find that he was punished for it see Or hachaim hakodosh that he was an oines the same is with us. Hashem just expects us to keep trying and to not ignore the problem. He does not expect us not to fall.

RT wrote on 16 Jul 2012 14:03:


huh?
please explain.

well, you said that in matzraym there was born just one mamzer. as i understand (i might be completely wrong) you mean the one fellow who was "mevarech" shem haShem (ben ish mitzri). if i am not mistaken, child of a jewish lady (married) and a goy is not a mamzer. lemaase i am not sure about this, that why i was askening. please zay mevarer

hatzlocho ^^