I came to this forum thinking "I just had a little problem looking at the women on the street." P*rn and M*sturbation, as far as I could tell, was very infrequent, though a struggle.
Then, I realized I couldn't add up to 7 days on the 90-day chart. Through involvement in the forum, I learned more about this addiction, got a new perspective, and managed to have longer and longer clean streaks.
I, too, once I installed the filter I fell more often (and worse) then before. There is some sort of psychological game we play on ourselves. Either it's that BEAT THE FILTER game, a new dimension of intrigue. Or, "Well, if it get's past the filter, it must be okay!"
My falls have lead to my recovery--without them I would not have realized how sick I was and how much I needed help. At each fall I looked back and said, "What was missing?" I turned up my recovery another notch, and moved forward.
From the forum I joined Duvid Chaim's phone conferences, and eventually joined live SA groups (that's Sexaholics Anonymous, in case you didn't know yet). I now have a very strong support group for recovery, and am taking actions for recovery every day (I hope).
Today I am 9 months and 1 day clean. But, more importantly, I am overall in an entirely different place in life. If I had not made the most of my falls--learned something from them and moved on, I would still probably be falling a couple of times each week, and I would still be overall incapable of coping with life.
--Elyah
