my humility: I did really well. 40 or so days without caving. Then I started "sipping", again. Then I took a drink last night. I only fell with my eyes, BH, but I still fell. My own ideas were not working. My own understandings were not working. I need to work something. I went to a lecture last night by Rabbi Twerski on addiction. I have an email in to him to see if I should focus on OCD (just started therapy for that), P/M or both simultaneously, but I give up the decision. I am not ready to attend in person meetings, nor ever may be, at least not S/A. It's too much stigma and embarassment, plus my problem, however much an addiction and below where I need to be, is no where near as bad as anyone there (or maybe I'm still rationalizing). But I am ready to open up to someone, and post honestly, at least here. P;shtus is though, I need to cut the crap and stop, and it's become clear that I cant do that on my own. So whatever it will be will be, but I need to do something and get over this.
I came to a realization last night: I'm not on this world to waste time. If I want to waste time, I can do it while I sleep. when I'm awake I need to take life a more seriously. that means not corrupting myself with this tumah, not my eyes, not my heart, not my organ, and not my mind. Any suggestions on places to start? anyone willing to make a kesher to chat periodically about recovery? I'm going to try invest more this time,
