mayim,
your question is awesome.
chaimyakov and GZM are right on the mark too, imho.
i would add two ideas.
one is to learn Bilvavi Mishkan Evneh (vol. 1). second would be to check out Where Earth and Heaven Kiss by Rabbi Ozer Bergman.
ZemirosShabbos wrote on 26 Sep 2011 16:11:
In the first chelek of Bilvavi Mishkan Evneh he brings a vort from Rav Povarsky from Ponovezh. Chazal say that even reshoim are melayim mitzvos kerimon. even sinners are full of miztvos like a pomegranate. Why are they called sinners if they have so many mitzvos?
He answers, a pomegranate is unique in that it has many seeds and the edible flesh surrounds each seed individually. different than an apple which is a unit of mostly edible flesh with a small area with seeds. so too, the reshoim DO a lot of mitzvos, they may even learn and daven, put on tefilin, tzitzis, shofar lulav etc., but they are all individual acts and not part of a concerted effort and enterprise. Torah and mitzvos are meant to all lead to the RBSO. they are all details of a master-plan. not individual acts that may done by rote. so even if the outer trappings are all there, the heart, the relationship is missing.