goodkid wrote on 22 Feb 2012 04:44:

First of all you don't want it. So if you give up- Let go, and let G-d. He will help you achieve what you want.

Yes, you're still battling your Y"H.  You're not giving in the the taivos.  But the approach is different.  We verbally admit that we are powerless over lust and that life has become unmanageable.  We further admit that only Hashem can restore us to sanity.  We turn our lust over to Hashem.  This means we surrender our lust.  We ask Hashem to take THE LUST ITSELF.

For example.  I suddenly get the urge to act out -- look where I shouldn't, entertain a fantasy, or worse.  I get busy asking hashem to take THIS WHOLE DESIRE, this lust.  Not to help me through it despite my lust.  Because that would mean that I'm holding on to my lust and just fighting this temptation.  Rather, I'm surrendering the lust itself.  I'm ready to stop lusting.

Read it again slowly.

It's OK if you don't fully understand it.  Just say it a few (thousand) times and it will start to make sense.

(Note: this does not in any way mean you're giving up appropriate physical attraction and arousal with your wife.  That's not lust.)

Hello again. I just want to relate my experience that took place this weekend. For a while I knew that two females where going to be spending Shabbos in my house. They had been subjects of my fantasies numerous times. As of Shabbos I was three weeks clean ( My first three weeks with GYE). This time I was determined not to give in to my Yetzer Hara. The problem was, they were coming from Thursday through Sunday. I was petrified! I tried thinking of ways to get out of hosting them, but nothing doing. To make matters worse, my wife was a Niddah which in itself was draining all my self control.
Here's what Happened. I did some extra reading on the GYE site and realized that the goal here wasn't to fight. Working with different ideas from the handbook, I created a strategy - a game plan for how I was going to deal with the situation at hand. I realized that I can't just run away from my problem because it will follow me wherever I go. I also internalized what I already knew that there was no real pleasure to be gained by letting my mind wander. I davened to Hashem to do the fighting for me because this isn't something that I can handle on my own.
The results were amazing! They came, they went and nothing happened in between. I stayed calm and just brushed away all the junk that kept on trying to make its way into my head. I never took the Yetzer Hara head on, always brushing him away. (Like someone who is doing everything in his control to avoid a confrontation with a bully who will knock him out the second he has an opportunity.) It turns out they are regular people after all.
I hope that Hashem will help me through the Nisyonos to come, because he clearly has a better handle on the Yetzer Hara than I do.

Wow! So good to hear!
Sounds like you're on the road to recovery.
On quick word of caution:  never get complacent.  Never think you've got this thing beaten and can let down your guard.  Keep avoiding lust.  Forever.  One day at a time.

Good Kid, you the man!
When we plan ahead and go in prepared, it's all a thousand times easier,  not just because we know what wer'e up against, but also since wer'e in a mode and mood of "I"m in control of myself" and not "Myself is in control of me".

goodkid, you are my hero!
i use to work in a shop were i had to serve women all day long
asking them what they need, bringing out samples, they tried it on, changed it discussed it until they were satisfied
at the beginning when a fantasized figure came in i use to go in the back room from time to time and m**********
later i realised that they are all plain people who want to be served
it all stopped, as i realised that there is no fighting, there is rather a balloon busting issue
of course i still had some falls here and there

Yasher koach, goodkid! Big chizuk for me to have read about your latest victory.
Thanks for sharing that and for keeping it honest.
I would only recomend that you add a "fence" to your arsenal of tools.
For example, make a firm decision to do a certain activity before you fall (call your mother, walk the dog, learn seder Kodashim). And the second part of the fence, is a rather harsh consequence that you agree to do if you fall without doing this activity first. It helped me a lot, especially when I was going into a triggering situation.
Hatzlocho,
Mottel

Hello Goodkid,

You are doing really well.

Avoiding, distraction is a good tactic.

I'll share a little bit about my own recovery--I think you'll find it helpful:

At first I thought the problem was looking at p*rn, and m*sturbation; I was trying not do do these things, but I fell often.

Then, I learned to keep an eye out for those things that lead to m*sturbation.  At first I noticed those actions--if I sleep a certain way, I'm sure to end up acting out.

After a while, I noticed that the slippery slope really started much earlier--I was feeling restless, irritable, and discontent about something in life.  More specifically, I was angry for what someone did to me, or afraid of what might happen in the future.

These ill feelings could last for days or weeks but, eventually (and inevitably) I'd act out in order to feel relief from them.

That is, until I moved along in recovery.  I learned new and healthy ways to deal with these feelings, and to deal with the difficulties of life. 

So, I still struggle, but I'm fighting with these subtle feelings and learning to let go of them--and (usually) LONG before acting out is anywhere in sight.

On another note, I was wondering about the insomnia you mentioned.  Knowing nothing about you and being totally ignorant, I would just throw out an idea--perhaps the problem isn't falling to sleep so much as it is in not having a regular sleep schedule.  Or, perhaps you are eating something before bed-time which makes it hard to fall asleep.  There could really just be some simple factor contributing to the problem  (I was having trouble falling asleep for a while when I noticed that if I drink coffee past 4 in the afternoon, the caffein is still in my system keeping me awake well into the night).

Also, about not fighting this addiction.  I have found that it's not something that can be explained or even makes sense.  It's sort of like trying to explain to the uninitiated the benefits of learning Gemara.  You just have to do it, and then you'll see.  So, just give it a try and see what happens (it doesn't cost anything).  Turn to G-d for help, "Please G-d, take this lust away from me!" Or, "Please, G-d, whatever I am looking for in this woman, please help me to find it in You instead!"

Lots of luck,

--Elyah