I Figured I will post this in case it can help someone else.

I have been using the the 12 steps (maybe not fully - but the ideas) for quite quite a while. B"h I have been sober for some time now. However, Sometime along the line while using the 12 steps I realized I don't really believe truly in to the powerless thing. So that was a hard thing to teach myself. I kept on saying ok - I am powerless, but couldn't understand how Dov or someone else in real recovery can say that he is.. does he really feel that way?

OK - So over the past few months I have hit a unbelievable low in financial trouble and went crazy. Did not know were to turn or where to run... It went on for some days.. Until I realized, and was guided to the Chovos Halvavos and other Emuna sources. Once spending lots of time focusing on them and my situation I finally realized The real meaning of powerlessness. It was a real eye opener - I felt totally handicap with out Hkb"h and couldn't move, think or do I felt powerless. every thing lookd and felt like impossible. But as soon as I realized and learned that there is a power grater then my self that can help.... Hkb"h (i know we all believe we know it) All of a sudden  I was able to move on to places I couldn't before.

So back to GYE- I finally was able to understand the meaning of powerlessness without hkb'h and only he can restore us to sanity.