Hello to all. Thank you for so much chizuk over the last few days. I am 22 years old, and I have been addicted to masturbation and pornography for over ten years now. Sure I have had many tried and failed attempts in the past, but I hoping that this is it; this is the end.

The longest stretch I can remember staying clean for was two years ago for 39 days in summer camp, but after visiting day I was gone. I always believed that I just was not strong enough, and that is the reason I kept falling, but I am trying to gain a new prospective. Last week I was browsing the internet (before I get my party started) to check out the day's news, weather, etc. I found the link on yeshiva world news and I could not believe what I saw. I saw eirlich frum men and women coming here with the same or similar problem that I have been battling for so long. I soon discovered the 12 steps and the attitude book and all the posts that others have submitted. I laughed, I cried, I could not believe how well people were able to describe the feelings that they were experiencing, and they all to often brought back so many situations that I have been in. I kept yelling "stop yelling at me" or "how do you know me so well?", and they were so inspiring to read. I break out in tears all to quickly when I hear a fellow jew has fallen, and evan more when he finds the strength to fight his y''h. I hope I am up to this, and I know it will be tough. I am up to day five, and hoping to break my 39 day streak which will come out during the yom nuriyem. I continue to worry as last night was very difficult for me, but I remain resolved to fight this to the end.

Dear Israel,

A royal welcome!  Please stay with us and grow with us!

Israel,

We're right there with you...Lets do it!!

Wow, this is so much harder than I had imagined. I am going CRAZY! I feel like I need to get some reliefe to stop thinking about it and move on, but I refuse to give in to the y''h. I must get out of the house, but I will be back home latter. I hope I can withstand this great test. Anybody have any incite to do when I am fully aware that it is wrong but I just need to... I just feel like I will explode. I keep thinking I am only five days in, I can always start again tommorow. Please, any advice?? I will be back latter to read.

Dear Israel,

Welcome to our community! Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up, up, up!

You are experiencing withdrawal. Giving in will just put you back at square one. Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here...

We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. You're worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week... This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps - which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. They lay down the cornerstone and foundation of our work, and they make our network much more effective and helpful for people.

You see, until now, people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, a beginner wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while on the other hand, someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences" putting in "filters" etc... So it was essential to develop a handbook which details all the techniques and tools to dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now with these handbooks, anyone can read through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook where the steps become progressively more powerful and "addiction-oriented".

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Make sure to read them, they contain a wealth of information on beating this addiction! And I'd love to hear your feedback on them...

Note: You might want to print them out to read away from the computer. Keep in mind though, that if you do this, you won't be able to click on the many web links in the articles. But you can always come back to them later. The truth is, it's anyway good to go through the whole handbook once without clicking on links, just to get an overview of all the tools available. Once you did that, you can start again from tool #1 and read each tool through more carefully, click the links and study each technique and assess whether you have tried it fully yet or not...

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook
This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude
The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth...

May Hashem be with you!

I sent some encouraging words to Israel and they vanished!  Just remember, Israel, that if you get through this, you will be be'vechinas Yosef Hatzaddik (the Steipler Gaon writes as much).

Israel, wellcome to the family. I know that feeling (that your about to explode) very well. The following is what I once wrote to someone else, I hope it can help you.

One of the main tricks of the y'h, is to spotlight things that cause stress. He makes a whole lot of noise, like it says וְהָרְשָׁעִים כַּיָּם נִגְרָשׁ כִּי הַשְׁקֵט לֹא יוּכָל -he makes you feel all desperate.

That's what the meraglim did. Thay got all dramatic and made everyone feel extremely desperate. ("Guys we're  dead meat etc.") It works really well -they managed to get everyone to cry the whole night. You have to try to use Kalev's tactic וַיַּהַס כָּלֵב אֶת-הָעָם  Kalev came and said: SHHHH calm down let's be rational, if Hashem got us till here, He'll also get us in to E.Y. But they were so busy crying and screaming that they couldn't even listen to Kalev. And that's the source of the churban that we are now mourning over (אתם בכיתם בכיה של חינם ואני אקבע לכם בכיה לדורות).

Let's learn the lesson and try not to let this trick work on us. Take a deep breath and then another one and a bunch more. Calm yourself down as much as you could and firmly tell the y"h "I'll be just fine, Hashem runs my life and takes very good care of me. I most definitely don't HAVE TO act out"
In fact that can only make things worse. And if I'm feeling stressed then אדרבה this is my oppertunity -given to me as a gift from Hashem Himself- to show my true loyalty to Him, to fulfill the purpose of creation in the truest sense and to merit unfathomable pleasure for each and every second of holding out!"

This is not allways easy to do, but it's well worth working on it. With time and effort, it will get easier and easier.

Israel,

Great to have you here with us fighting the tremendous battle."Im Lo Achshav Eimosay"

Like you (im 21) ive been stuggling for a few years with porn and the such, this site is amazing, sign up for the daily chizuk, dont stop posting on this thread, and most importanly cry out to hakodosh baruch hu for support(it works)

Much Hatzlocha

YOU CAN DO IT

we are all behind you

Thank you BeStrong88, and all the others that have given your time to give me chizuk. I can't possibly explain how relieved I am to be able to hear people tell me that it will get eisier and better becuase this is insane. Buruch hashem I just got back a little while ago, and after a good mincha and a great maariv I am feeling much better.

I will try to enternalize all that I am reading and I really hope I am strong enough to make it.  The fact that I am backed by all the people on this site with a few lines of encouraging words is so uplifting.

Before I found this site I knew about shmiras einaim, but in a vauge sence. I never trully considered walking down the street and not being able to look around. After all, these were just fleating images. A nice image here, and a beautyful girl over there. That was all it was. I am now begining to understand how terrible it really is. I had read a post a few days ago about pinching myself every time I took a second glance. WOW. I had not noticed how many times a day I do it. So with my thighs getting numb from pinching, I think I am actually starting to improve. My head turns without my brain though, I don't want to see but I just turn anyway. Does anybody have expirence with this or any other suggestions.
Besides for this, I just want to raise a side point how bnos yisroel are dressing these days. Do they wan't the attention? I can't control my eyes, but they seem to want me to stare; or so it seems.

If you're serious -which you obviously are, then Hashem is with you. And when Hashem is with you, of course you're strong enough.

But there are many levels of si'ata dishmaya. Being part of this holy group makes you many many times stronger than you are when you're alone. It's tested and proven that the more involved you are with the forum, the more successful you'll be.  And the ahavas Yisroel that you'll discover here is absolutely amazing!

Buckle your seat-belt, this is the long journey to ever increasing hapiness and satisfaction!
Everyone that joins the club makes it all the more powerful, so in the name of all of us, I want to thank you for joining!

CHAZAK VE'EMATZ!!!

Hello to all once again as I begin the next stage of my journey. In reality, I am saying hello to myself as I begin to realize that I am posting in order to help myself (selfish, I know), but would be just as honored if I can inspire just a drop of someone else at the same time. Well, it has been nearly two years since my last post and am still in my stage of "beginning my end". No, I have not reached my goal of 39 days yet, but I am still resolved to do so. So why now? Well, I think I am nearing the stage of not wanting to continue to be a bypassed in this fight. I can't stand back and watch as I can pull through a few good days and let it go too easily. These continued falls need to be stopped at last. I have learned a lot in the past few days that I cannot find the words to explain but will attempt to do so in future posts, and yes there will be follow ups because I am not letting go this time without a fight.

So I resolve to begin anew. My spirits are high, and I plan to ride it all the way through. I changed my profile name on here for two reasons. 1) I want to be a new person rather than the one who began a new resolve but failed, I am the one who will stand and adapt to whatever comes and continue to overcome. 2) Probobly the main reason is because I began to find the plan that Hashem had for me. When I was born, I needed a second name; so my father went to the Scverer Rebbe for a blessing and he has told to use the name Yosef. Why???? Just because I was to have my bris by parshas Vayesheiv time. No way!!! He knew that my greatest struggle in life would be shared with the one man that is called "Tzadik". With this resolve, I continue to think of my destiny beyond myself but a greater purpose that is out of my control. I am who I am, and today I shall say "I am clean for one week now, may Hashem give me strength to continue to challenge myself for new horizons".

AniYosef wrote on 27 May 2011 08:37:


Just yesterday I was talking (real-life, not virtually) to someone close to me who is a walking miracle, drawn out of the most dire personal sexual situation imaginable...  By the Scverer Rebbe.  If he is on your side, you cannot fail.  One thing that continues to amaze me is how Rebbeim (and many Rabbis in general) manage to sit an listen to our filth, and then respond with nothing other than abounding love, kindness and understanding.  And not just listen, but put their pure hands on our tam'ei little necks, and drag us out.  The Scverer Rebbe not only involved himself with this man, but involved his own family, as well.  And the recovery that he made is honestly nothing short of a miracle.

Chazak v'amatz, brother.

Okay, going on day 10 and still feeling strong. One mistake I think I made was that I said that I feel my spirits are "high". I feel that this is very dangerous as what happens when I lose that high, I get depressed, or something gets me down? Will I lose myself and all the progress I've made? I know I have felt high before and after a brief spell I lost it and I went back to my old habits. So I don't want to think of this as a high, more like enlightenment; this is a force that shall remain with Hashem's help through my good and bad times. Throughout my great moments and my darkest hours.

Last night was such times; yes, both high and low. It started coincidently after I fell asleep. Those not familiar with lucid dreaming, this is when you wake in a dream and find that you are dreaming. At this point, you can control everything and all of the senses are intact. Well in the past this has been my escape and I can be whomeever I want and do as I please. My mindset went to my normal intuitions and in the dream, I acted as an improper person. After a while I realized that I might go too far and was not willing to mix dream and reality and so I forced myself to wake up. After I awoke, I was so disappointed in myself. How can I think that I have abolished these issues when a little glimpse into my unconscious and I see myself acting out? On the otherhand, even in my dream, I had the sense of mind to control my thoughts and wake myself out of my self controled dream that I now call a nightmare. May Hashem give me the strength to no longer yern for bad things even in my deepest thoughts and nightmares.

Welcome back.

Stick around.

Keep us posted.

That's the road to recovery.

Good luck.

--Eye.

Well, the struggle continues. I am now 16 days clean and taking one day at a time. Last night was particularly difficult for me and had to use my backup tools to get my mind straight. Baruch Hashem it worked and was able to overcome the nesoyoin with Hashem's help. I always thought that it would get easier over time, and while sometimes I do find it so, other times seem to be stronger than ever.

Today is a big day for me. Not that I have reached my goal, because I will never reach my goal. This is a lifelong struggle that I must remain vigilant against "ad yom hamisa". I have not even reached my goal I set when I joined the wall several years ago. I am proud to say that day 16 is the most sober days that I have had in over a year. This only goes to show myself that I do posses the ability if I truly use all the tools I have available to me and continue to fight the good fight.

At this point I am terrified, and would love some input in the matter. If I fall now c"v, what happens next? I know that I cannot let that happen because I think I would fall apart. The strongest thing that is keeping me from slipping is that if I fail, it would bring me down so far that I would realize that I could not do it. It would rip me apart. I must remain sober for my sanity more than anything else, but when you keep telling yourself don't think about it, that means you are constantly thinking about it. It seems foolish to tell myself today be clean and tomorrow you worry about tomorrow because this is not possible. I need to face that it is finally over and not today, tomorrow or next week can I ever act out. How can I fool myself anymore? This is the end; this is my last resolve. I have no more options.

These two concepts have my mind running in circles. Am I living for today or the rest of my life? Am I strong enough to pull forward through some slips or falls this time? I am terrified of my y"h's answer to these questions and this keeps me going to not give in and not give an inch for him to slip in. I therefore resolve to continue ever vigilant and hopeful of tomorrow.