If I have to use one word why I am here and what got me in to recovery, it will of curse be Shame. What's happening now days is, that the Yetzer Hora starts to make me crazy with shame about the recovery. For an example even with writing here he will tell me, who knows with whom you are posting here? Or when I go to a meeting, it took me 3 years from when I discovered my dis-ease until I did that step there was no other choice, I was so afraid who will I meet there? And until today every meeting I go I think twice, who will see me today? That kind of shame. But I know what the real shame is and to heal my self completely, I must deal with this.
I thank g-d that today's days I attend meetings and yes I mat some people who knew me and I always will, but you know what? All I want is to be a good Jew.
yes it is not comfortable for me and maybe the Yetzer Hora has a point with that Shame, And maybe He has a point that who knows with whom I am posting here and for sure at meetings, BUT who got me in here if not for you? So try to confuse me with this shame but to the real shame I am not going back even if it means that I have to disclose more and more even to people I didn't think, but my sobriety is number one in my life right now.
