R76 wrote:


Acting out is not a problem, it is a symptom. There's a reason you used to turn to porn. Find out what that reason is and address it, otherwise however long you use willpower to abstain from porn, you won't be addressing the underlying issue.

Dr.Watson wrote:


I do not know. I am a 37 year old virgin -- I have no intention of changing that. I have severe depression and I have suffered a lot in life. I am not even sure if my lust was stronger then that of an average single man my age.

I hope I can keep my motivation to stay clean -- now it is day 16.

If you have latched onto your new hobby of 'not masturbating' as a great reason to live, I would suggest you may be escaping from real life. Sure, it's great not to sin. But you are a 37 year old virgin who says he suffers from severe depression.

Don't you see you have way bigger fish to fry than this, man? Don't you see that a fixation on 'fighting' masturbation can be just as great an escape from facing real life as masturbation is?

And don't you see that if you get the help you really need, your life will get more straightened out and the compulsion to lust after sex fantasy and masturbate yourself will not be nearly as strong in you?

Dr Watson is so right.

Think it over, sweet brother. You are worth it!

Lots of love,

Dov

>> And don't you see that if you get the help you really need, your life
>> will get more straightened out

I am sorry. Are there any Jewish resources for problems in general?

I have a PhD in Mathematics (which I hate with passion), I know Russian and English, but I do not drive. How can I find a job or become a part of a Jewish Chabad community?

I am also very lonely. Where can I find observant Jewish male friends?

Um, like...everywhere. Do you live in The Outback (or in Kansas)?

Are you playing with us here?

And while I'm at it, how about quitting the 'R76' and just using your real first name here, as I do. U want to bond with people? Then be real.

Closest Chabad is over 40 miles away and I do not drive.

I do not know if I should enroll in the telephone program with this site?

Hey, let me backtrack - I do not know your story, sir. Are you a Jew?
And if not, then why particularly 'chabad'?
Have you ever read the website called AISH?

If you actually respond to my post that will go a long way in joining with the website here, for real.

Unless u r kidding abt the whole thing...

>> Hey, let me backtrack - I do not know your story, sir. Are you a Jew?

I am 100% Jewish from Russia. I am from a nonobservant family of "intelligentsia" -- thus obtaining a PhD was very important.

I have read aish.com and chabad.org for a long time.

How much more should I disclose about myself?

No, no need. I just did not understand - so sorry if I was mean. You are a good man having a hard time getting friends because of hard circumstances. I admire your reaching out here.

But I maintain what I wrote to you a few posts ago, that you have other issues that may be much, much more important than the 'yetzer hora' issue. It seemed to me that you were really focusing very much on the great fight over this 'worst sin'.

It seems to me that you would have an easier time not getting so dramatic, and actually doing the things you just wrote about. Connecting up with safe, fellow Jews.

Is there anyone who lives in your part of the world at all that you can speak with? Any rabbis or yeshivas nearby? Even if they are not chabad, it will help you, I am sure (unless you really believe chabad is the only Torah, for some reason).

>> I just did not understand - so sorry if I was mean. You are a good
>> man having a hard time getting friends because of hard circumstances.
>> I admire your reaching out here.

Everything is OK. Thank you very much.

>> But I maintain what I wrote to you a few posts ago, that you have
>> other issues that may be much, much more important than the
>> 'yetzer hora' issue.

That issue enabled me to 'enjoy' an intolerable life -- life without a future and without hope. Life of constant severe depression and no purpose. I gave up the hope for change long ago. Is there any way out?

>> Is there anyone who lives in your part of the world at all that you
>> can speak with? Any rabbis or yeshivas nearby? Even if they are not
>> chabad, it will help you, I am sure (unless you really believe
>> chabad is the only Torah, for some reason).

Not any closer. Only Chabad accepts semi observant Jews like me.

R76 wrote:


There are many segments of the Jewish people that accept all Jews...observant/ semi-observant/non-religious.

b'hatzlachah

Can you explain what u mean by this?

Do you mean that u gave up on changing depression and your social standing, opting to put all your strength and heart into the new and exciting struggle between sinning or not sinning?

How can there be a way out if you do not get help?

Strangers on a website who do not know you except through the facts that you report about yourself, can save you? True friendships are created with people using fake names meeting you - who they also do not even know by name? How?

I'll give you a suggestion that works for many here and elsewhere, and works for me. Keep posting here, and PM other guys, chat with them here, too. Make friends in a slow and comfortable way.

And when you feel almost comfortable enough to ask them for their phone #s to talk and advance the friendship - ask them. Calling each other and talking on the phone is the next best thing to meeting real people. Get to know others. Not just one guy, but a few here. If you are on the web, use it in safe places to make friends like this.

Hiding behind the fake name is bad for you and for the people you are trying to meet. it is another wall. You and all of us have enough walls, no?

Is this a thing you could do, chaver? Maybe your social skills will develop through a website like this! You can do it in increments. Just please don't wait at each level for yourself to be be totally comfortable with advancing things. Make the move just before you are totally ready.

Hatzlocha!

>> Do you mean that u gave up on changing depression and your social
>> standing, opting to put all your strength and heart into the new
>> and exciting struggle between sinning or not sinning?

I gave up on trying to change my situation long long ago.

Maybe at the time (2003) when I agreed to do PhD in Mathematics which I hate with passion. Maybe in 2010 when I realized that I have no chance for a job.

What is your daily schedule like?