I am sitting here in the computer lab at college. Knowing that I am not home and a click away from the most disgusting thing in the world. I dont go to a jewish college so I am not sure if they have filters, but I am not going to test the limits. I am more scared and ashamed to try and find those sites because someone may see me. But at home when no one was around I could care less constantly texting my wife seeing where she was seeing if I could sneak on a site because she wasn't home. And wouldn't be home for a while. But bh I think and hope those days are behind me. Whats really eating at me is i have been clean for so long how come now I want to ruin everything? Well I didn't do it I am off to class now.

ilovemywife wrote on 11 Oct 2011 13:57:


My friend, it never goes away.  It gets easier.  But there will always be sneak attacks.  Never let your guard down.  And don't be disappointed just because you got the urge.  That's what it means to be an addict.  We're always on the edge, like the guy in the picture at the top of this page.

Thank you Alex you made my day. Have a good yom tov.

If the YH whispers in your ear "this is your golden chance, you can have such a great time and no one will know", just whisper back "yes, and I can go and have real s** with shiksas here on campus, I can hire someone, I can hang out at joints whenever I want, but I don't want to do any of that stuff even though I can. So if I'm not going to do all that really exciting stuff, I'm definitely not going to go for this stuff".